AIBU to think some children need more down time than others?

[Bluewavescrashing]

I have 2 DCs, 9 and 6. They are both doing very well at school, have lots of friends, no health problems, happy children. They sleep 7pm-7am (6yo) and 8pm-7am (9yo).

They went to nursery for 10 hours a day (not every day as I was part time) and it was a 40 min drive away.

I'm not working at the moment due to health reasons but used a childminder for wraparound care when I was working. I collect them every day or occasionally DH if he works from home. When they get home from school they don't want to do any clubs, just have a snack, colour in, watch TV, play in the garden. We walk home, sometimes I drive half way. Homework, reading, baths, occasionally a friend comes round. On Saturdays we do sports and music clubs as they seem to have more energy then. Both can swim well.

Anyone else's DCs tired at the end of the day and don't want to do much at all?

Some adults need more downtime than others too (myself included). Why would children be any different?

I think a lot of children and teens need downtime.

If anything the longer I've worked with kids and teens, the more there seems to be a trend in some places of microplanning every element of their lives to be wholesome and educational. I'm not entirely convinced it makes them happier to healthier.
Last week one of my year 8 students said he loved Mondays because Mondays were his quiet night and that week he had no homework either. It turns out every other day of the week he had something on, sometimes multiple clubs so he'd rush his tea between school sport and then club sport etc.

Yanbu. My DS is 6 and I keep after school activities to 1 per week, then swimming lesson on Saturday. He gets tired after school especially during the winter term.

While I agree that downtime is important, some kids get used to too much downtime and then get to their teens without having any of the extra experiences that may benefit them - for example scouts / sports training / learning an instrument etc.

My DCs need different amounts of downtime. DS1 needs to come home from school and have 30 mins quietly to himself to unwind. He can manage activities later in the evening but struggles with things directly after school and tends not to accept the clubs offered now.

DS2 has a much higher social threshold.

Yes my 15yo has always needed quite a lot of down time. She has some SpLD and finds school very tiring so has very little oomph left afterwards. Getting any homework done after school is hard, which is likely to cause a problem now she's in y10.

Sounds pretty normal to me. I think daily clubs and activities can be exhausting for children and can prevent them learning how to entertain themselves and prioritise rest.

I'm 37 and need a lot of downtime. My 8 year old is the same, my 10 year old needs less and does a couple more activities but neither of them does loads in the week after school.

Totally agree! My DS only does three mornings at nursery and come pick.up time and Friday especially he is shattered. The constant interactions and activities wear him out! I can't imagine what he would be like in full time. I guess he would get used to it but definitely would be exhausted everyday.

Yes I agree. I hated after school clubs as a child. I didn't even like popping to the shops or going out for dinner on week nights. I did do dance and drama clubs at the weekend though. I improved as a teen and did a lot more but I'm definitely someone who prefers relaxing at home after a busy day.

Perhaps I feel like I should be stretching them more but we've tried Brownies etc, it all started too late and DD wouldn't get out of bed the next day. As they both do sports and music at the weekend I don't think they are missing out.

Sometimes we do things together in the evenings--crafts, board games, etc. Sometimes they just want to spend time building lego or reading or watching a film. We always make homework a priority. Even in year 4 there's quite a lot.

Thinking about it, DH and I both like being at home rather than rushing around. Of course we do the usual outings at the weekend, visiting relatives, going to the zoo, out for lunch as a family etc. But we're not always on the go and enjoy quiet time at home too.

Sounds like a sensible balance to me, OP.

I love being at home. My dd4 is the same. Even on holidays in places especially designed with kids entertainment, she will demand that we go back to our hotel every afternoon. She loves quiet time and seems to really really need time to free play. My dd6 however is happy to stay out and keep busy from morning til night. She'll push herself too much. Never wants to stop. She would do every after school club every day if she could. I have her limited to two days. She finds it very difficult to relax. Even still I do find she benefits when I force her to relax and just to play.

At 6, yes.
At 9, no. We do a sport (at least 1) outside of school hours every day.

Sounds like your kids are like you and your husband. Our family is similar. My six year old does football after school one day but nothing at weekends. He just loves playing with Playmobil for hours and hours. He enjoys playdates, doing family things, but he genuinely NEEDS that time to play. My 12 year old does sports twice a week after school and has football at weekends. Leaves him plenty of time to just hang out or meet up with friends. We've suggested more stuff at times, but neither are interested. Truth is, we all like hanging out together, just chatting, playing card games etc. Whatever works for you and your family will be fine. I've yet to meet an adult who deeply regrets not having gone to brownies or trampolining club when they were kids.

@forkfun you make a lot of sense. I distinctly remember telling my mum I'd had enough of ballet classes after school, I just wanted to go home and have squash and a biscuit, age 7.

I still feel the same now tbh!

My 8 and 7 year old have just switched from after school swimming lessons to weekend morning swimming lessons and have progressed so much more. I think a school day plus half hour walk to swimming was too much.

I think time doing nothing structured is beneficial.
All my kids have been great at entertaining themselves. We went on holiday with friends who were surprised the kids just sat in the car for four hours and chatted played little games, looked out the window etc and didn't need a tablet or similar for entertainment.

While they enjoy a few clubs a week they also enjoy being able to come home and just muck about in the garden, go to the field for cricket or a kick about or watch TV.