Changed username as she knows I use MN.
I have a kinship arrangement over a family member and all 'parenting' is left to me.
My niece hasn't had it easy so it's a mixture of giving her some slack but also she's got some very bad habits. I.e. she's grown up surrounded by people that don't work and expect handouts. I've had her for less than a year. She's really lovely/polite and not rebellious - just not had the positive parental influence until now.
She essentially failed all of her GCSEs even tho I paid for tutors/attempted to encourage revision etc. She went to an outstanding secondary for five years which I know gave her lots of extra tutoring to attempt to get her up to standard but she's never cared.
She wanted to do an apprenticeship in a niche field but couldn't be bothered. I sent her numerous links for things similar/transferable skills but decided on college. She's now dropped out of college - she changed her course three times but 'its so shit' etc etc. Zero motivation. I know she went in for some of the time but other times I've been told she was skiving. She didn't tell me she quit but at the end of the day even if I was to force her to go/walk her to each class I know she wouldn't get good enough grades/motivation to actually do anything in that field to make it worth it.
She wants to go into work. She's had a part time job for a couple of years but jacked that in in the summer. I've given her a couple of months grace period as she pulled on my heart strings but enough is enough. This week she's been laying around the house doing next to nothing. She's apparently waiting on a call back from a job that she wants in a trendy restaurant. I've tried nagging at her, I've had countless conversations that poverty isn't fun and she should aspire to do something with her life.
I've helped her with her CV and every 30 minutes I'm asking how the job search is going. The last 6 weeks I've also cut giving her pocket money therefore if she wants to go out she needs to work to have money for bus fare etc. She seems happy just floating about.
I'm thinking of telling her from Monday she needs to be out of the house between 9-5 so either she goes back to college/starts volunteering/pounding the streets with CVs/goes to our great aunt's to help with chores/sits in the library applying for jobs.
I don't want to be too harsh on her as she's really gone through a lot. On the other hand she needs a kick up the arse.
What have parents done in similar situations?