To be fed up of being the agony aunt / emotional prop?

[Legoandloldolls]

I have a friend that I see weekly. Been friends for years. I see her during the day for coffee or lunch. I go round her house in the evenings. But I do feel increasingly that I am in role for her. Like I'm good for listening and chatting but I'm not much fun.

So friend asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks at the weekend. I said yes, then it was changed to staying in, I said I wanted to go out so so she cancelled. Said she had spent lots of cash, doesn't feel like going out etc. But every week she goes out with another friend in the evening to the cinema, pub, meals, theatre etc. Even though I know her friend I'm never invited. I'm a sahm right now and nearly socialise in the evening because the opportunity never comes up. I keep saying " that sounds amazing, I haven't done that ages, I would love to see / do that" but am never invited.

I think it's because I'm in that "role" I am am.sharing secrets and giving advice, proping people up. Not for having fun with. It's made me feel pretty crappy. Am I reading too much into this? I dont mind being agony aunt really but it's got to be balanced out with sharing in on the fun surely? I know some people like to keep their friends separate but theres obviously money and energy to spare for some people, why not with me? I'm going to suggest some nights out. But what happens if they are turned down?

Yes I'm going to talk to her but it's more along the lines of " I would like to do more of xyz shall we book something" not " am I just your therapist?" But I fear she has fun friend role filled already.

Have you ever done fun things together?
Does she have kids?

Why dont you create a night out. Give plenty of notice so money wont be an issue/excuse.

Stop being so emotionally available for her. People then see you as an ear and latch onto this bombarding you with their issues with a quick how are you.

We have done some fun things together. But coffee chat is weekly. Going out to the pub, a meal, cinema is 3-4 times a year.

Yes she has kids but they are GCSE uni age. Shes single, I'm married. I do wonder if that's a factor as the fun friend is also single.

My husband thinks we need a week or two space. He agrees im to available and too easy ( happy) to be let down.

I think it's time to say to her im in need of going out and arrange a few things and see if she turns up.

There was talk of a holiday together but then the "I cant afford it " comes up. Plus a spa day which she went on with her diss instead. Plus I think she went to a spa by herself or maybe with another friend but said it was alone. She knew I was excited about the spa, but again it's the day before she announces she off without me. No " we must do our spa trip soon" We was talking about a Christmas weekend but no date set. I will see if I can set some dates. If I cant or my suggestions transpire with her other friend then I'm going to have to be less emotionally available as it's no good making her happy when i feel crappy - because I'm in this support role getting little fun in return

I think you're right- it's about her being single.

I'd agree with your DH and take a step back. Be unavailable when she has one of her (presumably many) dramas.

I think her being single is a big factor. But in reality it needn't be as I'm as available to go out as she is. Getting childcare is no more difficult for me going to her house for evening drinks than going to the pub.