To think it’s ok to show excitement in different ways?

[Dyrne]

There are so many threads on here sneering at women who dare to actually show excitement about motherhood in a different way to them.

Announcing the news in a cute way to their parents? Nope, apparently completely pointless and lots of sneering about how the news should be exciting enough and apparently a little card saying “congratulations grandma” has apparently ruined the whole pregnancy.

Revealing the sex of the baby? Not my cup of tea but who is it actually harming to have an excuse for a little get together and show a bit of excitement for your loved ones?

Want a cute little outfit for your baby? Nope, it’s a race to the bottom with “I just wrapped mine up in a burlap sack and slung them in the car”.

Even taking photos is sneered at, because taking 1 second to snap a quick photo of something means you’re not “present in the moment” or “enjoying the memory”.

It’s equally fine to not want to do those things, it doesn’t mean you love your baby any less or are any less excited about motherhood; I just hate the sneering or someone else doing something that doesn’t affect you in any way, shape or form.

I agree that when people take it to extremes it’s a bit much - constant baby events where you expect your guests to show up and bring gifts each time; using 80 tonnes of plastic to pop 26364 balloons to unveil the pink or blue confetti; refusing to let your child run off and play because you need to get the 72645th photo... but those are few and far between, lets be honest.

Why do people get so wound up about how another person gets excited? I even see snotty comments like “no one gives a shit about your baby except you, your DH and MAYBE the grandparents”. Really?!? I’m thrilled for my friends when they have a baby. If it gets a bit much or I’m not in the right headspace, I just scroll on past the FB posts, no need to make a sneery judgement about it.

It would be perfectly possible to flip this and ask why you are so invested in defending the 'right' of people to buy inane props on the internet to announce their pregnancy and to 'make memories' in curiously Instagram-friendly ways? Do you have a little Etsy business selling 'cute outfits'?

Oh... Kay.

Couldn’t you say that about any post on mumsnet? I’m not out crusading or anything, it’s just a passing thought that I thought i’d post on a chat forum?

Like, why are YOU so invested in moaning at people on a chat forum for posting an idle thought about women celebrating motherhood?

And then you could ask why I’M so invested in defending people who post idle comments on chat forums.

I’m going to be honest, that would get tiresome very quickly.

I agree OP. Let people live as they want to live if they are not harming anyone. I prefer not to spotlight any family events on social media but quite like following other people's lives on FB so am happy that some friends do photograph every birthday and holiday and home-made bake off.

DDIJ I’m sorry to hear that. I guess a lot of my feeling is that there is no ‘right’ way to feel about motherhood and people shouldn’t be made to feel bad for feeling something that’s outside of the norm.

Antenatal and postnatal mental health is such a huge issue and it’s so important that we allow women to talk about how they experience pregnancy without judgement - whether it’s excitement, fear, sadness, or nothing at all.

I agree with you OP.

I agree with you

But MN is weirdly competitive on not giving a shit about things. Look at the threads about people not having friends - so many posters saying “I have DH and children and that’s enough for me”. Likewise, any thread about spending money on designer bags or nice things for yourself is competitive to the point of “I could never spend that much on myself, I use a £2 primark bag and a plastic Tesco carrier bag”. And wedding threads which are sneerily “if you don’t spend £20 on the whole wedding and give guests bread and water and wear a bin bag you are obviously not marrying for love”.

Very odd

Totally agree OP. I have fun with my DS doing little milestone photos and picking ‘cute outfits’ for him. It’s part of the fun of motherhood for me and is a way to celebrate being a mother. I don’t care if other people don’t like it.

For anyone who cares, I got my Nan a ‘happy birthday great Nan’ card when I told her I was pregnant. I put my scan photo in it and it was really special for her, she’s still got it.

I don't think most people begrudge anyone getting excited or celebrating a moment in their lives, the problem with the things you mentioned as I see it is harder to put into words in passing so might come across as just pointlessly getting wound up and begrudging someone their moment.

The real problem is some of the events are championed at the cost of other, just as important, social interaction. Eg, the gender reveal - no problem with wanting a little gathering to celebrate but perhaps you're a friend going through their own stuff and seeing that on instagram when your pregnant friend hasn't bothered to speak to you for 3 months because they're 'too busy'? (not personal experience btw, just using an example!). Sometimes people are so focused on getting their own experiences and memories together, especially around babies, that they forget to be involved in other people's lives too and that can leave a bitter taste. No-one wants to feel like they're only ever a bit player in someone else's life and I've seen some people go overboard about their own celebrations and I think that's why it's not always received well.

Totally agree with you OP. Don't forget the pram, if you have one at all (just use a sling!) it should be one manufactured in 1975 that you grab out of the dump.

Now I pretty much only use second hand baby stuff myself, and actually have got a pram out of hard rubbish. But other people can spend their money how they like, what's the problem?