Job Anxiety

[cloudylemonade03]

I’m coming here looking for advice as I’m struggling at the moment.

So I work part time already. A family friend approached me a few weeks ago saying there was reception work and before I could say ‘thank you but I’m okay’, she told me to ring this number and ask if I could have an interview. I know I should’ve taken control and said that I was okay but I hate letting people down. I called them, not wanting to let family friend down even though I’m happy with working part time as I have fibromyalgia and crippling social anxiety and general anxiety. Calling them was a big deal for me as I struggle with anxiety daily and I am seeing a counsellor.

So I had an interview and they were happy with me, even though I was a bundle of nerves during the small talk we had. They invited me back to do two training days which were nerve-wracking but went okay. They’ve already told family friend that they’re really happy with me but I’m struggling as it’s too much for me.

What might seem little to other people is a huge battle for me. Seeing people face to face, remembering everything all at once, trying not to panic as I have eyes and ears on me, answering calls and trying to remain calm, I’m really struggling.

I don’t want to let people down, but... I’m not happy. My anxiety is through the roof, it’s gotten really bad that I’m having panic attacks every time I have to leave to go there, I’m exhausted and in pain because of my fibromyalgia, and my mind is constantly focusing on either what I did at work or what’s going to happen when I’m next in. I can’t sleep because I’m panicking, I haven’t eaten much because I’m stressed and I feel like I’m not myself at all. I’m not happy.

The thing is though, they’re happy with me being there. They’re not aware of my anxiety and just think I’m quiet but other than that, everything is good for them.

The guy had told me that I can still decide if it’s for me or not. There’s no contract so I don’t know what I should do.

Would I be unreasonable to leave? Also how should I approach them regarding leaving? I can’t face going back.

And breathe!! Honestly, i felt anxious just reading that.

You need to slow down.

First question - do you need this job? You say you already have part time work.

If the answer is no - leave.

I think you should take some time off sick and gave a good think. If after a couple of days you feel the same, don't go back.

They might have a few days where they have to juggle but they'll manage.

You are the important one here.

Reception work can be relentless

Just email them to say thank you for the opportunity but it isn't for you and you won't be returning.
Not worth risking your MH over if you don't need to do this work.
You don't owe anyone anything and it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to leave x

I suffer from anxiety too and recognise most of what you say.

It is not your responsibility to fill their vacancy, or to keep your family friend happy. If it’s not for you and you don’t need the work, leave.

Are you on meds as well as having counselling? I started on them recently and they are starting to make a difference. If you are already on meds, maybe talk to your GP about increasing the dose. They can give you some much needed head space and put you in a plac where the counselling can work more effectively.

I really think you need to address with a trained counsellor why you appear to have such a need to please people - this is not said as a criticism,
I have a very similar problem and it often goes hand in hand with chronic anxiety because you’re so desperate to please, and so desperate not to “let people down” that you work yourself into such a state that you become much less effective!

Just say no. Easier said than done, but do it by email if you have to. Email to the job people, email to the family friend, no need to make excuses just say “not for me at the present time”. And really think about how you can put coping mechanisms in place in the future to stop you ending up in this sort of state which is detrimental
to your physical and mental health.