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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think even if you are going through a hard time you don’t ignore your gc?

25 replies

Darksideofthemoon19 · 09/10/2019 06:26

I’m so upset.

mil is currently selling her house and moving. We haven’t seen or really heard from her in nearly 3 months. We’ve contacted her numerous times to see how she is and we have only “aww I miss her” etc back.

We live in the same small town. We aren’t welcome to her house by her boyfriend so we haven’t ventured up there, plus she smokes etc in the house so don’t really want Dd in that.

She’s completely ignoring me now. She added then blocked me on facebook yesterday after deleting me two months ago.
I can honestly say Iv done absolutely nothing wrong.

Dd is constantly asking where nanny is!

OP posts:

SpecialKRocks223 · 09/10/2019 06:29

I'm wondering where the other 70% of the story is

Tableclothing · 09/10/2019 06:30

What does your DH think?

Any possibility her boyfriend is controlling?

Original poster

Darksideofthemoon19 · 09/10/2019 06:30

None at all! That’s the thing, I don’t get what we’ve done wrong!

She deleted me after she fell out with Sil and deleted her too.

OP posts:

Original poster

Darksideofthemoon19 · 09/10/2019 06:32

Her Bf has got something to do with it I’m sure. She did the exact same thing when Dd was first born, she disappeared for 4 weeks and then turned up like nothing happened. It was around the time she met her bf.

OP posts:

Monty27 · 09/10/2019 06:33

Maybe it should be about her for a while.
Clearly there's something wrong

Original poster

Darksideofthemoon19 · 09/10/2019 06:40

Obviously I
Completely understand that, and we’ve offered numerous times to help but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t even ask how your Dgc is!

OP posts:

PoodleJ · 09/10/2019 06:43

Stop thinking about yourself. Perhaps she doesn’t have the capacity to deal socially with you. Yes it’s sad but perhaps you could ask what help she needs rather than being self centred and only thinking about yourself.

Monty27 · 09/10/2019 06:45

Send flowers?

AmIThough · 09/10/2019 06:47

She's clearly got something going on that's bigger than you or your daughter.
If it all ties in with the boyfriend she needs you on her side.

DH needs to go round and make sure she's ok.

C0untDucku1a · 09/10/2019 06:48

Yoire being a bit ridiculous. Youve said she is having a hard time. Youve touched on it is the new boyfriend. Yet your concern is your dd asking where nanny is and not asking your dh to do something to help his mum?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/10/2019 06:51

I can honestly say Iv done absolutely nothing wrong.

And I can honestly say that anyone who has ever uttered this line absolutely has done something wrong. You might not know exactly what, you might disagree that it was wrong, it might be a misunderstanding or it might be the straw that broke the camel's back.

If you go in to every conflict with an "I've done nothing wrong" attitude you'll never resolve anything.

Wolfiefan · 09/10/2019 06:51

I would worry that there’s much more going on with the boyfriend than that he doesn’t want you in their house. I hope I’m wrong but it’s a huge red flag for a partner to try and keep friends and family away.

TitianaTitsling · 09/10/2019 06:55

For all those berating op she has said We’ve contacted her numerous times to see how she is and we have only “aww I miss her” etc back.
OP has your SIL been able to shed any light? Could MIL be thinking you have 'chosen' sides in the fallout?

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 09/10/2019 07:01

Whatever is going on it's unlikely to be about you, or your daughter. Her boyfriend sounds nasty. Keeping her family away, and now selling and moving. Your husband needs to check in with his mother, and you all need to keep that door open to her. Don't cut her off because she doesn't pay enough attention to your child.

Monty27 · 09/10/2019 07:02

Who is she saying she misses??

GingersAreLush · 09/10/2019 07:11

The boyfriend insisting you’re not welcome in their house rings alarm bells when combined with your MIL avoiding you all and blocking you on social media.

If this was my mum or MIL I’d be far more worried about them and their safety than I would be about my children complaining that they miss their nanny. Which is of course a shame but not really as important.

Minioooons · 09/10/2019 07:18

get over yourself for a second.

she has blocked her family, acting out of character and has a bf that doesnt allow family over.

Maybe stop being so selfish and think that there might be a problem.

Hesafriendfromwork · 09/10/2019 07:22

OP do you have any idea what its like to be abused?

Because it really sounds like you have no idea how soul destroying it actually is.

Ita quite clear what's going on. Instead of being concerned for her, you are annoyed at her because your dd asks where she is.

Your mil is clearly in an awful situation.

MintyMabel · 09/10/2019 07:27

Your MiL is acting in a way that's really concerning, and all you are worried about is your child being ignored?

Go and see MIl, no matter what the boyfriend says.

Original poster

Darksideofthemoon19 · 09/10/2019 07:28

Yes actually I do. My first marriage was massively abusive.

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 09/10/2019 07:34

Have you actually invited her to come round to your house?

Hesafriendfromwork · 09/10/2019 07:35

Then have more sympathy.

It's likely she added you on facebook. And then he deleted you. He probably deleted you the first time.

She is being controlled. She isnt doing this because she cant be arsed. She is probably terrified of the consquences if she does contact you or ask after dd.

Ponoka7 · 09/10/2019 07:35

Why isn't your DH going physically to hers?

Monty27 · 09/10/2019 07:38

OP in that case you're being incredibly selfish and short sighted if you're satisfied with being kept away by bf

OMGshefoundmeout · 09/10/2019 07:39

This isn’t about you and what you may or not have done wrong. This is about her. She is either a selfish and unreasonable woman or she’s having difficulties that you are not fully aware of. The unwelcoming partner makes me suspect the latter. I would focus on your DP and DC for now but be available to help her if she needs it.

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