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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why people are like this?

24 replies

PumpkinP · 08/10/2019 18:23

I was at the bus stop outside a busy shopping centre. I was holding 3 bags and had a bag on my back, also had a pram full of shopping. My son was stood next to me when a man approached me and told me his lace was undone, he then walked away. I was holding so many bags I couldn’t easily bend down to sort it so I told my son to tuck it into his shoe. As he was doing this the man came back and said “I will do it for him!” I said no that’s ok and then he started shouting “why what do you think I’m going to do!!!” I said to him look I will do it when I get on the bus as I’m holding so many bags, he then said in front of everyone at the bus stop “some people aren’t suppose to be mothers” I was very upset by the comment and actually missed the bus I was waiting for anyway as I didn’t want to get on the bus with everyone that heard it.

Why are some people so nasty like this? Why don’t they think before they speak it’s no the wonder people get pushed over the edge. My son was standing still next to me there was no need for it, the man also had a walking stick which was why I declined the other to help as he obviously would have struggled bending down.

OP posts:
Lllot5 · 08/10/2019 18:25

I don’t know why you didn’t get on the bus.
Just ignore it.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 18:26

That's bizarre

When you said "No, that's ok", are you sure your tone of voice was normal?

It sounds as though he thought you were having a go at him?

PumpkinP · 08/10/2019 18:28

It sounded normal to me, I wasn’t having a go at anyone like I said he had a walking stick so I wasn’t saying it for any other reason.

I didn’t want to get on the bus because everyone was staring at me.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 18:29

I don't know then

Maybe drink, drugs or mental illness made him behave that way?

Or perhaps he's just a complete wanker.

SummerHouse · 08/10/2019 18:30

He obviously thought you were worried he was a paedophile. I would forget the whole thing. He is a mean, angry chap.

DappledThings · 08/10/2019 18:31

Why didn't you just let him do it up if he'd offered?

Milicentbystander72 · 08/10/2019 18:32

I can understand that's really upsetting. I don't think I'd have wanted to get on the bus with him in it either. He was horrible.

Some people are just horrible. My dcs are teens now but when they were little I had a man stop me in the street whilst I was pushing my buggy to tell me that I was psychologically abusing my child because they were facing outwards not at me. I was stunned and just walked off.

Another time I was stood talking to another mother outside a shop on the park to the park. It was a bike shop and it had two metal rings outside like a sculpture. The local children used to swing on it etc. It was quite small. My dd who was about 3 was playing in and out of the hoops happily, not in anyone's way, not making a noise....a man (again a man) came up and said "for heavens sake take that child to the park! You mothers these days are so selfish" and walked off before I could even speak.

Looking back I can see these people were rude and horrible but at the time it really upset me.

Hope you're ok OP.

PumpkinP · 08/10/2019 18:33

I already explained why I declined

OP posts:
LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 08/10/2019 18:34

O would've just said thank you and let him tie the lace, what is he going to do inches from you? He was just offering to be helpful, his subsequent reaction was a little over the top but he obviously felt embarrassed and as he said like you were implying he is a paedophile

DappledThings · 08/10/2019 18:35

I already explained why I declined

Have you? I've read your OP three times and can't see it. Apart from you saying you'd do it on the bus but why decline help to get it done up without you having to get him on the bus with a trip hazard and then faff about with all the buses.

Seems a bit silly to me.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 18:36

The OP assumed because the guy had a walking stick he couldn't easily bend down.

However, if the guy offered, it's possible he wouldn't have had a problem. He obviously knows his own capabilities.

Still no excuse to be so rude though.

DappledThings · 08/10/2019 18:38

the man also had a walking stick which was why I declined the other to help as he obviously would have struggled bending down

My apologies. I did miss this (3 times!). But I still think it was a bit odd to decline his offer as he'd made it in awareness of his own abilities.

PumpkinP · 08/10/2019 18:38

He was elderly and had a walking stick I said it more than once.

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 08/10/2019 18:38

I can’t see why you declined either. The most weird part of this is, why you didn’t get on the bus!

PumpkinP · 08/10/2019 18:40

Becaus he shouted that some men aren’t meant to be mothers at me in front of everyone sorry but I almost burst into tears when he said that. Sorry that others wouldn’t be bothered about that.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 18:40

I honestly thought this was going to be a complaint about having to fold your pram on the bus Blush Grin

PumpkinP · 08/10/2019 18:40

Women* not men

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 08/10/2019 18:41

An eye roll would’ve been the most I could’ve mustered up....

LookingForAlaskas · 08/10/2019 18:42

You could have just thanked him.

Perhaps he’s feeling just as shit as you about the whole thing. Ultimately he was trying to do a good thing.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 18:44

How old is your DS OP?

TheBananaStand2 · 08/10/2019 18:45

He was a wanker to say that. Some men are just looking for an excuse to get angry at women. Sorry this happened; I would have been shaken up too.

Yummymummy2020 · 08/10/2019 18:46

I don’t blame you being upset, he was odd reacting like that and you were better off not letting him help with that behaviour! I think he made himself look worse than he made you look though! I have often offered to help elderly people with heavy bags if I see them struggling and if one said no I wouldn’t be a bit insulted, I certainly wouldn’t feel the need to be nasty about it or take it personally if they are worried I might rob them or simply don’t want the help! Other posters make a good point, he could well have mental issues behaving in that manner. You were well within your right to refuse help, and I’m sorry that you had to deal with that when you were just minding your own business in the first place. Chances are the other people on the bus stop felt sorry for you rather than thinking badly of you!!!!

Janedoughnut · 08/10/2019 18:51

Don't let this entitled male arsehole upset you OP. You are perfectly within your rights to say no thank you to any offers of help.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 08/10/2019 18:53

Some people are angry all the time. What an arse.

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