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AIBU?

DP insisting we hang out with friends on holiday?

114 replies

mapleleafshiba · 08/10/2019 17:13

So DP and I are currently abroad trekking around South America.

But we've been here 5 days and in that time we've met one of his friends for brunch one morning and another we've been for dinner and drinks with. Sometimes this is fun. But they often ignore me and one was a colleague so they just spoke about work the whole time (even though they're both on annual leave). I resent losing time we could be out and about, I get zero choice in what we do with them and actually I don't always like whoever I'm stuck with. He said yesterday he just likes seeing people abroad

We don't live together currently (newish relationship and he works away during the week) so time together is fairly precious but he does this a lot.

He doesn't see any problem with this and sometimes I don't. But tonight they even went into a bar together after dinner for a beer over the sports match that was on. It was DPs idea but I don't drink, I don't really like this sport at all. I can't really not join them as 1. It's rude and 2. This is a very remote foreign country where I don't feel safe walking around alone so since this was following dinner, I had to join and sat drinking Coke while they cheered at the screen

AIBU to find this annoying? Maybe I'm a complete diva but honestly it grates on me. These are people he sees often and can see anytime (his colleague he actually lives with!) if it were friends he hardly saw and it rarely happened, I'd understand more

OP posts:

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OooErMissus · 09/10/2019 05:32

My DH is an angel in comparison but I have to state the terms on which I will go away with him on holiday every time as he will otherwise revert to being grumpy, morose and self absorbed.

WTAF..??

Your DH is not 'an angel' in comparison to the OP's partner. Not by a country mile.

Talk about deluded.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 09/10/2019 05:34

Doesn't sound like you compliment each other well. I don't think either of you ABU but would be rethinking the relationship as you are not compatible.

MyOtherProfile · 09/10/2019 05:49

Well I sound a bit like your bf and you sound a bit like my dh. I'm very extravert and he's very introverted. We have learnt to understand each other over the years and to compromise. You have to decide whether there is the hope and the desire for you both to do the same.

I have in the past arranged to meet up for the odd meal with friends who we have discovered would be within an hour of us on holiday. I love it because we get to hang out with different people and we spend the rest of the holiday just us.

If I did it for too many meals in a holiday he would hate it so I wouldn't do that. Also if I lied to him and pretended it was all a big surprise he would be cross (not sure if that is what the OPs bf did but I haven't read back to check).

I think everything hangs on whether Op and her bf can talk this through, each express their differences and find a compromise. If so then it's a good foundation for their relationship moving forward. If not then the relationship needs to end as they're not compatible.

Durgasarrow · 09/10/2019 05:53

I hate when people don't show any interest in or show hospitality toward a new person, leaving her feeling socially stranded. I don't blame the OP for feeling put off. Yes, there are ways of joining in. But they don't always workif they are not reciprocated.

Ponoka7 · 09/10/2019 05:59

@tenterden
"I would be really miffed if I went on holiday with another adult and they needed to be with me all day every day."

You go away, long haul, with your Partner, who you don't see much of and then don't spend time together? If it's in a place that isn't safe, you happily sit in the hotel while he's out?

OP, it's been set up so they are in the same place at the same time. Who instigated going away together? Perhaps he's felt he's had to go with you, or it was ok to lie by omission and he hasn't considered you at all.

On holiday, we do often watch a, major sports event, football or boxing, but it's usually over dinner and i drink, so i don't mind. He's assumed you'd just fit in with his plans.

Today tell him you want some one-on-one time and see what his reaction is.

I would be rethinking your compatibility and if this is going anywhere. Judge things by this holiday and not the snippets of time you get to spend together.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 09/10/2019 05:59

YANBU i'd be annoyed as well. You went away as a couple and he's turned you into a third wheel on 3/5 days.

Have a talk with him, tell him you were hoping to spend some rare 1:1 time while on holiday. See what he says.

I also hate boxing and I'm not sure how you were able to sit there watching it given you work with ABI patients.

KatherineJaneway · 09/10/2019 06:07

Like he didn’t know his flat mate would be in the same town the same week? Oh please.

This ^^

Toastymash · 09/10/2019 06:07

I think that maybe you are just very different people who perhaps aren't compatible. His behaviour would also like me off a lot but I can see where the other side is coming from too. I think you might be best just cutting your loses and moving on

custardbear · 09/10/2019 06:14

Two evenings with friends and you in 5 days seems reasonable to me - do you want him to just solely fixate on you all holiday? I'd so I think YABU,

HarryElephante · 09/10/2019 06:28

You're in South America on holiday. Get the fuck off Mumsnet.

OooErMissus · 09/10/2019 06:35

😂 So true.

Monty27 · 09/10/2019 06:39

@48TheMaddHugger

Yup just that 😁

OP you say it's a new relationship. Hmmmm

PeppermintPatty10 · 09/10/2019 06:40

I think that whether or not you are BU, the issue is that you’ve now come across an aspect of your boyfriend that might make you rethink the relationship. I’m not saying either one of you are BU, but sometimes it takes holidays to bring things to light regarding what people like to do in their spare time. It would have been worse if you’d moved in together and then discovered that he wanted to spend every Friday and Saturday night out with mates, when you wanted to a couple’s night. I think just try and enjoy the rest of the holiday even if it means doing things alone (sorry). Once you get back you can decide what to do next.

WineOrGinOrBoth · 09/10/2019 06:43

Where in SA are you?

I was there several 30 years ago backpacking & bumped into the same people on a regular basis - think Rio & Iguazu Falls. Bumped into some of same people in Guatemala as Merida in Mexico. That’s just 2 instances but there were lots lots more but it was people doing the backpacking trail.

It does happen... but a flat mate I’d say it’s prearranged.

AmIThough · 09/10/2019 07:00

Trekking round South America but you've been in the same remote, popular tourist spot for 5 days - is that right?

And two people he knows really well are also in the exact same location?

Toastymash · 09/10/2019 07:17

"I would be really miffed if I went on holiday with another adult and they needed to be with me all day every day."

It's her partner.

MomMom26 · 09/10/2019 07:27

I wouldn't like this as well. But it doesn't seem that either of you are wrong, just that you have different personalities maybe?

PenguindreamsofDraco · 09/10/2019 07:56

I've probably read too much fanfiction but I'm surely not the only one thinking 'flatmates... sure '

raviolidreaming · 09/10/2019 08:34

I'm finding this thread a really surprising read. Are people nostalgic for the days pre-kids where you could spontaneously party with others on holiday, or backpack around and meet people on the way, so thinking this is a treat? Because this isn't that but replies seem to suggest it is! OP has gone to South America with her new boyfriend to find they are in the same place as two people he knows - including his flat mate who is also his colleague* so they well knew they were going at the same time - and is now a spare part on her holiday. 3 days out of 5 is a lot, and presumably this isn't the end of the meeting up if it's been planned. It's not like her boyfriend has made a random pal at the holiday pool and she is not being sociable!

which does sound unbelievable really.

Juells · 09/10/2019 08:40

I've probably read too much fanfiction but I'm surely not the only one thinking 'flatmates... sure

Haha the word 'beard' did flow from my fingertips in an earlier post.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/10/2019 08:45

It all sounds very like 'not a holiday', he's somehow managed to move a normal weeks socialising to South America. Not my idea of fun.

WalkingInTheAir13 · 09/10/2019 09:20

@Juells

I picked up that from your earlier post - and completely agree with you.
Poor Op.

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Lweji · 09/10/2019 09:57

It's weird, though. Not in the same trekking group? Are you doing it just the two of you?

And why wouldn't he say his mates would be around there too? How was this holiday arranged? Was it supposed to be a romantic getaway or was he going and then you came along?

underground76 · 09/10/2019 10:25

Neither of you is right or wrong. You’re just completely incompatible and like completely different things. You have different ideas about what a holiday is for and different ideas about what makes a good evening out.

Personally, I wouldn’t even want to socialise with my own friends on holiday, let alone someone else’s, so I understand where you’re coming from. But I can also see how a more sociable, extrovert person than me might go mad if they only had one person to talk to for the duration of their trip.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 09/10/2019 10:44

I've never bumped into anyone I knew closely on holiday ever, never mind two people half way across the world. This is really weird..

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