DP insisting we hang out with friends on holiday?

[mapleleafshiba]

So DP and I are currently abroad trekking around South America.

But we've been here 5 days and in that time we've met one of his friends for brunch one morning and another we've been for dinner and drinks with. Sometimes this is fun. But they often ignore me and one was a colleague so they just spoke about work the whole time (even though they're both on annual leave). I resent losing time we could be out and about, I get zero choice in what we do with them and actually I don't always like whoever I'm stuck with. He said yesterday he just likes seeing people abroad

We don't live together currently (newish relationship and he works away during the week) so time together is fairly precious but he does this a lot.

He doesn't see any problem with this and sometimes I don't. But tonight they even went into a bar together after dinner for a beer over the sports match that was on. It was DPs idea but I don't drink, I don't really like this sport at all. I can't really not join them as 1. It's rude and 2. This is a very remote foreign country where I don't feel safe walking around alone so since this was following dinner, I had to join and sat drinking Coke while they cheered at the screen

AIBU to find this annoying? Maybe I'm a complete diva but honestly it grates on me. These are people he sees often and can see anytime (his colleague he actually lives with!) if it were friends he hardly saw and it rarely happened, I'd understand more

[Loveoddthings]

Have I read this right

You have met up with other people TWICE in FIVE days?

[Juells]

Trekking around South America and you keep meeting people he knows

I wouldn't believe a word of it, I'm afraid. Cut your losses. I'd be paying for a flight home if I could afford it. Sitting in a bar watching sports with his mates, in South America!? Who'd believe that was coincidence? You don't live with him, don't see him much, I'd start wondering if I were a beard.

[FizzyIce]

I don’t mind meeting up with people on holiday but see where you’re coming from .
Agree with others , you don’t sound very compatible,sadly

[Binting]

You don't seem to be compatible. I reckon he did know his flatmate would be in the area, my Q would be why he felt the need to hide this from you and 'pretend' he didn't know. It really doesn't seem to be an excessive amount of time spent socialising with others from your posts. I think YABU.

[FilledSoda]

They have booked this trip together ,
Did the mates know you were coming too ?

[nononever]

assuming you’re in Cape Town or somewhere similar

They are in South America .


As others have said, it's a of a coincidence the flatmate is there, especially if it's somewhere remote as you said. Sounds like you are socially incompatible.

[Drabarni]

He's a liar, we know that much, then. Of course it was planned, were you consulted?
I'd be going home tbh, just because he lied about it not being planned. He must think you were brought down in the last shower.
It's no fun for you, but he hasn't considered you in this holiday.

[Tooner]

I think its unfair that he is expecting you to hang around with his bloody flatmate (and of course they both knew the other would be there)

He will know its not such a safe place for a woman to walk around alone so know you are stuck tagging along on the lads night out etc.

If his feelings are hurt then so what, your feeling are hurt too.

[Rachelover60]

I would have opted out of the bar sports thing, just said I needed to write home or something and unwind, and got a taxi to wherever you were staying. That wouldn't have been rude.

You won't be seeing his friends all the time, you'll have plenty of time on your own. Don't let a few meetings spoil the holiday for you.

[Troilusworks]

It's one thing being sociable on holiday and even meeting up with friends. It's quite another to arrange a holiday with one person and not let them know that actually they've arranged a bit of a buddy holiday alongside their trip. It's simply not the holiday they agreed to go on.

If he's with his mates and they're talking about work and ignoring the OP, it's not her that's being rude. And then you're put in the awkward position of either bringing it up and being the killjoy or putting up.

The fact that he's not been honest with you, that he's prioritised his mates and dismissed your feelings are not good signs for your relationship going forward OP.

[Juells]

You won't be seeing his friends all the time, you'll have plenty of time on your own. Don't let a few meetings spoil the holiday for you.

The few meetings aren't the problem, the lying is. It's beyond the bounds of credibility that he didn't know either of those guys would be there.

Forget about worrying you might be rude. Also, I wouldn't take a taxi on my own in an unsafe city. If he wants to spend time with his mates, he has to see you back to your hotel first. He's not showing you any respect at all.

[Bellringer]

We met our neighbours once in Capri. Knew them tolerably well. Many exclamations of surprise, had a drink and moved on.

[CluelessNewMama]

YANBU. I think holidays are about spending time together as a couple/family, particularly if you don’t get a lot of quality time at home. I’d be really annoyed if DH did this.

[Hooferdoofer37]

He's just not that into you.

You're in a new relationship, you barely get to spend proper time together and instead of a coupley-shagfest of a holiday, you get beer dates with his friends.

Dump him after the holiday, you can do better.

[ControversialFerret]

Let me guess - he's quite happy to be attentive and to spend time with you 1-2-1 when he wants a shag?

If this is a newish relationship and you don't live together then he's not a partner - he's a boyfriend. And if he's a boyfriend that works away a lot and prefers to spend time with his mates even when you are on holiday(!) then I'd say ditch him, because it won't get any better.

I sympathise about boxing - I loathe it and wouldn't want to watch it either.

[PullingMySocksUp]

The seeing friends is one thing, but friends who don’t speak to you and going to a bar to watch sport you don’t like is another.

[Batqueen]

If you are in a populate tourist spot and you don’t feel comfortable walking around can you join a tour or something? It’s not rude to leave them to it when they are having a catch up.

I recently was on holiday with my dp and did my own thing for a day while he caught up with an ex colleague.

[GorkyMcPorky]

🙄 trust (I was angry on your behalf!)

[HollowTalk]

There's no way that it's a coincidence that his flat mate just happened to be in the same place at the same time.

It's early days for you and this guy but a) he seems to be a bit of a liar and b) you don't like doing the same things (not sure who would want to sit and listen to work-talk on holiday) and c) he doesn't give a damn about what you want.

Enjoy the holiday as much as you can, then call it a day.

[LordNibbler]

GorkyMcPorky do you have the right thread?

[Ohyesiam]

I wouldn’t mind meeting with genuine friends, but colleagues who ignore you would be unenjoyable.

If it was me I wouldn’t ask him not to, but I would ask for what I want more of, some time with just him.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

Horribly outing but the sport is boxing and I work in a unit for those with brain injuries. I hate the sport. I really don't mind him enjoying it at all

I take the sport bit back then - I wouldn't enjoy boxing either for similar reasons; I can see why you didn't try and join in with the joviality there.

[Purpleartichoke]

My DH used to do this. There was never a trip that didn’t involve meeting up with someone he met for 5 minutes once. He would also want to see them when they came through our city. Half the time he would offer our sofa.

There is nothing wrong with that approach to life, but it is not my approach to life (which is also an acceptable way to be)

[Expressedways]

Sorry, I agree with PP that you’re not compatible.