DP insisting we hang out with friends on holiday?

[mapleleafshiba]

So DP and I are currently abroad trekking around South America.

But we've been here 5 days and in that time we've met one of his friends for brunch one morning and another we've been for dinner and drinks with. Sometimes this is fun. But they often ignore me and one was a colleague so they just spoke about work the whole time (even though they're both on annual leave). I resent losing time we could be out and about, I get zero choice in what we do with them and actually I don't always like whoever I'm stuck with. He said yesterday he just likes seeing people abroad

We don't live together currently (newish relationship and he works away during the week) so time together is fairly precious but he does this a lot.

He doesn't see any problem with this and sometimes I don't. But tonight they even went into a bar together after dinner for a beer over the sports match that was on. It was DPs idea but I don't drink, I don't really like this sport at all. I can't really not join them as 1. It's rude and 2. This is a very remote foreign country where I don't feel safe walking around alone so since this was following dinner, I had to join and sat drinking Coke while they cheered at the screen

AIBU to find this annoying? Maybe I'm a complete diva but honestly it grates on me. These are people he sees often and can see anytime (his colleague he actually lives with!) if it were friends he hardly saw and it rarely happened, I'd understand more

[Coyoacan]

In the end, if his friends have no manners that says a lot about him.

[Rachelover60]

What's happened recently, is he still meeting up with friends or has that ceased?

I would find it all very wearing and probably come home early.

[HellonHeels]

I'm not convinced he's a flatmate. Inclined to agree with pps' suggestion that you are a beard.

[NameChangeNugget]

I hate the thought of being Velcro with someone. If it wasn’t with friends on a holiday, I’d certainly want some me time.

YABVU

[Snuffkindle]

Oh no yanbu! I would hate this too. I do think you are incompatible probably. But I also think that it isn't just the introvert /extrovert thing. I think he's being actively excluding to you. Dump him when u get home. You deserve a better holiday than sitting watching him.drunkenly watch sports with his mates.

[Juells]

I understand you don't drink and you don't like boxing, that's absolutely OK but those are his likes and you shouldn't criticise him for enjoying different things to you.

What is it about meeting his flatmate on the far side of the world that you find completely believable?

[WagtailRobin]

Surely you don't need to be glued to him 24 hours a day? You've obviously been able to spend considerable time alone thus far on the holiday.

I understand you don't drink and you don't like boxing, that's absolutely OK but those are his likes and you shouldn't criticise him for enjoying different things to you.

Try and enjoy yourself without silly expectations etc, you're in a beautiful country, there is bound to be plenty to do!

[Basil90]

You sound totally incompatible. I can't see this lasting

[OooErMissus]

People aren't necessarily missing the point.

If you'd be OK meeting up with a partner's friends, then you're probably a lot more likely to throw yourself into the conversation. You'd be unlikely to be left out of it.

If, like the OP (and many others on this thread), you'd be really pissed off at the seeming audacity of the man, you're probably much more likely to sit back with an un-engaged vibe emanating from you so it would be hardly any wonder that you might not be involved in the convo.

[Motoko]

Waterrat do you also lie to your partner, and let them think they're going for a romantic holiday, only to find when they get there, that you've got plans to meet up with friends, and then ignore your partner?

If not, then you're not like OP's boyfriend (not husband, it's still a new relationship).

So many people missing the point.

[waterrat]

You just aren't compatible. I'm like your husband and always like to see friends.

[Aridane]

(I read, not eReader)

[Aridane]

I need glasses - sorry e-reader South America as South Africa!

[Motoko]

But his version of a holiday sounds more fun than yours so apart from having this sprung on you

I would be absolutely fine with this,

All the people saying this, have you missed the bit where OP said she's being ignored, that they talk shop, or sports? Would you really be ok with that? Not to mention being lied to.

It's also not a case of neither being wrong. He is in the wrong, because he didn't tell OP that this was what he'd planned. She thought they were going on a holiday as a couple, to be able to spend quality time together, as they don't get much time back home, and he let her believe that, when it was booked.

He absolutely is in the wrong. He should have told her, before she agreed, so that she could make an informed decision.

@mapleleafshiba have you spoken to him? Was it just you and him for dinner last night?

[CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt]

I've never bumped into anyone I knew closely on holiday ever, never mind two people half way across the world. This is really weird..

[underground76]

Neither of you is right or wrong. You’re just completely incompatible and like completely different things. You have different ideas about what a holiday is for and different ideas about what makes a good evening out.

Personally, I wouldn’t even want to socialise with my own friends on holiday, let alone someone else’s, so I understand where you’re coming from. But I can also see how a more sociable, extrovert person than me might go mad if they only had one person to talk to for the duration of their trip.

[Lweji]

It's weird, though. Not in the same trekking group? Are you doing it just the two of you?

And why wouldn't he say his mates would be around there too? How was this holiday arranged? Was it supposed to be a romantic getaway or was he going and then you came along?

[WalkingInTheAir13]

@Juells

I picked up that from your earlier post - and completely agree with you.
Poor Op.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

It all sounds very like 'not a holiday', he's somehow managed to move a normal weeks socialising to South America. Not my idea of fun.

[Juells]

I've probably read too much fanfiction but I'm surely not the only one thinking 'flatmates... sure

Haha the word 'beard' did flow from my fingertips in an earlier post.

[raviolidreaming]

I'm finding this thread a really surprising read. Are people nostalgic for the days pre-kids where you could spontaneously party with others on holiday, or backpack around and meet people on the way, so thinking this is a treat? Because this isn't that but replies seem to suggest it is! OP has gone to South America with her new boyfriend to find they are in the same place as two people he knows - including his flat mate who is also his colleague* so they well knew they were going at the same time - and is now a spare part on her holiday. 3 days out of 5 is a lot, and presumably this isn't the end of the meeting up if it's been planned. It's not like her boyfriend has made a random pal at the holiday pool and she is not being sociable!

• which does sound unbelievable really.

[PenguindreamsofDraco]

I've probably read too much fanfiction but I'm surely not the only one thinking 'flatmates... sure '

[MomMom26]

I wouldn't like this as well. But it doesn't seem that either of you are wrong, just that you have different personalities maybe?

[Toastymash]

"I would be really miffed if I went on holiday with another adult and they needed to be with me all day every day."

It's her partner.

[AmIThough]

Trekking round South America but you've been in the same remote, popular tourist spot for 5 days - is that right?

And two people he knows really well are also in the exact same location?