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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that these are NOT reasonable disruptions?

48 replies

SpiderCharlotte · 08/10/2019 12:46

This is a bit long. My mum and dad live in a small village next to the village hall. They've lived there for almost 20 years (I lived there too for a short time). They've always said that they expected a certain degree of disruption/inconvenience living next door to a village hall and it's never been a big deal. Occasionally parking can be an issue, but they either wait until the person to move the car blocking their drive or go next door and politely ask them to move until they get their car out. It's never been an issue as when it comes down to it, most people are pretty reasonable. There are kids birthday parties most weekends, doesn't bother mum and dad as they're during the day and they always so they like to hear the little ones playing anyway. An occasional party at night - always finishes by 11 so, again, no issue there.

The hall had some renovations done last year, which require planning permission. A couple of things were not ideal (repositioning of the main door) but mum and dad did not object as they see it as a two-way relationship between them and the village hall committee and relations have always been good. I'm mentioning all this for context.

However, over the last few months there have been several occasions when issues have cropped up that I really don't think are acceptable and nor do they and it's beginning to cause them some upset. Normally, if there was a party like an 18th/21st, the committee would give them a heads up just to let them know what was going on - that doesn't happen anymore since they have a new Chair - fine, they don't have to, it was only a courtesy extended by the old Chairperson. There are not many teens in the village so these parties are not normally held by local people.

A few months ago there was a party and all the doors and windows of the hall were left open, disco was blaring out til 2am (this is against the halls rental agreement), there were people outside til then too and sitting on mum and dad's front wall. Dad had gone out and politely asked them not to sit on the wall as he couldn't guarantee how secure it is (it's about 150 years old, as is the house) and he got a mouthful of abuse. This weekend he had to take the dog to the vet as there had been a 21st party and about half a dozen beer bottles had been thrown over their fence and dog had cut her paw on the smashed glass. They have a wooden shed which had scorch marks on it from cigarette ends which had been thrown over the garden wall. I contacted the Chair of the hall to let them know as they've always said to let them know if there are any issues with booking. His exact words were 'What do your parents expect buying a house next to a village hall?' I told him that they expect some disruption at times but that this is beyond that in my view. His response was 'tough' and put the phone down.

My mum and dad are in their 80s now and this is really, really upsetting them. They love their cottage and they don't want to move and I don't think they should have to. So, AIBU to think that the hall committee have a responsibility to the rest of the residents surrounding the hall and that disruptions like these are not reasonable and shouldn't just be accepted? Mum and dad have never caused any issues for the hall committee and now they dread every weekend in case they end up with a garden full of glass and litter on the Sunday morning.

OP posts:
Whattodoabout · 08/10/2019 13:31

Poor parents. Maybe a call to the council and a chat with the local parish priest?

Not sure really but I do feel for your parents.

Remoteisland · 08/10/2019 13:34

This thread has been running in recent months. I wonder if some people are confusing your issue with this one?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3671715-AIBU-to-ask-you-to-clarify-reasonable-in-my-dispute-with-a-church-and-noise

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/10/2019 13:38

I'd go to the local paper, if I were you - or at least tell the village hall committee that you're going to unless they actually show some interest and concern for their neighbours and do their job properly.

Consider also spreading the word in social media, if you're on it.

I very much doubt they'll want the bad publicity, which would likely lead to a decrease in bookings once the place gets a reputation for antisocial behaviour and negligence and complete lack of interest by the managing committee.

Your parents sound really lovely but they/you have to stand up here as their kindness and goodwill are being utterly exploited. They see it as a two-way thing, but the VH committee appear not to see it the same way.

blackcat86 · 08/10/2019 13:42

The new chair's attitude is disgusting! I think contacting other committee members who have been involved longer would be good. I would also encourage them to call the police if parties are getting out of hand.

Juells · 08/10/2019 13:55

Can't you object to the licence being issued? Don't know how you'd go about it. I don't live in the UK (I'm in Ireland) but when I had an exhibition opening I had to apply to the guards (IIRC) for a licence so I could serve wine. If the local police get complaints every single time that a licence is issued for that hall, for breaching the terms of the licence, it might put a stop to committee's gallop.

ButtonMoonLoon · 08/10/2019 13:57

As well as the suggestions below, I would also contact your local councils Environmental Health department. They usually have a noise abatement team, and in our area are very strict about noise levels and antisocial behaviour in close proximity to residential areas.
Calling the police is a good idea too- your parents simply should not have to put up with such rude and disrespectful behaviour.
The committee should have a written complaint procedure which should also be followed.

sarahjconnor · 08/10/2019 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LimpidPools · 08/10/2019 13:58

To confuse matters with that other thread even more...

If your parents are church goers OP, might it be worth speaking to the vicar? As a respected member of the village community I mean.

Juells · 08/10/2019 13:58

Ha, you can object.

www.gov.uk/temporary-events-notice

(Quote from link) The council cannot refuse a notice unless the police or environmental health object to it. They must do this within 3 working days of receiving it. They can only object if they think your event could:

lead to crime and disorder
cause a public nuisance
be a threat to public safety
put children at risk of harm
If there’s an objection, your council’s licensing committee will hold a meeting (called a ‘hearing’) no later than 24 hours before the event (unless all parties agree that a hearing is not needed).

spanthepopular · 08/10/2019 14:01

This is terrible. Not sure of your parents use a smart phone but I would take photos of any litter, photo of the dog's paw, video any disturbances, and send it all to the council. It is all completely unacceptable, it's a village hall not a bloody nightclub.

flapslack · 08/10/2019 14:04

YANBU

Even in a city centre an established venue has to abide by the law regarding noise disturbance.
Could you get a copy of their liquor licence and music licence? I suspect it will have conditions attached regarding alcohol and noise timings and reasonable behaviour.

Ensure you parents photograph/video all the disturbances and present it in writing in order to revoke their licences. You might find things change very very quickly.

TheTrollFairy · 08/10/2019 14:08

How was a party allowed to go on so late? When you hire them around me someone unlocks and then comes back just before then end time to lock back up.

I agree with others, I would speak to the council about this, maybe put in a noise complaint (although if most of the parties finish on time you might not get anywhere).

Could you install CCTV on their property? It won’t be able to over lock the hall but it will record people coming into their property

flapslack · 08/10/2019 14:10

I meant to say, it's easier to get this stopped than if it was neighbour disturbances because it is organised and presumably for profit. Therefore they need some sort of liquor licence which can be revoked very easily if conditions are broken.
Residential disturbances are harder to get stopped because obviously people do not need a licence to drink in their own homes.

Bowerbird5 · 08/10/2019 14:14

I would start with going to the next meeting and at "Any other business " bring it up. Photos if possible distributed. Chair will be more careful at a meeting.
Our village looks after older people too.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 14:24

I’m getting De Ja Vu....are you sure you haven’t posted this before ?

Perhaps you are thinking of the thread where the OP was having problems when the Methodist church she had lived next to in peaceable harmony for umpteen years was rented out to 7th Day Adventists, and they were holding services that lasted from 7-ish in the evening to the early hours of the morning, and were VERY, VERY LOUD

I don't know if that got sorted.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 14:25

Sorry - not this OP, but the OP on the other thread - I know what I mean, but I've got jumbled up.

Sorry

Topseyt · 08/10/2019 14:32

Contact your parents' local council and enquire about getting a noise abatement order served. Ask whether or not one can be served on the Village Hall Committee. I really don't know how it might work there, but is worth a go.

Take photos of the rubbish and broken glass left in their garden after parties etc. Don't clear it up until afterwards. Contact your local Parish Council or go on their website to find out about the next meeting. Go to the meeting to bring up the problem.

Contact their local councillors about the issue. Their MP too. If you can, have the names of people on the Village Hall Committee available to give them, so that they can be contacted.

Your parents have my every sympathy. What you describe is utterly unreasonable and cannot be allowed to continue.

Good luck.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 08/10/2019 14:35

I know a fair bit about renting halls! Your parents have been so reasonable. This is not reasonable at all.

Police next time for sure.

LIZS · 08/10/2019 14:43

Is the drinks licence for the hall or each event? They can object at renewal. Also contact pcso and ask then to liaise with committee on their behalf re antisocial behaviour and overstaying the time. Some halls do not permit teen parties for this reason.

CharityConundrum · 08/10/2019 15:21

When I was on the committee of a village hall, they didn't even accept bookings that they thought might disturb the neighbours, so nothing at new year and late-night parties were not really allowed unless there was a specific purpose to the event beyond getting smashed!

I would start with an email asking the chair to confirm in writing that the committee's view on the disturbance is that it's not their problem? I'd be surprised if anyone would want to put that officially in writing, so it might be a good place to start. Then you can escalate and should have evidence of the chair's unhelpful response.

Spudlet · 08/10/2019 15:28

I’d be tempted to phot then sweep up any mess, bag it up and take it along to the parish council meeting. And I’d complain to the police every time there was unreasonable noise like that. Pictures of the mess would be going onto the village Facebook page as well. And screenshots of any rude messages from the Chair. Basically, I’d become That Neighbour.

Easy to say though, when I’m not in my eighties. So, have you got the option of being That Neighbour for them?

Purpleartichoke · 08/10/2019 15:31

I’m in a completely different country, but we have a method here that might help. The village hall added a requirement that any events serving alcohol must hire an off-duty police officer to provide security for the duration of the event. The hall administrators just add it to the rental fee as they have an already established relationship with a group of officers willing to provide this service so it isn’t up to the party hosts to track down an appropriate chaperone.

SpiderCharlotte · 08/10/2019 17:49

Thank you for all the suggestions, I'm taking them all on board.

I've given them my old digital camera (they don't use a smart phone) to take any photos if they need to.

When you hire them around me someone unlocks and then comes back just before then end time to lock back up. This has actually raised another point - when you hire the hall (I know this because I and lots of other friends have hired it before), they actually give the keys to whoever has hired it. That's only supposed to happen for local people who are known to the caretaker, but it's pretty obvious that they're handing the keys out willy nilly.

My parents are very much 'don't say anything, we don't want to cause any trouble' type of people as they don't want to upset anyone, but I don't want this to continue.

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