To think my teenage dd could be autistic?

[snapcrap]

God, where to start.

About 10 years ago, under a different username, I posted about my then six year old and her anger and generally unpredictable and difficult behaviour. ASD was never mentioned by anyone and never occurred to us, mainly because she showed no signs (realise now that I've read up on girls with autism how ignorant that was).

Always wondered why she was so angry. She's now an amazing, clever, funny teenager with loads of friends...but with self harming, anxiety and social issues. Ended up in A&E a few weeks ago.

Out of the blue a counsellor asked has she ever been tested for autism. We were floored. Never occurred to us. Very open to exploring it and not afraid of it.

Anyone any experience of this? I'll also go to the appropriate boards on here but posting here for traffic.

TIA

Very similar to your story OP. Our 16yr old DD is waiting for a CAMHS autism assessment, on top of her social anxiety, low mood, eating disorder. The waiting list is unbelievably long.

She actually brought it up a couple of years ago, something she had looked up online and thought possibly applicable to herself. I was shocked to say the least (had never considered it, had not known any autistic girls before) but thinking more about it, she does have some "autistic traits".

I need to do more reading up on autism in girls, but it's great for your DD that you're so supportive

My younger sister is 15 and was diagnosed with autism (and ADHD) when she was 8/9. She has anger and concentration issues and the school were able to give her additional support.

But, she struggles at school, a lot.

IME (I've known a lot of children and adults with autism - different levels of severity) a diagnosis for autism in an older child/young adult doesn't actually make much of a difference.

It's not going to improve her self-harming or social anxiety. That's what the counsellor should be doing.
Your daughter sounds like she's coping fairly well with the traits you noticed when she was younger - could the self-harm be depression?
The counsellor needs to focus on doing her job and helping your daughter with the self-harm and anxiety.

A diagnosis can help an older child or young adult significantly, in helping her (and you) understand why she reacts to things as she does, and in finding support mechanisms that can help. Also it can enable you to have support put in through school and university (if she chooses to go), and in the workplace.

A counsellor won't necessarily have the specialist training to support your daughter. As someone who was diagnosed later in life, and missed out on so many opportunities because that understanding was not there, I'd strongly recommend pursuing a diagnosis. At best, it gets her specialised help (which you may have to source privately, all the cuts mean NHS support is woefully lacking). At worst, she's not lost anything and the assessment may suggest other avenues that might help.

My DD is 16 and she was diagnosed privately a year and a half ago. I suspected it for years, and adjusted my parenting and expectations as a result. This meant that our home life was much easier for her and she grew in confidence there, but school became increasingly difficult. I had attempted diagnosis through the GP, but her school at the time was uncooperative and the GP said "some children don't have friends".

Her official diagnosis led to a lot more support at school, with her exams, and she's found an online community of girls her age that she can associate with. She is confident and happy, and understands herself well.

Official diagnosis was definitely worth it.

My son was diagnosed this year, he is 15 now and I had no idea. Going through the assessments made me realise all the signs I'd missed. They did tell me it was common to miss as he was my only child so it was all our "normal" as they put it. He also wasn't badly behaved, was advanced in his milestones and was quite clever at school. All the things I naively thought was typical for autism. His problems started in high school where it was all too much for him. The diagnosis is helping now because things have got worse for him, socially he is behind and struggles to attend school. He now has proper help and understanding.

Thank you so much for these replies.

We are seeing her CAMHS counselor later and I want to discuss with her further.

Agree with both, seemingly opposed, views that a) it doesn't really 'mean' much as she's still who she is and has her problems with or without a diagnosis and b) that getting a diagnosis would be great so that we can adjust accordingly and school would know etc.

This is such new territory.

I think for us, and for her to a lesser extent, it would at least give us answers as to where her unfathomable anger comes from. We've tried to reason with her her entire life and never really got anywhere on that one.

She is absolutely amazing though :-)

Please do keep giving me your stories and experiences it's so helpful and thank you again to all replying. Hope you are all going ok

My DS has a DX young, about 6 years old and we managed to get lots of support at primary school.
At secondary he suffered from having too much support and was therefore labelled and put in special classes. We moved him to a small child centred private school and gave up his funded support, since 12 he’s not really used his DX as a label and doesn’t refer to it that often, he didn’t tell his new school about his DX when he went to 6th form.
He’s just started at university and has disclosed his DX incase he needs some ‘life skills’ support.
My DS is in control of his DX, he chooses who he tells and who he doesn’t, mostly he doesn’t feel the need to tell people as he’s confident and capable in most situations, he’s not ashamed of his DX but also does not want to be treated differently because of it, this seems to work well for him.
He’s come a long way and seems a happy person, we are very proud of him and feel that having the DX has overall been a positive experience for him and us, it was extremely valuable when he was a very difficult young child (which thankfully now seems a long time ago).
Best of luck for you and your lovely DD.

I'd get the diagnosis.

It can open doors, and closes very few. My DD was diagnosed at 9 and is in a mainstream Sixth Form college, doing very well. It does help her know why she is different to other people.
It is also useful for both her and us knowing that she does think differently and trying to understand. And if she goes to Uni it will open doors to her having support available.

There is research for example that a lot of girls with Anorexia are on the spectrum.

I definitely agree that official diagnosis is helpful. My son got diagnosed at 13 after having major issues such as threatening suicide and self harm.
The diagnosis enabled us to get him into a different learning establishment and he has had so much help.
He's now 16 and doing a level 3 course at college and gets extra exam time and huge help from student support.

There is very good help available at university level, much easier to access than getting support at school, but you need a proper DX to access it.