To ask how you deal with this sort of person?

[Andysbestadventure]

How do you deal with people who, when in an argument, or a heated discussion, their go-to response is "I'm not a bad person!" or other such handy catchphrases as "try putting the shoe on the other foot" when that wouldn't even be relevant to most of what the argument is ever about and, last but not least "I try my best".

The same responses wheeled out no matter what the discussion is about this could range from cancelling plans and not updating the relevant people to kidnapping the next born child of the royal family, it wouldn't matter... no acceptance of their responsibility in any form, ever or willingness to see or understand how their actions affect others.

Inclusive of then flipping any heated discussion or argument to somehow be a semi shouty one about how hard they have it - tired, overworked, skint, trying so hard all the time, has blue mushrooms growing out of their arse, whatever...

How the fuck do you deal with it when you have to live with this person or can't 'not' engage with it??

God knows. Watching with interest as I can relate.

leave them

@Gretais I wish.

Sarcasm. You can't reason with them, and if you start getting frustrated or upset they've won.

'yes that's fantastic, thanks for sharing, now back to when you decided to cancel'

'of course, that would be a great point if it was relevant to the kidnapping'

'I know, let's drop the conversation and throw a pity party for your hard life'

Not only does it tend to shut them up, but instead of you getting upset or angry, they do, whilst you amuse yourself at their expense.

I’d say something along the lines of “ well, that’s enough about you....”

It's playing the victim.

Try- 'putting aside the fact that generally, yes you are indeed a good person, can we just for a minute explore your involvement and its consequences?'

And 'if the shoe was on the other foot isn't relevant in this instance. From my point of view, you really should have listened when I asked you X and I need to hear why you chose to discard that?'

Etc

Acknowledge that they want to bring out the 'woe is me' card, but them bring them back to reality and ask for engagement. If they just won't, it's probably not going to something you can help with.

It's like a circle jerk of the answers every time @icarriedawatermelon81 if I said to stop pulling the woe is me card then they'd be right back to "I'm not a horrible person".

Just can't handle it anymore. It's not even my SO, it's a close friend and I'm starting to realise he's just a bit of a massive cunt as I find that sort of behaviour manipulative and gaslighting.

how about "yes, but in this respect you ARE displaying horrible person charactistics"?

I had an Ex like this.

ex.

Maybe, you may not be a bad person but _ is bad behaviour