ABIU to think that do we really need friends?

[iknowimallmine]

Just saw a thread about school mums drama and how there are cliques that treat other mums who are not a part of this group with disdain etc. Basically adult women behaving like they have never grown up. This made me thinking that do we really need friends? Some women mentioned on that thread that women who stay at home crave company. I am a SAHP and while I do like hanging out with people I can't be bothered by putting too much effort in a friendship.

For me I believe friendship should be effortless. A good friend would understand where you are coming from and yes whilst there are arguments there will not be heated shouting matches. They are honest to you and you can be honest to them. There should be sincerity and locality in friendship.

Most of the women I have met seem more like fair weather people with no sincerity or honesty. Isn't it better to be just alone than hangout with these kind of women. I honestly like my own company and am happy on my own with my little family. I do worry that it might affect my DD in school if I don't make an effort with other mums. Will that be the case?

My friends are very important to me but then i am quite a social creature also helps you live longer!

My best friend just moved to South America and I'm struggling. I have good friends here - funny, reliable, flexible (ie dont freak out if I have to cancel and vice versa, we don't do gifts but are very supportive of each other), intelligent. But my best friend, well we were Hinge and Bracket! We sewed together, we spoke pretentiously about opera, told bawdy jokes, swore like sailors, brought our own slippers if we were chilling out in the other's house.

But, I'm ploughing on, putting more energy into the other friendships. I couldn't be without friends. I have two good ones and s handful of secondary friends who I can hang out with in a group - none are bitchy or shallow or pretentious, just down to earth women.

I'm 44 and quite happy to back off from potential CFers or weirdos.

BipBippadotta Though sincerity and honesty aren't things I think all that much about in a friendship - what's important to me is sense of humour, a sense of the absurd, vaguely compatible worldview, basic decency. I don't think I've ever had an issue wondering whether my friends are honest or sincere. Just never came up.

I'm with you on the things you list that matter - especially a compatible sense of humour. However, doesn't "basic decency" cover a certain level of honesty and sincerity? Like, you might not actively think about it, but sort of assume it's there?

Having no friends can be either lonely or blissful! I seem to have deliberately let friendships fade over the last few years (in my 60s) but I'm friendly and approachable, and I'm sure I could quickly find some new ones through social activities but I CBA with socialising right now. Maybe in the Spring!

YABU OP as it's a fundamental human need to belong somewhere, in our own little group. Humans only survived and thrived due to working together in social groups - it's in our very nature to need to belong. Loneliness is very bad for physical and mental health, and the underlying need to belong is a driving force in so many - most? - human behaviours.

Having a family may meet this basic need in the shorter term, but children grow up and leave home, partners leave or die. I think the increasing isolation of how we live, including isolating yourself to your own nuclear family, is the cause of so much unhappiness and depression.

I agree friendship should be mainly effortless (barring supporting each other) and I also hate the cliques and other playground type behaviour that so many adults seem to engage in. I too value honesty and sincerity. And I've also been burned many times, and am pretty lonely now. But I still want to try to make more friends and know how important it is - and value the friends I do have particularly, as it's so rare for me to "click" with someone!

I'm very sociable and extrovert so friends are important to me. My friends aren't the school mums though, my friends are ones I've known for 2 decades who I've grown up with and know inside out.

Well I love my friends.
Don't have to see them ALL the time, but they are there when I need them.
School mums are fine where I live too 🤷‍♀️