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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask your opinions on Home Educating

48 replies

TheMustressMhor · 07/10/2019 17:11

I have seen a lot of debate on MN about this and there is a wide variety of opinions.

Personally I wouldn't feel confident in my ability to give my DC a good education.

I know that many parents of DC with SEN are conflicted. There are obviously pros and cons to HE children.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

OhMsBeliever · 07/10/2019 18:11

I home educate my youngest. At school he was an outcast, different, didn't fit in because of his autism and adhd. He wasn't disruptive so was left to sit and stare into space daily without the help he needed and then punished for not doing the work that they wouldn't help him with.

So I took him out of school. And he has an amazing group of friends, they get him, he gets them, he sees them regularly, but also gets to have time out he needs from socialising and being around people.

He's seen in the community, we join in with stuff that his brothers school does, he does music lessons with the local county music service, goes to scouts, sports classes etc.

He gets to learn the stuff he's interested in while going back to basics for the things he has trouble with rather than him not getting it and missing out as a class carries on with the curriculum.

School is not fit for all kids. My others thrived, they love it, I have kids in mainstream and special school. But my youngest was in a kind of limbo where he couldn't cope at mainstream but was not severe enough for an ehcp and special school.

I chose not to have the LA visit as it's not a requirement, but I send them a report of everything my DS has done over the year.

It's been great for us and I actually wish I'd done it from the start, and done it with all mine.

lljkk · 07/10/2019 18:11

I know a lot of children who were HE: not one b/c of bullying. Only one had possible SN slowing down his learning.

I would hate to HE DC. I want to have less influence on DC.
The parents who persist seem to love it. Almost everything they say they like about it I wouldn't like.

readingreadingreading · 07/10/2019 18:13

I was thinking about this, I love the idea but I hardly manage to get my DD to scribble 2 lines of homework as it is. I've no idea how I'd get her to sit down and do any noticeable amount of work alone with me. She does fine at school.
Other parents either have more motivated children or are better at discipline than me.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 07/10/2019 18:19

My first child had a perfectly ok experience at school. Didn't like it much, but the school was lovely. However home ed was better for us for a good few years and they have just gone back 'into the system'.

These threads come up about every 6 months, and the same 'debates' will be had.

Fundamentals are that legally it is still up to the parent to determine what education is best for their child and facilitate it. No two families are alike so no educational set ups are the same either. However mainstream education caters for as many differing types as possible, but can't suit everyone.

Original poster

TheMustressMhor · 07/10/2019 18:23

But then you are clearly suggesting it's "wrong" in other circumstances

I am not suggesting for a moment that HE is wrong in some circumstances.

On the contrary I am sure that it is the right option for some children.

I don't know how parents who work deal with their feelings when they feel that they should start to HE, but they cannot give up work.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheMustressMhor · 07/10/2019 18:25

For example - my youngest DC would likely have benefitted from being HE.

But DH and I could not give up work to facilitate this. We couldn't afford not to work.

OP posts:

MAFIL · 07/10/2019 18:41

I have quite a few friends who HE, all for different reasons. I have to confess that in the past I held quite a few of the stereotypical anti HE views, but now I know people who do/have done it and have seen their children grow into perfectly normal well adjusted young adults I am pretty ashamed of my previous opinions. I am quite envious of them in some ways. The freedom is attractive.

However, like anything else, it has its pros and cons and I don't think I would have been very good at it to be honest. I think there are some HE advocates whose anti school standpoint is equally ridiculous as the anti HE camp's. School has given my children opportunities that I wouldn't have dreamed of suggesting and I doubt they would have asked to try without prompting. That said, we were fortunate to have a local village school staffed by fantastic teachers and TAs with a wide range of specialist interests, led by a distinctly non conformist head teacher who relished sticking two fingers up at OFSTED and actually providing a wide ranging education for the children. That gave my children a start to their formal education that many others don't get and which has helped them thrive in secondary school. If my own children had suffered in school I would probably feel differently.

Overall it is not something I would do myself, but I don't think it is wrong and I am glad we live in a country where the choice exists. School isn't universally good and HE isn't universally good either.

BackforGood · 07/10/2019 18:57

Some of the most well socialized, friendly, smart and engaged kids I've met are home educated.

This ^ BUT the lack of regulation is scary. The fact than anyone can just withdraw their child (or not start them at school) without any follow up is the bit that needs to be looked at.

Dowser · 07/10/2019 19:09

Boule Baker..my dad has had the same experiences home ending her children
They are all happy we’ll adjusted kids with loads of friends around the county
They go to university of Durham and Newcastle for lectures
Many businesses put on special home Ed days
14 year old is now in classes for gcse’s Next year...just one day a week

Dowser · 07/10/2019 19:09

Daughter...not dad

Dowser · 07/10/2019 19:11

My dd has been fortunate that her husband has been able to provide for them all

BouleBaker · 07/10/2019 19:49

That’s great Dowser. Yes, loads of places run Home Ed days and home Ed discounts. We did a course on dark energy with the university physics outreach dept. DS was only 8 and loved it. It really is what you make it.

BouleBaker · 07/10/2019 19:50

And we have a choice of 2 exam centres down here, and loads of classes teaching GCSEs. No need to miss out at all.

Curious2468 · 07/10/2019 20:13

Locally we could do home Ed groups multiple times a day. My 12 year old is working towards 2 GCSEs and has plans for others next year. They have also achieved their silver level duke of York (computer based) award. They have loads of friends who they see regularly and amazing opportunities (we met Tim Peake last year). Seriously I think people who aren’t in that world have no idea the amazing things on offer to us!

gruffalo28 · 07/10/2019 20:21

I've never done it as school has worked out well for us so far but I am very glad it is there as an option and would lobby strongly to allow parents to make this choice.

Ibiza2015 · 07/10/2019 20:38

Are you considering doing it? You have to be very, very honest with yourself about your capabilities and limitations. For example, not having a broad knowledge of what your kids need to learn, a tendency for procrastination or you lose interest in things quickly, aren’t organised or self motivated. I know some people do it brilliantly but some don’t.

I say this because a family member of mine is doing HE and she’s in a right mess. She’s not very well educated herself but thought she could teach her kids anything they need to know and how to teach them. But she’s never really taught them, when they’re at home she tries to teach them but they want to go on their Nintendo, play with their toys or a tablet. She always relents because it’s easier for her. She trots out stats like ‘children don’t go to school until they’re 7 in Sweden. But they have a kindergarten system that is free and most children go and they do learn there, maybe using a different method but they’re still learning. The kids are well past 7 now and she’s still not started teaching them a thing. They watch BBC documentaries and go to HE groups but that’s it. I think she’s gone into denial because she doesn’t want to deal with the issue.

Anyway, upshot is her children are growing up illiterate and not numerate. It’s getting to the stage now where they’re so old it’s going to take some pretty intense intervention to stop that happening and she’s not currently interested in that.

The other thing is social relationships and independence. My relatives kids mix with other kids in HE groups and that’s it. Kids don’t have opportunities to develop independence and they don’t have any personal relationships which aren’t mediated by their Mum to some extent.

I’m not knocking HE itself saying this, but I’d advise you to consider your capability very, very seriously. Because it can go wrong.

Mummyshark2019 · 07/10/2019 20:48

Nope. I leave teaching to the professionals. Plus, it's better for the kids to be amongst other kids in my opinion.

Original poster

TheMustressMhor · 08/10/2019 16:03

The kids are well past 7 now and she's still not teaching them a thing

So who regulates the education (or lack of it) that children who are HE receive?

Surely it cannot be possible for any parent to say that they're HE their DC and then teach them nothing?

OP posts:

Original poster

TheMustressMhor · 08/10/2019 16:04

Anyway, upshot is her children are growing up illiterate and not numerate

So who is responsible for ensuring that children receive sufficient education?

OP posts:

Vampyress · 08/10/2019 16:11

I think its incredibly courageous and brilliant if you can do it and have the patience for it. I don't think children get the attention they need academically with all the cuts and so much disruption from other children's behaviour. There are so many other ways to support your children in having interaction with their peers.

If I had the patience and funds I would love to do it, but as I remember teaching my teenager to read I think I will safely stick to sending my sons to a state school and hopefully not scar them for life haha

lazylinguist · 08/10/2019 16:13

I would only HE as a last resort (for example because of serious mental health issues caused by bullying, or if it were priving impossible to find a school that adequately dealt with SEN etc).

It's not just the social aspect that concerns me. I just think I would find it extremely hard to home ed my child - finding the balance between learning and leisure, helping them with learning subjects that I'm not an expert in etc. And I say that as a teacher with nearly 25 years' experience. It absolutely baffles me that so many people feel equipped to home educate their children.

CharityConundrum · 08/10/2019 16:15

I have come across a number of kids older than 7 at full time school who can't read or write, so mainstream schooling alone is not enough to ensure a child is receiving a sufficient education.

Cookit · 08/10/2019 16:21

It is not my intention to HE but I am happy it’s an option if everything goes wrong.
I hated school and was badly bullied and I’ve always said that I just won’t allow that to happen to my children. I know it’s not necessarily as simple as that but I’d be prepared to pull my kids out if school didn’t work out.

I have no idea how I’d do it though - we end up watching a lot of TV when I’m home alone with the kids and I find coming up with something productive to do every day exhausting. That every day for years would be draining. If it was the best choice though, I’d do it.

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