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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenage DS and family get togethers

25 replies

MrsMouse03 · 07/10/2019 16:48

So we have a family get together planned in a couple of weeks and DS 16 has said that he doesn't want to come as he has football and another social plan that weekend.

We have to make a 4 hour journey to the get together. I don't want to leave him home alone as lots of his friends have arranged parties when parents away. My husband is going to stay at home too as we also have a dog that can't come with us - we put dog in kennels if we all go.

My sibling says this is not acceptable and demanding to know why they aren't coming.

AIBU to do this or is my sibling?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/10/2019 16:50

Does your sibling usually impose views like this?

firelightbright · 07/10/2019 16:50

Your sibling is being unreasonable. At 16 I didn't attend any family gatherings tbh. Unless it's a big occasion for someone I think they should be excused. What is the gathering for?

Fairylea · 07/10/2019 16:51

Your sibling is being unreasonable.

BarbedBloom · 07/10/2019 16:53

Your sibling is being unreasonable. I can't think of much worse for atmosphere than a 16 year old who was forced to be there.

BertrandRussell · 07/10/2019 16:53

Your sibling is being unreasonable.
However, my children attended family events unless they had definite plans that trumped whatever it was.

Original poster
MrsMouse03 · 07/10/2019 16:54

Just a general meet up as we all live in different parts of the country.

I am still going and it's my family so makes sense for hubby to stay at home with dog and DS.

My sibling has strong opinions and I'm always the "awkward one" in his eyes.

OP posts:
noroominthefridge · 07/10/2019 16:56

The DH is also not going. Not really a family get-together if two thirds of OP's family aren't going to attend.

Pagwatch · 07/10/2019 16:56

Yeah, your sibling can fuck off

MeredithGrey1 · 07/10/2019 16:56

Whether you're being reasonable or not (and I think you are), it's your parenting decision and so sibling should accept it quietly

BackforGood · 07/10/2019 16:57

Your sibling would be fine to say "Oh, that's a shame, I was looking forward to seeing them" or similar Your sibling is not entitled to dictate to you what arrangements you make in your family, nor tell you if they think they are acceptable or not.

As long as this isn't a one off 100th birthday or something, or the only chance Grandparents flying in from abroad are likely to see your d in a 10 year period, then it is fine that your ds prioritises other commitments over a secondary invitation. It is what happens as they get older and start having commitments.

mbosnz · 07/10/2019 16:58

Your sibling does not get to tell you, or your DH or your DS, what to do.

This is what is going to happen. If he is going to be awkward and rude, and bullying, and kick off because things aren't going as he dictates feels they ought to go, then could he please let you know, and you won't be attending to be his punching bag either.

ShirleyPhallus · 07/10/2019 16:59

As a 16 year old I couldn’t think of much worse social events than forced family fun which inevitably included your great aunt kissing you on the lips and at the age where you’re too old to hang out with the kids but too young to be with the adults

I don’t think it’s great your son can’t be trusted at home alone for fear of holding a party though

Sibling can slot off

PixieDustt · 07/10/2019 17:00

Your sibling is a bit of a dick isn't he?
He's 16 the last thing he is going to want to do is hang around with family when he has other stuff planned

Drum2018 · 07/10/2019 17:05

Your sibling has no say. Tell him to mind his own business. You'll be there to see your family. What does it matter if your Ds and Dh don't go?

When Ds was 16 he'd sleep at a friend's house but spend the day at home and look after the cats. From 17 he'd stay home alone. To my knowledge he didn't have parties - I'd told him that the next door neighbour would be on the look out for gangs of teens turning up Grin He has no interest in visiting relatives and I have no interest in looking at his bored face if he does come with us.

Whoops75 · 07/10/2019 17:07

Your sister is being unreasonable
Teenagers need friends and sports more than tea with family.
I think it’s hard to understand teens when your own kids are young.
I used to think my older sister overindulged hers and now Im eating my words.

fedup21 · 07/10/2019 17:08

If your DH isn’t going anyway, your son isn’t home alone.

Original poster
MrsMouse03 · 07/10/2019 17:09

Thanks all, I feel better now.
I could leave DS home alone I guess but maybe next time. His group of close friends are going through a real party phase at the moment 😆

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 07/10/2019 17:10

At 16, I’m guessing that football is a team
That practices regularly. He has a commitment to his team. Obviously certain family events take priority, but a general
gathering should have considered his schedule equally with the consideration given to the various adult’s schedules when picking a day.

Minioooons · 07/10/2019 17:10

Tell your sibling to go do one. who do they think they are being so entitled to demand anyone do what they want. Your ds has perfectly good reasons and besides your dh will be there as well.

Whoops75 · 07/10/2019 17:10

*brother

Nicolastuffedone · 07/10/2019 17:13

Tell your sibling, if he doesn’t straighten his face, you won’t be coming either.

underground76 · 07/10/2019 17:25

It is absolutely not up to your sibling to decide what your teenager does at the weekends.

I'm pretty sure I wasn't expected to come to general family get-togethers at 16. Apart having their own social lives, sports activities, homework etc, loads of 16-year-olds have weekend jobs so it's pretty normal for them not to be tagging along to every meet-up. I'd drag them to a wedding or the 'big' birthday of a grandparent or something, but that's about it.

Original poster
MrsMouse03 · 07/10/2019 17:35

Absolutely if it was a special Birthday or similar I would certainly make sure he came along but not just for a general weekend.

Maybe my brother doesn't understand as his children are 10 and 13!

OP posts:
zingally · 07/10/2019 17:38

I don't really see the problem of him staying home, especially if the hubby is as well.

And even if hubby weren't, I'd like to think that a 16 year old could be left unattended for a day, and even overnight.

jay55 · 07/10/2019 18:08

I'd bet the 13 year old isn't that thrilled at having to go either.

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