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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why is everyone so busy?

26 replies

swearsby · 07/10/2019 15:31

I feel it's always me doing the messaging to friends to say hi and how are they. I rarely get messages out of the blue.

Found myself feeling really lonely at the weekend - husband and son both away - which in itself was OK. but added to the fact I felt surrounded but very alone made me sad.

Looking up old friends on facebook - realising they were all too busy with their lives to want to talk. Same with current friends.

Is this the norm? AIBU to think people are too busy for actual interactions anymore?

OP posts:
Whatstodo2019 · 07/10/2019 15:34

They are probably available for a chat at a time when you are busy.

Original poster
swearsby · 07/10/2019 15:36

@whatstodo2019.. So how do we overcome this - so many mediums by which to make contact.... makes it too easy almost that it is hard... "I'll answer that message in a mo" then it gets forgotten as opposed to knocks on the door or the phone ringing?

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 07/10/2019 15:37

I am massively busy. But my best friend is like my sister and we message everyday.

It really depends on the type of relationship you have with your friends. My friendship with her is my main adult relationship. Dp knows and understands this. We have been through hell and back together. So its natural for us to be like that.

That said it doesnt mean we are always available to meet up and usually need some notice

Original poster
swearsby · 07/10/2019 15:39

I don't expect people to drop what they are doing to respond by any means but it's amazing with so many opportunities to make contact you can feel so alone.

I guess perhaps because I don't really have any long term friendships (lots of childhood/teenage moves around the country) perhaps thats why?

OP posts:
MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 07/10/2019 15:40

I used to have the same mentality and get upset that I felt I was reaching out to check on friends etc more often than they did on me.
Now I just think it's just a positive trait of mine that I take the time to be caring and reach out and put in effort. As long as when I contact people they are receptive to making plans or asking how I am back etc I don't let it bother me too much.
If they show zero interest in me back when I'm making effort, that's when I'll stop bothering.

Original poster
swearsby · 07/10/2019 15:43

@MySonIsAlsoNamedBort I like that stance on it. Turn it over and it makes a big difference to how you view it.

Growing up my Mum always said we have what are called life stage friends - school age, college, uni, parenthood etc. She is spot on and I can almost think of X is from my uni years, Y is from school.

I'm not from where I live - although have lived here a good 14 years. Only really begun to "socialise" when my son started school last year. And some of the playground politics makes my hair stand on end and be glad I'm not surrounded by "friends"

But at times, I'd like to have a cuppa and a chin wag with a buddy.

OP posts:
Whatstodo2019 · 07/10/2019 15:48

I'm definitely a person that could take hours if not days to reply to a message. But so are many of my friends, especially those with young children.

TabbyMumz · 07/10/2019 15:53

I think that because there are so many mediums (fb, Twitter, snapchat, Instagram, text, wattsapp) to be contacted on that people feel overwhelmed. You end up with more people contacting you in your free time that you normally would have contact with, such as work colleagues, acquaintances etc. Whereas before it would be very unlikely a work colleague would ring you, now they might drop you a line on watsapp over the weekend.

1forAll74 · 07/10/2019 16:13

I live alone, and have done for many years now,and it doesn't upset me about having no contact with people.. I have a son who lives in the same village as me, and he is always too busy to chat to me when I call round to see him, I sometimes feel like I need to make an appointment to see him ha ha.

I have a daughter also,who lives miles away. she is always busy with her own business to run, her two boys (my grandsons) and her partner.

I often write emails to my son, and daughter, I don't much like gabbling on phones, but if they mail me back, they are only very short emails.

I have mostly given up going to my local pub,for a drink and a chat,as most of the people are sitting at the tables,or the bar, glued to their phones, or attempting to show you some crap photo's on them, and nobody attempts to have any conversations at all.

Original poster
swearsby · 07/10/2019 16:26

Hmmmm... a phone/SM detox would be good. There are people I definitely need to be in contact with/contactable such as husband, Mum and school.. but other than that..

My phone takes 2 sims... wonder if i could switch one off?

OP posts:
VapeVamp12 · 07/10/2019 16:36

People aren't allowed to not be busy these days. It's like a competition to be busiest.

People ask me to do stuff and I just say i'm too busy - usually if i'm not at work i'm at home watching TV eating biscuits Grin

Original poster
swearsby · 07/10/2019 16:40

@VapeVamp12. I like your busy lol

OP posts:
Pukkaorange · 07/10/2019 17:23

I'm not overly busy, I just make out am I as I like to socialise but in very, very small doses.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 07/10/2019 17:26

@VapeVamp12 I agree with the busy competition thing. I think people confuse being "busy" with being "interesting" these days hahaha

elprup · 07/10/2019 17:30

I feel completely overwhelmed with my life to be honest - work takes up a lot of my time and the house is a constant mess, so I never feel I have a moment to just sit and relax. I'm sure a lot of people feel like this!

inwood · 07/10/2019 17:35

I am genuinely busy in the week, work, commute, kids, normal hamster wheel busy. Saturday the kids do stuff in bathe morning, Saturday afternoons we will meet up with friends. Sunday's I tend to say no to a lot of stuff, I need down time, so do the kids, we'll walk the dogs etc but that's it. I'm a massive introvert though.

inwood · 07/10/2019 17:35

Excuse the random '

myusernamewastakenbyme · 07/10/2019 17:49

I have a friend who is always banging on about how 'busy' she is....she doesnt work and only has one teen at home...I'm pretty sure with her its competitive....she likes to make out she is busier than any of the rest of us who are working full time etc.

tryingtosortmylifeout · 07/10/2019 17:52

I don't get the competitive busyness thing. I would love to not be busy - I hate it! If I could afford a cleaner I would hire one like a shot - it would free up so much of my time.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 07/10/2019 18:00

I'm busy in the sense that I work away pretty regularly and am always 'on'. We have two DC, I'm a governor at one of their schools, I lead a Cubs unit and we both have big families. But I'm also mostly the one in friendships who contacts the others, partly because it's who I am and partly because I know I have friends who've suffered with MH and perhaps need more of me than they can offer in return.

If you're lonely, push yourself more to spend time investing in friendships. It's not always even; there are definitely patches where you give more than you take. But good friendships mean that you don't keep score.

SoreHead22 · 07/10/2019 18:02

I think life just is super busy for people these days. With work, parenting and sleep, I have little time for much else.

I'm often 'too busy' to catch up with friends, but not because I'm out partying, but simply because I can't leave the kids on their own and DH is working late. When I'm 'busy' I'm often actually alone watching TV while the children are sleeping

RONNIETRIX · 07/10/2019 18:07

I have felt like this many many times. People don't seem to care about me ad much as I did them.
Do i took a step back and concentrated on other things, hobbies and self love.
Then it all started to matter less and I realised who my real friends were x

BackforGood · 07/10/2019 19:05

I don't see 'being busy' and 'not having time to have a chat' as the same thing at all. Quite the opposite in fact.
I socialise with people when I am doing things with them. Through volunteering with them, or sharing a hobby together, then I am sitting in the same room as them and having a chat.

I can't understand how people who don't do anything or go anywhere expect to make friends, if they are not mingling with people generally. So I'd say this is a bit upside down

Peachypips78 · 07/10/2019 19:14

I'm probably one of those people. I work long hours in a hospital and when I get home I just want to talk to my husband and kids. I have quite a lot of friends but I just see them as and when - e.g. saw a few friends for a birthday for Sat lunch, chatted to another at a drop-off about her new job etc.

I think there are different types of people in the world - I don't need lots of deep connections with people- just every now and then in a couple of months. I also hate phones which doesn't help! Don't take it personally - I doubt everyone is out carousing without you, just getting on with family life.

FlamingNeedle · 07/10/2019 19:19

Banging on about “being busy” is the mantra of a show-off. I don’t mean anyone on this thread, after all, we were all asked about it, I just mean people who mention it a lot and expect us to be impressed. Mate, you’ve taken too much on or you can’t manage your time- why is that at all impressive?

People who are actually busy just tend to get on with it and don’t really mention it.