To ask about your contact/coparenting and what works for you?

[richteasandcheese]

If you've got a good contact/coparenting agreement that keeps everyone 'happy', I'd love to hear how you work it? STBEXH won't be pursuing 50/50 but we need to work out what's fair for all so everyone's needs are met as much as possible

It's all about communication and flexibility. If you get on well - and it's not a situation where there is going to be squabbling over who has DC for an extra 10 minutes or splitting the holidays exactly as originally agreed, regardless of last minute emergencies etc - then it's just a case of having a general plan but communicating any changes asap and being willing to negotiate

My ex and I share custody 50/50 so DD alternates weeks with us. We aren't best friends but we do get on well and so we're pretty flexible with arrangements if one or other of us needs to change something.

Because DD alternates homes each week each of us only gets half the information and the invites/events etc we receive may not be on our week so we have a WhatsApp chat that we use to keep each other updated. When invites/school letters etc arrive we take a photo and put it on the chat so we both have the info. Also we share an online calendar of DDs commitments so we can both put the event info in.

Because we have a rolling "week on/week off" schedule we know ahead of time who will have DD for special events like birthdays etc but we are flexible enough that we can swap weeks if necessary. For example in the summer DD has 7 weeks off school but I work away for 4 weeks of that time, so instead of DD alternating, she spends those 4 weeks with her dad and the other 3 weeks with me.

Also Christmas is easier for us bc DD was born in Spain so we follow Spanish tradition and have 2 Christmases - one on December 25th and one on January 6th. We just alternate which of us does which Christmas each year so we both get Christmas with DD and we still follow Spanish tradition.

That all sounds very civilised. I think despite everything, being flexible with our arrangements won't be an issue. He will be staying locally to us and the school which will help in terms of splitting weeks

We are flexible, but only because I am a Saint.

I cannot bear the man but our children have definitely benefitted from a lack of tension. We socialise together as a family too, kids seem to appreciate this. We split up 5 years ago, they are late teens/university age now.

My parents split up when I was in my early 20s, it was awful. I vowed never to put any child of mine through such rotten behaviour. Even though I wasn't a child, I was their child but they didn't protect me or my siblings from their shit.

Neither of us have partners now which probably helps with the 'harmony'.

It's only for a couple more years. I'm looking forward to seeing much less of him as time marches on.

We can't really bear each other either, but are united in being as agreeable as possible for the kids. To be honest, it'll be the dogs who are probably more contentious to sort out