DD is a biter!

[NameChanger10011]

Not an AIBU just posting for traffic.

NC as could be outing.

DD is 3.5 and attends school nursery, she has been there since Easter and had settled in fine.
Twice last week I was told by the teachers that she's bitten someone in her class. The first one was because the child kept taking her toys off her and the second was because her best friend didn't want to play with her anymore.

This is out of character for her. The teacher explained it as though she just got filled with anger and did it.

How on earth do I handle this? I've tried having a calm chat with her and it didn't work. I've tried telling her off and and bit herself

I'll also add that she's recently found out that I'm expecting a baby so I don't know if this has anything to do with it?

I've brought her a book about biting and hope that will have a positive impact on her.

Any other suggestions? It really upsets me that she feels so angry she needs to do that, especially when she bit herself

The Teeth are not for Biting book is good, although my DS is younger. Would she be old enough to understand if you explained that it upsets people when she bites? Maybe if you discussed it when she hasn't bitten (if that makes sense, so separate to the issue) and in general discussion so she doesn't get angry?

That's the book I've brought, it's arriving today.

I've explained that it makes people sad and it hurts and she replied that she was sad about what they did.

That's the thing, she actually wants to hurt them

Anyone else?

My dd who is 2 is a biter. She hasn't bit anyone else but her sister thank god cause I'd be mortified!
When she does it I tell her off very sternly but she just laughs 🙈

It sounds like a communication issue which is common at that age. She is frustrated that something unfair has happened and she lashes out by biting. Many children would hit in similar circumstances. It took me ages to teach DS not to hit when frustrated. Keep giving her advice on how to cope, e.g. speak to the child and explain what is upsetting you, tell the teacher, tell me, hit a pillow/mattress, etc. rather than biting. DS had to go from hitting to screaming (which we accepted as it was better than hitting and he really needed an outlet) and from screaming to scrunching up his fists and face in frustration. It was a long process, but it was all about learning to communicate.

Thanks for that. I 100% agree it's a communication issue. I also don't think she'd be doing this if there wasn't something that had triggered it.

I've had a mom from school text me about it telling me to sort her out. She's only 3, there's only so much she can understand.

The mum texting you is completely out of order. She should be taking it up directly with the school, but to be honest that would be an exaggeration as these things happen. And I say that as the mum of a DS who was bitten two times at nursery.

Ask the nursery to see their policy on biting and follow that to the letter at home too if she bites there.
Biting is horrible and upsets both biter and victim.
Basically when she bites sit her straight out with a sharp “NO! BITING HURTS!” Then ensure all attention is lavished on the poor child with the bite mark (running it under cold water helps). Then go down to the biters eye level and say again “biting hurts, we DO NOT bite!” And make sure they apologise.
A three year old understands full well.

What ever you do dont listen to an elder relative, my stupid ex sil ds was going through the biting stage and elder relative said to ex sil you should bite him back he wont do that again! Silly ex sil followed through and seemed quite happy with the result. Next day dn was at nursery and told the staff how he got his bruise when quizzed what had happened he said mummy bit me, social services and police were involved and whilst it was investigated children and silly ex sil stayed at there grans to be supervised. Anyway it got sorted she learned her lesson, I was like holy s$it you bit your son and almost got them taken away you silly women

I'd never bite her back, it doesn't give the right message.

Especially if I'd get investigated!!

I'm working very closely with the school on this, I had a good chat with them on Friday and I wrote a letter to the teacher this morning about things DD had told me had upset her at nursery. I'm waiting to pick her up now to find out how today has been.

It makes me so anxious.

My Dd is a biter and to be honest there is only so much you as a parent can do. Talk to her and read the book every time she bites and for a good week after. She will grow out of it.

My DS stopped biting after we got a puppy. He was affronted to discover that biting hurts!

Although there are other solutions, I am sure.