About 3 year ago my in laws launched an attack on me, ranging from beating on my door when I’m home alone, to threats against my life and SS threats. Ended with a harassment order and is no contact. They still have contact with our eldest child. I thought I was fine. I even don’t panic anymore if I see them in the street.
Home alone tonight and laid up with a broken rib feeling very shitty and they all barge into my house with eldest son. Being fair the harassment order has ended now and if they do kick off it’s usually low key and I have them blocked on everything so it doesn’t come straight to me. I’m not saying they did wrong, they didn’t threaten me or anything.
Im shaking like a dog shitting razor blades, I feel like I could vomit and I can’t breathe. I can’t calm myself down I want to scream and cry. Why is this still happening to me? How am I still allowing myself to react like this? FWIW if partner was here I’d have been fine, if I wasn’t vulnerable right now I’d have probably been fine. I’ve had therapy, but she seemed to think the issue lied with my ability to maintain relationships (I have amazing relationships and lots of friends that go back years plus new ones, I get on with my family etc)
I don’t even know why I’m posting I’m just arghhh.