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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anti-vaxxer friend

36 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 05/10/2019 21:17

A good friend of mine is due in about 4 weeks
For context she is an active member of a quite... extreme Christian church

She has been loudly going on of late about how she won’t be vaccinating her children. Citing two reasons, one of her sisters children was vaccinated and has dyslexia, a niece of hers wasn’t vaccinated and doesn’t have dyslexia.
Also got some bizarre “research” that one of the other members of her church sent.

I just want to give her a shake and tell her she’s being daft.
Would I be unreasonable to confront these beliefs and say even if it did cause dyslexia (which it fucking doesn’t) that surely that is better than measles?!?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 05/10/2019 21:20

What do you want to achieve?

If you want her to vaccinate her children then you could gently ask her if she’s open to discussing it and maybe considering a different perspective.

If you want to make yourself feel great by hectoring her then crack on - it won’t help anyone, will probably cement her views and damage your friendship but you’ll get to feel superior.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 05/10/2019 21:20

She sounds like a moron, I doubt it'd do any good.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 05/10/2019 21:23

LTB

Kittenbittenmitten · 05/10/2019 21:30

As long she respects your views, you should try to respect hers. Easier said than done, I know, especially when you feel strongly about an issue. If you both value your friendship, it's probably better to agree to disagree and not speak of the subject again. If she's vehemently anti-vaccination, you are unlikely to change her mind just as she's unlikely to change yours.

YeOldeTrout · 05/10/2019 21:41

Do you normally not mind her being overbearing?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/10/2019 21:45

she is an active member of a quite... extreme Christian church

So what on Earth makes you think you can get through to her about vaccinations? She exists on another planet.

Littlecaf · 05/10/2019 21:46

The thing is it’s not “respecting her views” is it? People who don’t vaccinate put others lives at risk. That’s the issue. It’s not true that dyslexia or autism or whatever is cause by vaccines. It’s not “a view” it’s FACT.

You can’t argue with stupid.

Sparklybanana · 05/10/2019 21:48

Just start telling her that anti vaccination movement is a conspiracy by Russia to ensure the wipe out of X church by making them believe that not vaccinating their children will prevent dyslexia and conjunctivitis before releasing a strain of measles that will kill 76% and turn the rest homosexual (just taking a punt here that that might be worse than death by measles for an extreme Christian!....). The recent strains of measles have been proven test runs by big pharma to make sure that it works. Your colleague’s, friend’s, aunt’s cousin son ended up with getting really ill with measles, ended up with a huge hospital bill but luckily survived with only losing one arm but now is weirdly dyslexic and also totally into makeup and glitter....

You can say anything to an anti vaxxer as long as it’s not science based and factual....

PurpleDaisies · 05/10/2019 21:48

You won’t change her mind. I’d just say you’re sorry she’s ignoring all proper scientific research and you’re not interested in hearing anything about the rubbish she’d been sent.

Windydaysuponus · 05/10/2019 21:51

Maybe when she sees /holds her baby she will realise she will do whatever it takes to protect it irl. Not fantasy church life.

donquixotedelamancha · 05/10/2019 21:54

Would I be unreasonable to confront these beliefs

I think you would be unreasonable not to. It probably won't work but you should try. As PP suggests, irrational people will be very defensive. Gentleness, generosity and cold logic is the best bet.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 05/10/2019 21:56

There has been an outbreak of measles near to where I live, in the town where I work, the main outbreak is at a day centre for very unwell and vulnerable adults with severe additional needs, I'd assume that some in this very vulnerable group are those herd immunity is supposed to protect. There was a woman from an extreme church preaching about the dangers of vaccinations a few weeks ago in the same town centre. It makes me so angry. I now won't take DS into that town (our nearest proper town) he's not old enough to have his MMR yet.

Harriett123 · 05/10/2019 21:56

My mother is an avid anti vaxer and I am a biomedical scientist needless to say we do not see eye to eye on this topic.
We've learnt to just not talk about it because it has turned into a screaming match in the past as much as I try to stay calm and rational.
Overall we get on so we choose to not to discuss vaccinations. I guess with your friend you need to decide if you are unable to change her mind on vaccines are you happy to lose the relationship.

orangejuicer · 05/10/2019 21:58

Bye bye friend.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/10/2019 21:58

Tell her the ant vax fad is over. It’s no longer trendy. Like hinching and saying yolo.

MulticolourMophead · 05/10/2019 21:58

My dad wasn't vaccinated as a child, and he's dyslexic. She's a moron, risking others as well as her child.

Bellringer · 05/10/2019 21:59

I'm reasonably sceptical about what doctors advise and sympathetic to aspects of challenging medical wisdom but this is mad
Dyslexia often runs in families, nothing to do with vaccine, definately.
There are reasons to think about vaccines, probably support groups but it should be an informed choice

meditrina · 05/10/2019 21:59

JWs eschew all medicine, but as there are so few of them, there not that relevant to the herd, and at least they are consistent (reject all medicine, not just vaccinations)

Does your friend reject all medicine? Is she susceptible to other conspiracy theories?

Pointing out the Russian troll angle (without quite all of the embellishments sparklybanana suggests) might be worth it, in a tone that suggests you are sorry and surprised she has been duped

mumwon · 05/10/2019 22:01

I sent in the New Zealand article where mums to be contracted measles & lost their babies - the article also noted that something like 1 out of ten dc who contracted measles landed up in hospital very sick - why in gods name id these people think my generation who contracted these diseases & saw the side effects they caused wanted their dc to be vaccinated??? But - hey - praying over dc will definitely stop measles, mumps rubella polio diphtheria meningitis flu etc etc etc

Sunshinelollipops1 · 05/10/2019 22:01

Is she a Christian Scientist? Not sure of any other sect in U.K. that is against vaccination. If yes, there’s nothing you can do. Christian scientists don’t believe in medicine and/or vaccines and instead believe in prayer.

If her views were based on bad science you could try to talk to her, but there’s not much you can do if they are routed in faith.

As others say once she holds her baby she may feel different and you can just hope that’s the case.

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/10/2019 22:03

What a load of bollocks, having vaccinations dont give you dyslexia, doesnt give you autism either. What planet are they on.

Sunshinelollipops1 · 05/10/2019 22:05

@meditrina that’s not true about JW. They use to have a policy against vaccination but that was revoked in the 50s. They don’t have an issue with medicine either. Their prohibition is on blood products.

The blood products isn’t such an issue with children, because the hospital can get a court order to do transfusions if needed. Unfortunately, they can’t do the same with vaccines.

IggyAce · 05/10/2019 22:05

She like all anti vaxxers are a special kind of stupid, I wouldn’t waste my breath trying to reason with her. Just hope that her innocent child doesn’t die or become disabled due to a preventable disease.

meditrina · 05/10/2019 22:06

Thank you!

PixieDustt · 05/10/2019 22:06

What a moron!
It does not cause dyslexia 🤦🏻‍♀️.
Baffles me that someone would much rather their child to have a seriously deadly disease than dyslexia..