AIBU to feel fed about about money this evening?

[UndertheCedartree]

Background: I'm unwell at the moment so not able to work and it will be like this for the forseeable future. I am on benefits but not getting the full amount I should get so therefore money is very, very tight.

My DD has yet another birthday party tomorrow. I only find out about it on Thurs and not been able to go into town so just had to get something from the corner shop. I could only afford £3 so just got 3 bags of sweets/chocolates. Despite the fact I know none of the mums/kids will look down on it - I still feel guilty getting such a cheap present as at my DDs party much, much more than that was spent on all her presents (her school is in an affluent area). I just feel fed up as I'd love to let my DD choose a lovely present rather than having to always get the cheapest option. On top of that I also feel guilty that I was only able to buy a cheap packet of biscuits for my children as snacks for today and tomorrow. My eldest is 12 and has quite a big appetite now and I'm struggling to afford enough food for him. I just feel incredibly down and hopeless about everything right now

I like that idea littlechocola. Sweets will be a great present. I'm not surprised you're fed up though, it's hard living hand to mouth and being somewhere that others are affluent can feel like a slap in the face when you can't keep up.

Without knowing all your details it's hard to know what to suggest but if your children are open to children's services then get your adult sw to mither them for s.17 child in need money if you don't have the money to feed them (they can make this a regular payment while your benefits are sorted and may help sort your benefits).

I also don't know who feeds your kids Sunday-Thursday but if they eat really well on those days I don't think it's so bad if they have fewer treats at a weekend. It's not like they'll be starving so try not to beat yourself up about it.

How many meals do you need out of the £20-30 and for how many?

Dahl is cheap
Stews with whatever veg is on offer
Jacket potatoes
Pasta with mackerel in tomato sauce
Porridge oats
Egg fried rice with any bits you have lying around to add in
Raisins
Flapjacks (can be made cheaply or bought cheaply if own brand and filling)
Homemade soup

You poor thing. It sounds grim and hard. Don’t worry about the sweets in the slightest, it really doesn’t matter. Am I right in thinking that you are in hospital now but out on Sunday evening when you have £20-£30 for dinners until Friday? Where will you shop?

You poor thing - I hope your benefits can be sorted out soon. I don't know anything about UC but could your MP help? It is shitty being skint. I do think your DDs friend will love her chocolatey gift though, I would also love this as a parent as yummy and not adding to piles of stuff/plastic in the house. I really empathise as my DD went to a party recently where I realised that the party bags would have cost a lot more than I spent on a gift (just a book from Amazon).

Do you have a Lidl / Aldi nearby and are you even in a position to go out to shops with your health condition? I am trying to think of a supermarket which has a lower minimum delivery spend.

Iceland has a £25 minimum delivery spend and can be done in store or online. Can get loads in there for £25 and always have good offers on.

@dianat1969 - I think he'd love a job but not sure what kind of work is possible for a 12 year old?

@vaggiemight - the social worker and advocate are used to helping with benefits. It's not been a case of challenging decisions just simply getting through all the bureaucracy. For example when I first tried to apply for benefits I was in hospital with no access to a computer. More recently I have been trying to get the help with the interest on my mortgage sorted. I started asking about this 18 months ago by regular telephone calls and notes on my journal. For example I would ask how do I apply for help with my mortgage and get the reply 'you should be able to get help with this' but no further information. On the phone I would be told they would pass it on to my case manager who would contact me but of course they never did. At the moment I've got as far as being told someone needs to ring me to speak to me before forms can be sent. I have to tell them a day and time to phone. Hoping it will be 4th time lucky on Monday. I usually have an hour a week help with my benefits. Could a benefits advisor offer more than that and how would I contact them?

Thank you for all the recipe ideas

Do you know what one of the nicest presents I've read about was, and I'm trying to copy it with DD.

A photo of your child and the birthday child. Few pence to print, can pop it onto card. Thoughtful, personal and lasting.

I would never judge you for the gift you have got. True friends wouldn't.

Sorry to hear things are so hard. Survey sites are a great way of building up vouchers for party presents

Aw op. I’m sorry.
I’m not great at practical advice but I can tell you that it was my sons 5th birthday party today and out of the mountain of presents he got given he got most excited about a chocolate paw patrol lolly tucked into one of his cards.

@vaggiemight - my social worker and advocate I would say know more than my next door neighbour as it is their job to help us with our benefits (amongst many other things) and therefore they're dealing with them day in day out but I take your point. I will look into it. I do often get turned down for any help as I'm in hospital, though. I have looked into the help with the mortgage and while a loan isn't great I haven't really got any other choice - I really need some help with my mortgage as I'm getting really behind with it.

Is the work capability assessment where you see someone face to face about your health problems? If so they decided I didn't need to see anyone as I was in hospital (probably mainly because they would have had to travel to see me in hospital). I have just completed the paperwork for PIP and I'm hoping I will get it. Although it won't be paid while I'm in hospital apparently there is something called 'boarders fee' that you can get while on home leave and any little bit of money would help so much. I think I've tried Turn to us - I try as much as I can to try and find help/grants etc but usually get turned down because I don't fit the narrow criteria or because of being in hospital for various reasons. I've been trying to get help with a washing machine as mine has broken but to no avail. I find all the constant phone calls so exhausting and it has definitely impacted on my recovery alongside the nightmare of children's services.

Contact fightback on FB........they do charge a very small fee when you win (( £50 or something )) but their success rate is amazing. They also do all the work for you and will attend court if needed