To consider being a surrogate?

[FabledBunny]

I have 2 children of my own, had good pregnancies and no complications during either birth. I just have an overwhelming feeling of wanting to do this.

Am i crazy to consider doing it? No-one has asked me to do it, its just been a thought in my head that will not go away??

I think being a surrogate is a wonderful gift to give someone.

I, however, could never do it. I just could not give away a baby I was carrying, as I would love him/her from the beginning and when he/she was born I just absolutely know there is no way I could say goodbye. I'd also always wonder about them, are they ok etc... And I'd want to hug them every day but wouldn't be able to.

I don't know. It's your choice. If you feel you can, then you probably can. I couldn't.

I think it’s a wonderful thing to do but I know I just couldn’t give a baby I’d carried away, I just couldn’t.

I can completely see why a woman would do it and knowing you’d given a childless woman the baby she craved must be a great feeling.

However pregnancy isn’t without risks and you do have 2 dc to consider how would they feel about mum being pregnant but the baby going to someone else? That could impact a child

Do you have a dh? What’s his stand on this

What if the baby you gave away ended up with shit parents? It could happen

I think it's an amazing selfless thing you are considering. Not something I think I could do myself for strangers but would definitely do it for family.

Like other poster says though, you have to consider how your partner and your kids feel / are impacted.

Good luck if you decide to go ahead.

What if pregnancy causes you significant health problems? What if you're unable to look after your existing DC? What if you suffer birth injuries? And what if the baby is born with serious problems and the would-be parents decide they no longer want to go ahead? Or if during the pregnancy you slowly realize you are very unhappy with the couple?

Surrogacy can sound like such a lovely thing to do until things go wrong. And then it's a very different picture. There's a lot to consider.

Make sure you look into everything if you do decide. It is a fabulous gift to do for someone else. But it takes a certain kind of person to do it. I know a lady who did it twice and she was incredible.

Also remember that if the egg is donated it will be a much higher risk pregnancy than the two that you have had already.

What is missing from your life that makes you want to do this?
What about your other children?
I think it’s ridiculous but I’m pretty anti surrogacy anyway

I couldn’t do this how can you be sure you won’t feel attached to the baby?

I couldn't do it. But if you know you can, that's great.

Do you think doing this would have any benefit for your own dc? Risking your health, tiredness and exhaustion, potentially confusing them in the process? Sorry, it's a huge no from me.

I bounced back after baby 1 and baby 2. Baby 3 gave me diastasis recti, a third degree tear and ongoing health issues that will probably never resolve. I will probably never run again. I am sad and frustrated by it, and feel very fat and unfit.

Is it that you want to do it because you loved being pregnant? Because I did and I can’t wait to be pregnant again, but if you have decided you aren’t having any more children of your own, and no one has asked you to be a surrogate, I would wait for the opportunity to arise, but don’t do it for someone you don’t know, because I can’t imagine something worse than not being able to see that baby grow up because you did a wonderful thing for a stranger.

I'd feel pretty sorry for the newborn, tbh. All he or she will want after birth will be the familiarity of you.

I’d also wonder about attachment issues, both baby and me.

It’s moot for me though as I have terrible high-risk pregnancies and was advised not to have anymore.

I think surrogacy started off as a noble thing, and now it's dangerous to women. We are not wombs for rent. I wouldn't do it. I've heard horror stories. It creates demand and women in less fortunate situations than you can be forced into surrogacy etc. I just can't formulate how bad an idea it is. I'm sorry. Your heart is in the right place though.

I think there are justified concerns about women's rights however I think, as an altruistic thing with no financial reasons it's great. I would also do it (I've had five and don't worry about not being able to hand over the baby).
I would also have a surrogate were I to want more and this is possible as I can't and my partner wants one. Good for you!

The correct way to deal with intractable infertility (coupled with an unwillingness or ineligibility to adopt) is to accept that you don’t get to be a parent. With therapy, if needed. Foisting the physical and emotional risk of pregnancy on to someone else is massively, sickeningly selfish and entitled.

I don't know, FabledBunny. Carrying a baby for nine months is a big thing for anyone, never mind someone who will be handing the child over not long after giving birth. Also how would you explain your pregnancy to friends and family - your children even. What does your husband think?

The chances are you would be fit and healthy but you can't be sure, people do have bad health problems with a pregnancy even if they've had an easy time before.

I'm sure you won't rush into anything, there is a lot to consider. If you do decide to go ahead, make sure everything is above board and that you are paid good expenses; you know you cannot actually be paid for being a surrogate and aren't looking for payment but you're entitled to something. After all you'll be doing a job in a way.

Please let us know how you are getting on.

This is a very strange thing to suddenly decide you want to do.

Following with interest. My older sister was very ill throughout her childhood / teenage years - several major surgeries always with warnings that it could affect her ability to get pregnant / carry a baby. Fast forward 20 years after her last surgery and she and her dh have been trying to conceive for several years (married almost 4 years but I don't think they started trying straight away). They are seeing a consultant with a view to starting fertility treatment but it has always been on the back of my head that if she cannot conceive I might offer to be a surrogate. She is 35 and dh is 39. Now having a ds of my own I feel stronger about this as I want her to experience being a mum. It would be a few years off and my dp is supportive although i haven't mentioned it to my sister as I want her to exhaust all possible avenues for carrying a baby of her own. I'm not 100% though as I can imagine it would be very very difficult!

I’m currently a surrogate.... 10 weeks left.... it’s not easy it throws up emotions you didn’t realise existed.... that said I’m glad I’m doing it but it’s come at a price in my own personal life.... pm me if you have any questions OP

If it’s what you want and you think you can handle it but pregnancy with two children is very different to first pregnancy and second pregnancy. Make sure you’re ready for the tiredness ect with two kids! But if you go in with your eyes open- why not!

I would never do it unless it was for someone very very special to me (and they paid me one million dollars) 😇