To think that entitlement to other people’s money brings out the worst in people?

[AlternativePerspective]

Time after time after time on here I’ve read posts from people saying that it’s not fair how their parents have made their will. How they’re upset at the will even though the parent isn’t dead yet and how the parents should change the will so as to not upset people.

Everything from being upset that more money has been given to one to not enough being given to another to some person not being deserving because they have more already so dividing the will equally and on and on and on.

I often wonder why A, people feel that it’s their right to discuss someone’s will with them prior to their actual death, and B, why anyone feels they should have any kind of say in how someone else’s money is divided?

I have no idea what is in my parents’ will and neither do I want to know. Personally I hope they spend it all before they’re gone, but if not I absolutely don’t see how I should feel entitled to any of it.

And if a child of mine tried to tell me how I should make out my will I’d disinherit them and leave the lot to the cats’ home.....

I’m one of two. I have DCs, my DB doesn’t. My parents have told us that we will both have equal shares. It’s been discussed, neither of us cares if they spend it all in themselves.

DH’s parents split and remarried. MIL has never discussed wills, but his half DB assumes my DH won’t get left a share of the house and he will inherit outright.

As DH and MIL have never talked, it rankles and he has no idea if his DB is favouratised. I think being honest helps a lot.

Whilst I respect a persons’ right to leave their money to whomsoever they wish, I do think siblings should be treated the same in most cases.

That said, my father has always made it clear that he’s leaving me nothing as it will all go to the children from his second marriage. I find this incredibly hurtful but it’s his choice. I hope (and have been led to believe) that he would leave something for my son, his only (at the moment anyway) grandchild as a token gesture if nothing else.

My mother walked out when I was 6 and we are now NC due to lots of issues and I hope she leaves her money to a cats’ home as I want nothing from her at all!

Yep.

My wealthy DB has thrown his toys out of the playpen because my DM would like to invest in a joint property with me and my family following my DF's death. She is lonely and would like to know someone is close by and will care for her.

My DB has already inherited a proportion of the property where my DM currently lives and will receive that when she moves in with me.

My DM wants to put a lump sum into a property in my name so that I won't have to sell on her death. Whatever else she owns will be divided equally in her will.

DB has always been the golden child up to now. He is livid and thinks he can tell DM what to do with her money now because it is 'his inheritance'.

I've told DM that if she wants to spend the lot on cruises and good living, she should because it's her money while she's alive. However, that's easy for me to say because I'm the one she's essentially gifting a chunk of money to so she can live in an annexe in our home.

My mum chose to discuss it with us. She also asked each of us if there were any particular items we wanted so we wrote a list. Not as a grab list but a record.

Likewise we have had some discussions with our kids. Other areas we consider more private and wouldn't discuss with them. Wills isn't one of them for us.

I will be left a funeral bill when my DM dies and even I can see how awful and unfair it would be to not think about your children that you are leaving behind in terms of inheritance. It's not grabby at all.

Myself and sibling were left nothing when my father died. Everything went to his second family. My parents divorced when I was a child but we always maintained a relationship with him. What hurt more was when we went to his funeral we meet people who had known him for years and they had no idea we existed.

It is so very painful and hurtful when you are not the favourite and you know it. It affects everything, not being as worthy as another.

It soaks into every area of your life, absorbed into your very being and the lack of confidence and self hatred lasts a life time. To top it off with an unequal inheritance adds insult to injury.

Only Golden children can say that it doesn’t matter who gets what. As long as they benefit. As they have always done,as is their right.

Someone in my family manipulated not only the main guardians into leaving a disproportionate amount to their branch of the family but also childless siblings.Fucking disgraceful.

OP it’s not about entitlement. (Actually I get with some people it is), but the sibling thing is real.

If my parents left all their money to a cat home or spent it all. That’s their right and if it makes them happy I’m glad they did it.

If they give it only to my siblings and cut me out I would be so hurt. I still would think they had the right to do it, but it would be hurtful, particularly if my siblings then acted as if that was fair. There is no way I would accept it the other way round without making it right.

Time after time after time on here I’ve read posts from people saying that it’s not fair how their parents have made their will.

Really? Can you post some links? I haven’t seen any of these threads and I spend a lot of time here.

Am glad I only have one child so all goes to her - have a will stipulating this just so it’s clear . In the event DP not her dad survives me then he can remain in the house .

Wills feel like an expression of love. If your sibling gets double what you do then it feels as though they loved her twice as much as they loved you. Pretty simple to figure out if you think about it for more than 5 seconds.

I agree with you OP. It's mortifying to read on here sometimes.

Tbh I assume that the people claiming the high moral ground are perversely the ones who have spent their adulthood leeching off their aging parents and have manipulated or emotionally blackmailed those parents into changing their wills to favour them over a sibling who has taken responsibility and not asked for constant payments, huge expensive or long running favours, loans which aren't really going to be paid back etc.

I suppose people who have manipulated their parents in order to benefit from them financially are mortified when called out, but brazen it out claiming it's fair because it's what their parents wanted.

Things get even worse when the will is unclear though - my DH's great grandmother gave his aunt a plot of land and substantial sum of money as a young woman on the understanding that it was her inheritance in advance, but didn't write a will - obviously when the grandmother died the aunt brazened it out claiming that the house, which was what was left to inherit, was half hers...