AIBU

[Iamnotagoddess]

Stepping into lions den here as posting as step parent.

My children are grown up so I have experience of teenagers.

DSDs are 12 and 14 and tbf we struggle to find stuff to do with them when they are here (other than being in phones - which obviously I accept they want to do but I feel it’s a waste of time coming to spend time with their dad if that’s all they do).

One of them likes bike rides the other hates bike rides and one of them likes swimming and the other hates it.

Suggested going to local water park last night (to go today) neither of them want to go. It will cost £50 to get in and we have to buy them both a swimming costume as theirs here are now too small for them.

We took them bowling a few weeks ago and one of them enjoyed it and the other day there looking very unhappy and refused to throw the ball properly (they said they wanted to go).

I have said to DH that I am happy to go to the water park but not if they are going to be sour faced about it as it’s a really expensive day out for reluctant participants.

He’s got shitty with me saying “you just don’t want to go” I have told him 10 times I will go but not if they don’t want to as it’s an absolute waste of money.

I accept once there they may cheer up but seriously AIBU, or is he being a Disney dad?

Why are we forcing “fun” on them?

I wasn’t the OW also - if that helps

get them to suggest activities - no suggestions, no activities.

Thing is they want to do different things and I could take one off and DH the other but if kind of defeats the whole point of them being here. They have s bedroom here and they read a lot (we have loads of books) but they never want to go out for a walk themselves they just want to be on their phones.

Seems a waste of them travelling here just to be on Instagram.

I could take one off and DH the other but if kind of defeats the whole point of them being here.

It really doesn't. They'll each get one-on-one time with their dad, doing things they want. I really think that doing organised fun with all four of you is only going to get more and more unrealistic as they get older. They need normal family life - doing homework, helping with chores, being allowed to hang out doing not much at all. That's not a waste. That's life.

They might want to spend time alone with their dad. I know I did when I was a teen step child.

I almost feel like you're trying to be TOO fun? The girls visiting their dad should just be a normal thing, not going to water parks, bowling, great days out every weekend - that's not normal life.

What about eating out on one evening, somewhere you all like? That's good quality time - and even better if you have a no phones rule at the table. Or, grab a takeaway and choose a film to watch together. Again, no phones until the film's over.

For days out, maybe go to a park, for a walk, stop for tea and cake?

You don't have to go out and spend a load of money every weekend they're there. But also, I would suggest maybe asking them both to make a list of things they'd like to do (gently suggesting some less costly ideas too) and then seeing if things overlap, or if not, take it in turns for them to choose.

When I was a kid we spent a lot of time in places for little kids, for the benefit of my much younger brother. Did I walk round with a face on? No, because I'm not a brat. I don't know your DSDs so I don't know if this fits or not, but I absolutely cannot stand kids whose parents have made an effort to take them out who then just have a face on. It's rude, bratty and unfair.

Include them in your daily activities, take them shopping, get them to help with the house or the garden, and then do maybe one nice thing each weekend.

I'm not sure there's a huge deal you can do about teens wanting to be on their phones. I do insist no phones at the table, but other than that..

How often do you see them? Could you sit them down and explain that you understand that they like different things but could they come to a compromise. They take it in turns to pick the activity.

They do get time alone with him.

We do walks etc its just getting them out of the house that’s hard.

Don’t even go there with household chores