To think this is a dig?

[Headisspinningggg]

I am doing a certain prestigious (?) qualification at a big company. Went to a top 5 uni (not boasting, just context) but have recently failed my last couple of exams linked to this qualification. This happens.

A friend told me yesterday about their friend who is apparently doing the same qual. I’ve checked and it isn’t, it’s a bit easier and she went to a different uni and works at a very different company from mine, different lifestyle all round. Friend said “oh my friend is really clever, she’s passed all her exams first time so far”

Aibu to take this as a dig?! She knows my struggles and also having looked into it we are doing completely different things anyway!!

The best recipe for happiness I can think of is to not compare yourself to others. Just smile, nod and concentrate on doing what you want to do. It really doesn't matter what other people think, if you are happy with what you are doing and your own achievements.

Put the “friend” straight. I would

Could be. You seem to think you're better than her friend, I wonder if this comes across and she's getting fed up of it.

Generally I think people who take innocuous/ thoughtless comments as ‘digs’ are BU. So YABU imo.

Mostly, people aren’t sufficiently invested in you or your circs to bother making deliberate digs. It’s a lot more likely they’re just being unintentionally a bit oblivious or less than sensitive. It’s not worth getting offended by.

I really don’t think I’m better than the friend - I would never say this stuff in person. I’m just saying it for context and because it hurt me

I doubt it was a dig OP, probably just a slightly thoughtless comment. Remember that your recent exam results are much nearer the top of YOUR mind than your friend's mind! Also it's reasonable that she doesn't really understand the subtle difference between professional qualifications outside her own field.

Why are you checking up on someone you don't knows qualification to see if it is as 'prestigious' as yours. You don't need to use 'prestigious qualification' and 'top 5 uni' to form the context for your post. No one cares. Use professional qualification next time and you won't come across like you think you're better than this person. Which you clearly do (regardless of what you say) as you are checking up on them, the company they work for and their 'easier' qualification.

Your friend isn't having a dig. She's celebrating her friend achieving something and is clearly proud of that. Is no one else allowed to be clever because you are?

Get what you’re saying, I’m saying it because friend knows I’ve failed and I have other exams coming up and her first reaction was to say oh my friend has passed all their ones, she’s really clever.

Only saying the context bit probably out of jealousy! And to contextualise my own achievements. Probably bring unreasonable

Remember it was her friend op. Not her.

She is either having a dig, or is completely insensitive. Of course anyone would would be unimpressed by that comment. I imagine she feels a bit envious of your qualifications and career tragectory and is taking you down a peg or two.

I would emotionally step back a bit, but forgive this as a one off

I would definitely point out that it’s a different qualification. You just need to think of a way of doing it that doesn’t make you sound like a total prat.
‘Oh I hear those have got a higher pass rate usually, mine are a bit tougher, often takes people a few goes, worse luck for me!’

Ignore it, you are not the friend and the friend is not you - you'll all have different experiences, so what if they think she found them easy? She might have been burning the candle at both ends and letting it take over her life. You might not have done.

Dying to know what. Accountancy? MBA?

Are you doing ACA and the friend’s friend doing ACCA?!

Sounds a bit like a dig, but if friend is generally nice, give her the benefit of the doubt - we all speak clumsily sometimes.

I don't think your friend has done this deliberately and I don't think she understands the ins and outs of how hard certain qualifications are to obtain.

I also think that you need to forget about this. It wasn't meant as a slight to you. If you go out of your way to explain the differences it will make it look like you are trying to show that you're better than her friend - which even if you are is not a dignified thing to point out.

Try to put it behind you. I understand that you're hurt. I would be too. But there's nothing to be gained by pursuing this.

Do you really care? It's a friend of a friend, someone you don't even know.

Fwiw, I doubt it was a dig. People are generally quite self-absorbed, not many would keep tabs on exactly the sort of professional qualifications their friends are doing and compare.

Only you know the friend, and whether she is the sort to be passive aggressive. Ignorance & obliviousness is much more common than malice, so I would tend to give benefit of doubt.

I was thinking ACA/ACCA.

Tbh OP, just say they are not the same material but don't say yours is 'better' or anything like that.

Just remind her everyone has an off day but it's good her friend passed.

Insensitive of your friend but take the high ground.

Don’t tell people you failed them.

It definitely sounds like a dig to me. If you know your friend has failed an exam to then say ‘oh my other friend is so clever she’s passed all her exams’ is a dig at you.

I would point out it’s a slightly different qualification so she’s not really comparing like for like.

I dont understand how a qualification can be more "prestigious" than another?

But yeah i was thinking ACA/ACCA and if so more than likely friend doesnt know the difference so probably just proud of her friend

I agree with the last poster, don't tell anybody you failed them! You know you will get there, a few more goes, the point is you won't give up.

I used to trumpet my failures in case anybody thought I was getting too big for my boots. Anything I was massively proud of, like the belt-tightening, eye-watering amount of money I managed to save towards my house while I was on very little income, that I kept to myself. I guess because it ''just'' took common sense and discipline, not brains.

You'll get where you're going and hopefully you'll be happy when you arrive. I know it does rankle a bit though! When I got the job I'm in now, an acquaintance said to me ''oh, like mutual acquaintance and I thought, wow, is that how people are going to see this!? Put me in my place! Took all sense of achievement out of it and reduced it to just good luck.

If it's a one off, I'd ignore, but if she has form for bigging herself up/putting you down I'd either distance yourself from her or challenge it next time.

I dont understand how a qualification can be more "prestigious" than another?

Sometimes a qualification can be on the pathway to another qualification (eg CAA and FIA), in which case the second qualification is clearly more prestigious than the first.

I don't think that makes sense still. The second qualification is harder / more advanced etc but not prestigious.

If it were taught by a royal in a castle it may be considered prestigious.