To not want him involved

[loveflowers99]

My father is a bastard.

I'm expecting a child and I don't want him involved. I don't want them to experience the pain, heartache and general shit he has given me over the years.

I have a wonderful family on my mother's side and my partners family are incredible. My child will be loved and protected.

He was physically abusive to my mother, verbally and emotionally abusive to me and a compulsive liar. He has filled my life with empty promises. My mum gave me a chance growing up to make my own decision on him.

He never checked in with me during the first 3 months of pregnancy and when I brought this up he made me feel awful by saying ok fine I will call you every 3 days how about that rather than being apologetic and saying he will do better. He's now said he won't financially contribute to their life as he is saving for a house.

How would I tell him I do not want him involved or is it a case of block and goodbye?

I have to add his mother hasn't once messaged me or just generally made a conversation. His sister is ok and has checked in, understands what her brother is like but I fear she won't respect my privacy of my child's life and will share pictures and details to him. So it's not as simple as I would like the situation to be.

He sounds awful, the only bit I’m confused about is him not financially contributing to your baby- why would he need to?

Other than that, you’re under no obligation to have him in yours or your child’s life

@Stampy84 not fund their life but you know when family members buy bits and bobs for the baby like babygrows, maybe a toy or a voucher towards bits before their arrival. My mother, grandparents and his parents have all been supportive in making sure we have everything sorted for our unexpected little one and he's just gone "fuck you, not my problem".

Thank you for your reply.

You had me up untill you expect him to financially contribute to baby. Its not his baby it's yours so your the one responsible for raising him / her.
On the other side of that it is your baby so you are completely within your rights to exclude him from your childs life if you so wish.

If you want his financial contribution or gifts then you will have to put up with him
Personally I wouldn’t want anything from, him at all but it’s your decision , remember though you are making that decision for your child too and therefore exposing them to his crap behaviour as well.

I didn't read it as OP expecting anything from him, it's more that he's made a real point of saying there will be nothing.

Imagine if you had a friend who you wouldn't expect to get you a birthday present make a point of telling you they weren't going to get you a present because XYZ (in a spiteful way not an explanatory way). Except it's family.

That wasn't a very good explanation but I didn't read it how other people seem to have done!

@harriett123 I think I could have worded it better, I apologise. I don’t expect him to do anything considering he has never been there for me growing up but I had one glimmer of hope maybe he’d step up at some point but to explicitly say not to expect anything was just a bit shocking? Maybe it’s just me!

@Hoppinggreen you are absolutely right, I don’t crave him financially as if I am honest he’s not got a pot to piss. I think I crave the father-daughter relationship but I know I won’t get it.

@flipperdoda thank you for understanding my point from my awful explaining. I was venting and typing!

Ok I misinterpreted that.
Like I said your baby your choice who has what level of involvement.
Personally I have an almost absent father and also pregnant I cant see him playing any kind of role in his like but I'm sure both his grandmothers will be there for cuddle.
Just do what works for you and your new family

He isnt entitled to anything.

If you're going to take a hardline with him then you'll have to explain to him why you've made the decision. If anything it'll stop him pestering you for answers and maybe make him realise what his behaviour has been like.

Life is infinitely easier without toxic people in it.

Your time is yours and your baby's.

Don't give him any headspace. A father is someone who is a role model, someone who loves and cares and would protect you come what may.

This ass is abusive, emotionally absent and wouldn't give you the time of day without expecting something in return. Get rid!

He's an abuser. You don't need to explain anything to him.

You also don't need to keep giving him space in your life to let you down and hurt you.

You don't have to spend time justifying cutting an abuser out of your life. It's a wise thing to do.

The difference is you didn’t have a choice re your relationship as a child.
You’re an adult now, you can decide what happens in your relationships, he sounds toxic

Well it sounds like you have valid reason not to want him involved in your child's life. Perhaps minimise contact until you feel able to stop altogether.

OP, you owe him nothing.

The question is does he bring anything good to your life?

If not cut him out.

As other's have written, toxic people take your peace.

Remove them from you daily life and everything becomes infinitely calmer and better.

No brainer decision.
💐

He's one of those toxic, bad news people
just get rid 😊

Thank you everyone. I just wanted some reassurance I was doing the right thing.

I'm in my mid 20's and I feel like enough chances have been given.

You're all very lovely people