To not want to wait to try for a baby?

[Mumtobe241]

I am in my early 30s and intensely broody! My long term partner says he wants children one day, and we sometimes talk about our future family life. But he has just started an intense full-time three year vocational course, so we have agreed to wait until that's done and he is qualified until we TTC. I originally thought that was fine with me (three more years of freedom!) but recently I've been feeling more strongly like we should just go for it now. I am worried about leaving it too late if we want more than one child, and also that when he finishes his course, he'll be in the early stages of a new career - also not the best time for a screaming new born! I know there is 'no convenient time to have a baby' which is why I think we should try now, but he doesn't see why we shouldn't wait. He has to study and do vocational work and it's a notoriously tough conversion course. AIBU? I have been at my company for years so I don't think it would make much difference if I took maternity leave now or in a few years' time.

I think it’s rarely better to wait, once in one’s thirties. Since you know you both want children, go for it!

However, you’ve got to convince your DP first.

Do not wait. We started trying when I was 19/20yrs and didn't have DS until I was early 30's.

If you are early thirties it's probably best to crack on.

The problem is if you push him into now and then he’s not hands on with the child(ren)..... there’s sadly always so many posts of women complaining that their partners aren’t pulling their weight with the childcare / home.

You don't know how long it will take you. You might have multiple MC, you might find a genetic issue and have a TFMR. Just stop preventing and see what happens.

Another thing, I would transfer all contraceptive responsibility to him, with immediate effect. Tell him you are done pumping your body with artificial hormones so if he doesn't want a baby, he can do the legwork preventing it

I got pregnant at 33. I have 2 with a 2.5 year age gap...next year I will be 40 with a toddler (almost 3 though). And I got pregnant really quickly (instantly first time and about 2 months second time). So yeah although waiting 3 years doesnt sound too old, when you factor in time trying and time being pregnant and whatever age gap you want then the likelihood is you will have a toddler at 40. I do feel old and looking back wonder what we would have done if we had had fertility troubles.

On the other hand though having a baby is hard. Super hard. Are you prepared to do a lot of it yourself if he is studying? Do you have other support such as family nearby that can help? The times when you need most help imo are -
Practical help when they are newborn such as cleaning and cooking as s lot of babies dont want to be put down and like to nap on their mum

Help with sleep around 4 - 6 months whether that is someone doing a night feed for you or taking the baby a walk so you can nap. I found cumulative effects of bad sleep worst at this age.

Help when you go back to work. Someone to settle the baby into nursery and look after them at home when they pick up the first nursery bugs etc so you can settle back into work without worrying about it.

Someone to share nursery pick ups and drop offs as otherwise you spend your life clock watching and rushing everywhere

If you have help in the first few months eg from family then maybe you could compromise and aim to get pregnant at a time when you go back to work a couple months after his course is finished or something

Thanks for the helpful thoughts. We don't have close family nearby (they live a few hours away) and we've discussed how hard having a baby will be, which is why we decided to wait until DP is working again. But then quite often recently I have felt strong urges of 'let's just go for it, we'll make it work somehow'... Probably just hormones speaking but also not wise to leave it too late as previous posters have said!

It's up to the two of you of course, but if I was early 30s I definitely wouldn't want to wait for 3 years!