To move back in with DM

[Daeneris]

Name changed as don't want to be recognised and posting here for traffic, but it's more of a WWYD.

Background: I am a lone parent to dd 8. We live in a private rented flat. It's OK but it's all I can afford, there's no garden and I can't afford to save up to buy a home at the moment. I work FT Mon-Fri and get some tax credits as I'm on a low wage.

DM is getting a divorce (second marriage, he is not my father and we are not particularly close).

She has invited me and dd to live with her after the divorce. With the money she will get from the divorce she will be in a position to buy a 3 bedroom house.

On paper it makes sense financially - we would both be better off if we were sharing bills and living costs. DM and I get along well, and she adores dd and vice versa. She also works full time and works shifts including weekends (she's a nurse) so we would both get some "alone" time in the house.

Neither of us is looking for a relationship. I have no time as I'm focused on dd right now and DM says after 2 failed marriages she is never having one again!

I do have some reservations though, I do like my own space and moved out fairly young. But on the other hand it seems silly to keep paying rent if I could move in with DM and be better off financially, have a nice house with a garden for dd rather than a crappy second floor flat. And I will have no chance at buying my own home if I stay here because the rent is so high.

WWYD?

It sounds like a great idea and very doable with all the points raised by PP’s addresses and maybe even written down so you both know where you stand.

Different scenario OP but maybe this will help.

I was renting a private flat filled with my own things. I loved it. Then the greedy landlord put the rent up and I realised at 30 I was at a crossroad... So I sold all my stuff, cried a lot (I need my privacy just like you) moved into a house share and told myself I was going to buy my own place in 3 years. I would rather share for an uncomfortable 3 years and get on the ladder at the end of it than rent flats for the rest of my life.

Fast forward to today. I'm sat on my bed in my bedroom watching Friends in the little house I bought in June, two years and ten months after I left my flat. It has not been easy.

My advice? DO IT! Work out a budget, don't get tempted to spend the extra cash and instead see those savings get higher. Good luck x

I would set out a trial period (say 6 months) and also set some basic ground rules / expectations ( things like housework, meals, etc.) will you still be 'in charge' when it comes to your child and their needs, or will your mum do the odd packed lunch, take her to the park, discipline and so on?

I would ensure your DM can afford to live on her own in case something happens (one of you meets someone, you can’t live together). If that’s alright then Do it, but as others say you have to save money every month. Set up a DD. Maybe not as much as your current rent, but a good amount.

You may find as you get older you decide you do want to move out in which case you’ll have a healthy deposit.

My DH is Asian and he says it would be a no brainier in his community. Quite normal for generations to live together.

I absolutely wouldn't even consider it.

Really don't like your mum then @Icantthinkofanewname87 ?

My Nan bought a house with my DM when I was four. DM went to work and dNan was at home when we were ill, when we finished school. It was idyllic. But only if you don't want a new relationship, ever. DM didn't and so it was great for us. Just think it through...

I would do.it and equally would do this for a daughter in your situation. Extended families can be wonderful especially for children. Just go in to.it with some ground rules (for your mother aswell) and enjoy the benefits that it could bring.

I did it
My mother and I were extremely close but I hated every minute of it.
Not by mothers fault. It just made me feel like a teenager again. The day she asked me to turn the music down, I cried
You would need to be very clear about boundaries and agreements about things like:
What happens if she dies (do you have siblings. Would you inherit or find in yourself homeless)
Who is in charge of the children (I found this one particularly hard)
Discussions about private time and space.
Even if you get on well now, have those discussions at the start

I'd try it but talk about it first. How will you split bills, communal stuff like toilet roll and washing up liquid, will you cook together or separately, if there is only one tv who gets priority, what if one of you meets a partner, just general household rules. That should give you a good idea of if your ideas are similar and if its going to work

I'd do it. I think it's lovely that your DD will have both you and her GM there for her. I would put a bit a bit of the money you save by each month just incase it doesn't work out, so that you have money for a deposit on another place though.

To me this sounds lovely. I have always got on great with my mum and she’s one of my favourite people to talk to. I think in your financial situation given that your mum is also nice it’s very much worth a go.

Thanks for opinions everyone.

No siblings, I'm an only child. I'm the sole beneficiary in DM's will, although obviously if she needs care in the future it will go on that. She wouldn't ever see me destitute if she can help it. We were close growing up as it was just the 2 of us until she met her second husband (my dad is not in the picture).

I would definitely put away some money as I'd like to have a nest egg in the bank.

You're all right re having discussions beforehand and it is something we will do.