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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

8yo son to still wear night pants?

45 replies

Getonboard · 05/10/2019 07:04

My son still wears night pants, he sometimes wets them but not always. Two to three times.
I have tried to take them away but he gets anxious and it affects his sleep because he's worried about wetting the bed.
His dad says he's too big for them. I wet the bed sometimes at the same age, but I was heavily criticized for it and punished as if I could help it.
I don't make an issue of his night wetting,I don't say anything really I just say,don't worry about it.
He's a very heavy sleeper. Anyway is it unreasonable for him to wear pull ups still?

OP posts:

butterry · 05/10/2019 08:39

Give the wee alarm a go. It’s worked a miracle for us. It hooks onto underwear. The first few nights it went off 5 times a night, then twice a night by week 2, then she started getting up before the alarm for one of them by week 2/3. Now week 5 and we just have knickers on and she gets up by herself twice a night. Not a single accident for 2 weeks!

Winniefred · 05/10/2019 08:42

Uhm....night pants....sold the world over in supermarkets because the majority of kids who wet have zero issues thus don't need them supplied on the NHS. I wet when I was young, as did a number of cousins and friends no one made a fuss, stopped at puberty, both my girls wet, one autistic, never made it an issue, had their kidneys and bladder checked all good, and Dr said : intervention often leads to more stress, more wetting, we left it as the alternatives, alarm, drugs seemed as if it would set the girls up with the idea they had "issues", they both stopped by puberty, both girls are thriving and secure at 19 and 14yrs....it's not unnatural...some wet, some don't, unless there is medical issue, I think society makes way to big a deal of it, setting up stress issue rather than seeing it as normal for 15% of the WORLDs child population, that somehow has become an industry of interventions! Kids need sleep to process their world and grow 😁

AnnaFiveTowns · 05/10/2019 08:43

Does he drink tea? Or a lot of coke? My DD wet at night until she was about 11. She drinks about 4 cups of tea a day. As soon as we switched to decaff she stopped night wetting immediately.

LeDoThoil · 05/10/2019 08:43

Give the alarm a go. It's worth the disturbance. Wait till mid term maybe? Our DS was about that age when we tried it. I was amazed that it worked so well. He had a very occasional accident afterwards, and we needed a refresher after 6 months or so, but it really did work.

formerbabe · 05/10/2019 08:50

Boys take much longer to be dry at night. My ds still occasionally wet the bed at that age. He is also a heavy sleeper.

OliviaBenson · 05/10/2019 08:52

I don't get your logic about not getting the alarm so as not to wake him- he needs to wake up so that he can empty his bladder.

There is nothing wrong with pull ups but you do need to start trying to tackle this and not just wait it out. It's clearly upsetting for him.

purpleolive · 05/10/2019 08:55

My son was at 8 but we knew he'd be getting medical treatment that year. After 7 there is medication he can take, it can take years to sort out by itself if it hasn't by now, I would take him to your GP. I wouldn't just keep him in pull ups, or take them away.

purpleolive · 05/10/2019 08:57

@OliviaBenson an alarm is not always the appropriate method, depending on the issue the alarm can be quite distressing, we were explicitly told not to try an alarm, she needs to seek medical advice.

crochetandshit · 05/10/2019 09:02

Your husband isn't saying this to/in front of ds is he?

huskyvoice · 05/10/2019 09:04

I wouldn't say you're being U. Doing whatever works for all of you is the right thing to do, and this is what you think is best. However I would want to look at alternatives in your situation as I think 8 is an age where they start being invited on sleepovers and isn't too far off residential trips with some activities (eg cub camp), so I wouldn't want him to feel embarrassed or limited in being comfortable to join in if invited.

I'd begin to look more at him being anxious without them, and your belief that therefore the pull ups reduce that anxiety. I would suggest it isn't the pull up itself, it's the knowledge that he won't have 'wet the bed'. A bed mat / plastic sheet / layered bedding could be just as effective in not causing too much mess or disruption on the couple of nights he doesn't wake to wee, and would allow him to feel that sensation of beginning to urinate in his sleep, allow him to wake and hold on to get to the toilet more than a pull up would.

Penguincity · 05/10/2019 09:08

I would be led by your son if it is not impacting on his life, school trips, sleepovers, carry out, just be chirpy about it, chances are if you and his dad are cool with it, he will be. If he us upset maybe ask for a referral. My ds wet until 10,i didn't ask for a referral as don't believe in medicalising normal development. Encourage your son to drink more during the day and stay away from cola and blackcurrant juice.

stayathomer · 05/10/2019 09:47

I'm really sorry but I see your dps point, although taking them away does nothing. You definitely need to get him checked just in case, when my Des was 6 he was wetting the bed and we took him to be checked, it turned out it was an issue with his kidneys and he was put on medication. After a few weeks of it he was sorted but we were told to watch how much he drinks during the day and to come back if there were any more wets as he could be prone to it. We were so relieved as everyone was telling us to stop him drinking at a certain time etc and we knew that wasn't it. And people saying boys take longer etc. You start potty training at 3/4,4 or 5 years is too long to be leaving something. Also he is at the age where sleepovers/camps/ holidays might be impacted, I'm sure he'd be happier if it was solved

Namechangerextraordinaire1 · 05/10/2019 10:38

My dd was always wet at night in pull ups but we decided to take them away, it would have been just before she turned 6, and see how she was. Weirdly, once we stopped using them she was dry within a week

LentilHearted · 05/10/2019 10:41

My youngest DD wet the bed until she was 11, she didn't go on sleepovers because she was worried about doing it [because she always would do it when we slept away] but by age 11 it was over. I don't know anything about drugs to prevent it but I'd just keep him in the night time nappies until he's through it.

Namechangerextraordinaire1 · 05/10/2019 10:42

DD is now 10 but she has a friend who still uses a pull up at night. She has slept over at our house, so I guess she has slept over at others too. She mentioned it to my dd but not the other 2 girls who were there and as far as I know they were kone the wiser! However I can see why it could have caused embsrassment but the point is, it doesn't have to interfere with them going to sleepovers etc

Latersxx · 05/10/2019 10:51

My daughter started on Desmopressin at about that age, her body just wasn’t creating the hormone that stopped her from weeing when asleep. It made a massive difference, especially with sleepovers at friends, school trips overnight, and holidays. She took it until she was about 12. She was also on Oxybutinin, as struggled in the day time as well, leading to UTIs. No long term effects from the tablets, I think we made the right choice.
Might be worth getting a referral to the clinic, at least have a conversation with the consultant.
I wet the bed until I was about 12, and, if it were available, I wish I had been given the tablets .. as I felt so awful about it.

FuriousVexation · 05/10/2019 10:57

If it wasn't impacting his life then I'd say leave well alone, but if he's at the point of wanting to do sleepovers but too anxious, then it deserves some action.

A simple review of his liquid intake during the day sounds like it could be an easy win. Lots of mainly plain water, no caffeine, no carbonated drinks, nothing high in citric acid. And no overly salty foods either - I love Marmite on crumpets but you can bet I'll be needing a pee soon after!

to echo a PP, I hope your DH isn't saying this in front of DS or otherwise making him more anxious and self conscious? That will be utterly counter productive. Best approach IME is just to be completely practical and reassuring, e.g. if you're putting on an undersheet then just say "I'm putting on an undersheet so if you do have an accident then it's easily cleaned up."

I had an ex partner who still wet the bed in his 30s. While he was a child he had been publicly shamed by his parents, in front of school friends, family etc, for wetting his bed. It was a source of huge anxiety for him. I took the practical approach and bought some waterproof undersheets and just explained to him that they were going on and why, without judgement or disapproval. Prior to that he was wetting at least 3x per week, after that it went down to less than 1x month.

highheelsandbobblehats · 05/10/2019 11:02

My six year old is a wetter, but it only started after he started school. He was dry both day and night at 2.5 (his doing, not mine) so it was a bit of a shock to suddenly have wet beds. We didn't want to put him in nappies since he'd been out of them so long, so we dream wee him instead. Every night around 10pm, we lift him out of bed and point him at the loo. He generally does a huge wee, and that sees him through until morning. Some nights he goes before we get to him, bit we just roll with it if he does, it doesn't happen that often.
We think that he's so tired, that he just goes into such a deep sleep that he sleeps through his cues. But occasionally he will wake himself and go.
He's in year 2 now. I'm not worried. I'm I'm still dream weeing him at 15, we might have an issue. But I doubt we will.

DobbyLovesSocks · 05/10/2019 11:42

Might be worth getting DS checked for diabetes as this can cause bedwetting but generally bedwetting is due to a hormone/chemical not being produced in the brain. Nothing you can do about it until the brain starts producing it - well apart from medication but we didn't want this for our DS. We saw the doctor about DS' bedwetting and were told the following

What you should do:
-Layer up DS's bed with multiple sheets/waterproof sheets (we triple layered our DS's bed) and now he will take off the top layer if he has an accident and go back to sleep
-Ensure he drinks plenty through the day and rather than sipping from a bottle, try and ensure he gets full mouthfuls from a cup or glass
-Cut off drinks an hour or two before bed
-make sure he goes to the toilet before bed (we were advised for DS to go to the toilet before bedtime story and then again after to ensure bladder completely empty
-You can try 'dream wee' which is where when you go to bed you get DS out of bed and sit him on toilet. We did this with our DS for a few weeks and it helped a little
-When sheets/bedding is wet, get DS to help you put it in the washing machine etc apparently this has a positive psychological effect (?). Regardless, it means DS can help with the housework :)

What you mustn't do:
-Blame DS in any way. He cannot help it and if you make him feel guilty/ashamed you will destroy his self-esteem and confidence.

-Try not to use pull ups (unless away in a strange place etc) as he needs to recognise when his bladder is full - and when he starts weeing he will hopefully wake himself up. Our DS was/is a heavy sleeper so this was more miss than hit

DS is almost 9 now and we have very few wet nights now - it is what it is

Coffeeiloveyou1 · 05/10/2019 11:46

My son is a similar age and it was bothering him so went to see the GP and got a referral and spoke to someone who said it was very common.... Advice was;

Make sure they drink enough during the day 1000ml to 1400ml

The bladder capacity for your son's age should be 270ml, to check it, when they need the toilet get them to wee in a jug and measure it, if it is not around this may need to increase daily fluid intake.

Fluids to avoid are blackcurrant squash, fizzy or caffeine based drinks.

Try and get them to do two wees around bed time.

If it is impacting them negatively with regards sleepovers etc you can go to get prescription with regards desmopressen (sp?) as mentioned.

When I did go though they did check urine sample as well.

But it is really common and they said he will eventually grow out of it.

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