My baby has been missed out

[pinkelephantsanddietcoke]

AIBU? DH grandad died this week. Just seen the script for the funeral, it's ok... But mentions all the great grandchildren apart from our son who died aged 8 weeks.

AIBU to be a bit sad ? My other two children are mentioned, even my eldest who's 16 and a step great grand child really!

Everyone forgets about by boy x

My Grandad died last week, I couldn't get to the funeral as I live on the other side of the world at the moment. My uncle just sent through the obituary that has gone into their local paper. All the great grandchildren have been named apart from my stillborn daughter. I'm so use to it now that I've become numb to it. It's shit.
Not helpful I know but just sending you some understanding

So sorry for your loss - definitely ask your DH to have it included.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

In Ireland, the funeral announcement mentions that the deceased will be remembered by/survived by/missed by...(a list of relatives who are still alive). You don't include other dead people. Is that the case here?

I'm sorry, rereading my post, saying "dead people" is really insensitive. I mean our other loved ones who are no longer with us.

It is not usual to pass round a fairly standard script before a funeral. They are probably doing so because they are indirectly asking you if this is okay or your other child should be included. They won't have forgotten them.
In that generation deaths of children are rarely mentioned. The belief was talking about these children upset the parents more. I know that is wrong, but it does come from a good place. Just ask your DH to say - can you include our other son please?

I made one of those scrabble board gifts with the names of my mums grandchildren on. I left out the name of her first granddaughter (my niece) who was stillborn at full term as I thought it would upset her. When I gave it to her, it's the first thing she noticed, so I took the gift back and added my niece on. Your family probably didn't know what to do for the best, speak with them and asked it to be changed. I'm sure it's just one of those not knowing things 💐

Oh OP, I love this with you. Our only daughter died when she was four days old and people still, eleven years on, don't know how to deal with it. I promise you, he won't have been forgotten, it's just that people are very odd. He may have been left out so as not to upset you, because people who have not suffered that sort of loss don't realise that it's more upsetting when people try to airbrush out something they feel uncomfortable talking about. It honestly does come from a caring place, it just doesn't feel that way. Ask your husband to intervene for it to be amended. I'm sorry for both of your losses.

*live

My MIL was at our house when the funeral 'script' (not sure what else to call it) was emailed to her, so she showed us. Otherwise we wouldn't have read/heard it until the funeral next week.
My DH has now asked why our DS wasn't mentioned and she was very apologetic and said she just didn't think. She immediately text here sister who also said she hadn't thought so it looks like he'll be added to the list of great grandchildren.

It's just a wee bit sad that he doesn't get thought about but as PP said 'out of sight, out of mind' ☹️

So much to organise and think about when sorting out a funeral, and unlike other events, you only have a week or so to organise it. I just think it was a genuine oversight on their behalf and they would be truly mortified when they find out. Obviously you/DP just need to quietly and discreetly mention it to them and I’m sure it will be corrected with a heartfelt apology.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Looks like he will be added. I think they weren't just thinking straight, because of the sadness they are experiencing. I don't think it's nothing like out of site, out of mind.

Op

Oh you poor poor thing. Good that you pointed it out.

I think it's one of those things where people are numb with grief, and they either couldn't properly think, or didn't know if it was something you would like to be mentioned at a funeral in front of a large group?

My dad agonised for days and nights over his dads funeral scripts and in the end left it to the priest because he was on the verge of a breakdown. My youngest child was missed out in the great Grancchildren.

I'm sorry for your loss x

Ah, I’m sorry that happened. I know it wasn’t deliberate but it’s still shit. I’m glad it’s being sorted now.

I would speak up OP. My mum always tells everyone she has x amount of grandchildren and that number doesn't include my DD who died. It really hurts, I get it

I'm sorry it happened I'm glad it seems sorted

what @lljkk said

I'm so sorry. My DH's auntie who was stillborn was mentioned at his Gran's funeral with their living children. I hope you can get it sorted so your son is included.

Glad it's sorted op. At my mum and dads funerals, it was worded something like " x enjoyed spending time with their 10 grandchildren, bob, joe, lucy, etc etc. So it would be appropriate to mention everyone. Also included step grandchildren etc.

It appears to be sorted now.

One thing though, please don't think it's a case of "out of sight out of mind" that really isn't necessarily true. I know they said they didn't think but that might not be the case.

I was involved in helping someone with one of these years ago before she died and we spent hours (literally) going back and forth as to include her granddaughter who had died recently because she was too worried about upsetting her daughter more by asking what was best to do. In the end her granddaughter wasn't included. I got the full wrath from her daughter and other family for it and for doing the script (she said everyone else refused!). But in the end I was able to explain what had happened. So i doubt it's a case of "out of sight out of mind" more a case of wanting to protect you from more grief (albeit they've actually ended up adding more unintentionally).

Grief is something people find exceptionally hard to cope with in others and themselves.

I'm sorry OP, I hope they amend it for you.