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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Latest proof that I’m failing at life.

66 replies

biggirlknickers · 04/10/2019 21:36

Pathetic whinge alert.

I moved house almost 2 years ago.

Today I discovered that I never told the DVLA my new address.

I have a driving in the bus lane PCN from 4 months ago that I’ve only just found out about. The fine has doubled in size and they are about to send in bailiffs. All because I didn’t change my stupid address. And because apparently I drove in a bus lane which I certainly don’t remember and would be out of character (but I guess I must have done it 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I can’t afford this fine and I feel really stupid.

To get to my mid forties, have a responsible job and children who rely on me, yet do something stupid like that.

I can’t imagine anyone in my perfect family doing this. Proving to myself how useless I really am.

Tell me your latest proof that you’re failing at life and make me feel less alone in my stupidity please.

OP posts:

MajesticWhine · 04/10/2019 22:30

That is very easily done, there are so many people to inform change of address. Don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe see if you can pay in installments?

Arborea · 04/10/2019 22:31

@Jayaywhynot that really sucks - sorry to hear this is happening to you

OP, I've done something really similar. I'm also mid forties and wonder when/if I'm ever going to be a proper grown up, am far too scatty still!

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/10/2019 22:35

I forgot to tell tax credits that I wasn't paying for childcare anymore, which meant I was overpaid for the best part of a year, which means I know have to pay it back. Kicking myself as I am normally really on top of this stuff and have a fear of messing up tax credits but I still managed to do it!
Stuff slips through... it's not the end of tje world!

LokiCat · 04/10/2019 22:41

I did the exact same thing two years ago. Changed my drivers license address but not the address as registered keeper on my car. Got a Dartford crossing charge that racked up to £300.
It had got to the point with the bailiffs!
I called up the number on the letter and they told me to send in what happened with any proof I could attach. It was thankfully approved and got brought down to £5 (the return charge for Dartford crossing)!

Speak to the customer services number on the letter. They might bring the penalty down if you explain what happened, especially if it's your first time.

saraclara · 04/10/2019 22:41

I drove without an MOT for six months. And I had no home insurance for a full year.

There's more (though slightly less bad) where those came from.

delorisvancartier · 04/10/2019 22:44

Life admin is horrendous. Car MOT & insurance have recently caught me out. I was driving without either & honestly didn't realise. Luckily I wasn't caught & rectified as soon as I realised. Don't beat yourself up about it, life is busy it happens. Doesn't mean you are a failure at all.

exWifebeginsAgainat46 · 04/10/2019 22:48

wait, do you have to change the address on your V5 if you move? i’ve done my driving license but didn’t know about this...

AJPTaylor · 04/10/2019 22:48

I once spent a day sifting all our paperwork. I must have thrown out the "keep" pile and kept the "chuck" pile. This was in the days when you had to go to the post office to renew your car tax. The govt had reissued everyone's log books that year due to some fraud. I had the old ones but not the new ones. Had 2 cars that needed to be taxed at the same time. The only solution was to get a friend to drive me to the regional dvla place in Northampton. It was miles and we went in our lunch hour cos we both had kids etc. Except when we got there it was boarded up. It had closed and moved in the few weeks since she had been there! Found it and joined the queue. Our lunch hour was about 3 hours long.

Onehellofaride · 04/10/2019 22:50

I forgot to change mine, thought I had done it. Woke up one morning to DH shouting me that my car was being clamped outside the house! Ended up paying them £500 in cash that day. Took DH months to forgive me! I try and be more careful now but live in fear something will slip through the net!

NightOwl27 · 04/10/2019 22:50

My accountant rang me yesterday to tell me I'm getting audited by the taxman. I was just feeling proud of getting my life together in recent years, but the audit is for 2015-2017 where I was just setting up my business and things were chaotic to say the least. I need to submit every single bank statement and receipt from those three years, and I spent a good part of yesterday digging futilely through piles of old papers crying at the pathetic failure I was 5 years ago for not being able to stay organised. Made me hate myself when I just thought I was good at being "grown up". Have no idea what the result of the audit will be. I never evaded tax but have a type of executive function disorder that makes it very difficult to stay on top of admin. I think I'm going to get punished for not being to keep my life together :(. The worst part is I have a super organised DH who used to badger me all the time about my bookkeeping. He won't admit it but I feel he's secretly gloating at the fact I'm getting audited since it proves he was right all along.

Justaboy · 04/10/2019 22:59

Well you wrote to them on old fashioned snail mail and if they have lost the letter;?.

How did you know?.

Runbitchrun · 04/10/2019 23:06

I have done this, only it took the bailiffs coming out and the fine going up to over £300 for me to realise my mistake.

I sorted my licence and then appealed the original fine on the basis I never received the penalty notice. They accepted that and reissued it, so I just had to pay the original fine.

Grandmi · 04/10/2019 23:28

Please don’t stress . I had a paper licence until about 2 years ago and had moved over 20 years before hand !! I only changed it when a very lovely PC stopped me for a minor reason pointed it out to me that my licence was not valid!! I have also gone to work after dog walk and forgotten to get changed into RGN uniform!!...it’s normal behaviour..it’s called life !!

sage46 · 04/10/2019 23:29

I Started new job recently. Had to get my license checked by employer so that I could drive client's cars. Turned out my photo license had expired two years ago. I felt like a complete idiot that I got something as basic as that wrong! We all make mistakes, please don't be too hard on yourself OP.

Twillow · 04/10/2019 23:37

Have been to work with my top on inside out. Twice.

saraclara · 04/10/2019 23:43

OMG - the number of times I've gone out with toothpaste on my face. My daughter says I need to put my reading glasses on when I look in the mirror. Little does she realise that most days I forget to even look in the mirror.

wigglybeezer · 04/10/2019 23:44

I'm bad for that sort of thing, the worst financially is my children's investments, my dad gave me money to invest for each one, ( think college fund) he set up the first one but left the rest to me. I put them in simple savings accounts with low interest and didn't get round to moving them for years, two kids are several thousand down on the oldest and I have had to put any spare money I've acquired into the accounts to make it fair. No nice treats or many new clothes for me, even with birthday money.
I have also had to pay extra for rush job passport renewal, more than once.
I'm being assessed for ADD after Christmas.
I am being assessed for ADD in the New Year

GorkyMcPorky · 04/10/2019 23:51

Can I ask, OP, because I accidentally drove on tram tracks 3 months ago (great navigation DH!) how you found out about the fine in the end? I just can't believe I got away with it (I did ring and confess but they couldn't give me any info)

Queenie8 · 04/10/2019 23:52

I mixed two brothers up at school today and took the wrong one to an additional support lesson, it took someone else pointing out that I'd got the wrong one.....

kateandme · 05/10/2019 00:24

walked down to the shops.i felt cold,looked down and i was in my pjs.i wanted to cry with embarrassment but i could either turn round or carry on as i was at the shops already i decided to jsut go with it.

money worries is putting that doom feeling in my stomach all the time at the moment.so i feel for you.like some dark cloud is their from the moment i wake up threatening everything and everything.
mistake happen op.can you phone them and explain everything nyou have to us here? try all avenues first,there might just be a slightly less shitty solution to this.

BetsyBigNose · 05/10/2019 05:30

@biggirlknickers I have a car-related confession of my own - I was paying for my car insurance by monthly DD when I lost my job due to ill-health. I was very short of money and was very irresponsible regarding keeping an eye on my bank balance (was terrified to look!) Soon enough, I didn't have enough money in my account to cover the cost of the DD, so it bounced. My email account had recently been 'hacked' and so I had created a new account. In the meantime my Car Insurer tried to contact me via email (I fully accept it was my responsibility to ensure that the payment was made - really 'burying my head in the sand').

I drove past a Police car, parked in a lay-by. It did a u-turn and indicated for me to pull in. The Police Officer told me that my car had flashed up as being uninsured - I assured him that I was insured and gave him the details, he checked and confirmed to me that I wasn't. I was mortified and very scared. I had been driving, incident and point free since I was 17. He explained to me that I had to get the car insured there and then (which I did), at the side of the road, or my car would be impounded with immediate effect.

I was cautioned in the car (which was very scary and intimidating, although the Police Officer himself was a very kind and reassuring man) and ended up with 6 points on my licence.

You would think I had learned my lesson... I was very kindly gifted a car by my SIL, she had been paying the car tax as an annual payment, but it didn't occur to me to find out when it was due to be renewed. Although I completed and sent off all the paperwork for new ownership, I didn't received a reminder that the car tax payment was due - the first I knew about it was when I approached the car, to find a clamp on a wheel and yellow A4 posters stuck on the windows announcing "UN-TAXED VEHICLE". I had to call up and pay a release fine (I think it was around £280, but it was a long time ago. They removed the clamp within about an hour), obviously I also had to pay the outstanding car tax and, about 6 months later, I also received notification of a £200 fine.

So OP, you're certainly not alone but I know personally that these incidents are two of the things I am most ashamed of. I accept all responsibility and am now very careful to ensure that all my car-related costs are covered. I've certainly learned my lesson now. Whenever I remember what happened I get that horrible cringe-y, creeping heat of embarrassment that comes over you when you remember something awful you've done... yuck.

I have also done the wearing odd shoes to work thing - one had nearly an inch higher heel than the other!

SuperSara · 05/10/2019 06:14

@exWifebeginsAgainat46

Yes! Yes of course you have to update the address on your v5 as well as the driving licence.

As someone said above, it's a £1,000 fine for not doing that, if you get caught.

I can't imagine why you'd think you wouldn't have to change it.

Heyboyo · 05/10/2019 06:22

At work, I was checking a cars number plate to see if it was taxed as it looked abandoned. A co-worker asked if I’d put her number in as she didn’t know you could do this. She was late for taxing her car by 4 months. She was horrified. I’m amazed she wasn’t caught.

Littlegoth · 05/10/2019 06:25

This happened to me, except my fine happened as I was moving house and my change of address was in process at the DVLA. By the time I found out about it the fine was £178! Contact the TEC (national traffic enforcement centre) they were really nice and said it happens all the time. You need to get a statutory declaration and have it stamped at your local court, I didn’t have to pay anything for this. Keep it short and sweet and stick to the facts- you moved house and did not get the letter with the fine. The Tec will assess it and probably ask your local council to reset it back to initial notification including any bonus period for early payment.

Littlegoth · 05/10/2019 06:31

Mine was also bus lane PCN. The form to fill in and have stamped at court is called a PE2/PE3 and when you send it in attach a copy of your council tax bill and mark it clearly Out of Time declaration. You can email it all over to them and as your email title put Out of Time application and your PCN number. Email address is [email protected]

These things happen x

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