To cut these 'friends' off

[IfIcouldturnbacktime217]

I have an 18 month old and her dad walked out on me 17 months ago, I only told one of my friends at the time because I felt so ashamed to admit it. I received the odd txt asking how things were and I would just say they were fine. It wasn't until DD was 6 months old I finally went out with these friends and opened up, everybody was so nice and couldn't believe I'd kept it all to myself.
It's now a year on since I told these 'friends' and I have saw them twice since. I've suggested meeting up for coffee etc but nothing ever happens and days can go by without getting a reply to my text. Some of these 'friends' have been in my life for 20 years but I'm at the point now where I jut think, they really don't care about me, I think I'm just or should I say was a drinking partner. I find this so upsetting but when you've told people you felt you had pnd and had been really struggling and they don't check in on you, these are not friends are they?
I understand life can take over sometimes but nobody is this busy really are they?

There's never a good time to realise that your friends are no longer your friends. But it sounds as if there's been a general drifting rather than any malice involved. Does that make it any easier?

Are you the first one in the group to have a baby?

I’m sorry you’re feeling upset but yes, life is busy.

Have you suggested an actual date to meet up? Sometimes I see on MN “we have to catch up soon” as non-commital way of finishing the conversation and think “ if you don’t want to meet up why do you mention it?”

I recently got annoyed with some friends - we used to go to baby group together, now kids are at school/nursery and we all roughly know each other’s work schedules.
I organised couple of meet ups, they were great.Last one never happened- set the date 4 weeks before meeting, nobody was arsed to reply. They eventually replied on the day we were supposed to meet up.One asked if we could reschedule, the other couldn’t make it, next one apparently down with cold. All declined 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up.

Time to stop flogging dead horse and find new friends to hang around with.

No one is that busy they can’t take 30 seconds to text back, at some point.

I had people do this, I was always the one to initiate conversation (or try), invite, etc unless they contacted me because they wanted something from me.

The occasions my texts were answered and plans made, there would be a last minute cancellation from them and multiple times; when actually meeting up, it was always me doing the driving far.

I stopped bothering.

Sorry that you’re going through this, it is hard and it hurts.
Time to find new friends.

Yes I agree there has definitely been no malice. I just find it so upsetting when people know I've had a hard time they can't even text. Some days I speak to nobody apart from the baby and on days like that it really gets me down they can't even reply.
All of these friends have kids apart from one.
There was a night out arranged for this weekend, which would be my first proper night out but one them asked if we could do the week after so it got changed to then, which I can't do.
Think I do need new friends, how do you get them in your mid 30s though?

You find new friends at baby groups. It's not easy but will happen. Firstly you can have the odd coffee during the day and play dates. And out of a few of these you may meet a new friend. Just go armed with a smile (and the baby!).

I think the loneliness of being in a 'friendship group' that doesn't work for you is worse than having no friends, in my experience. You can make new friends when the time is right, meantime have the courage to accept these friends are not who you need and distance yourself.

Like @jamdhanihash, I found it better to have no friends rather than in a group that thought I was only good enough to be Plan B.

You will make more friends, ones that value you. Baby groups, and when your little one is in school, parents of the children she gets close to, and also any groups you join. I found it hard at first, but made friends with parents of kids close to my children, then a couple from my exercise classes.

these were probably acquaintances rather than friends, so not much lost really.

also, some women do avoid newly=single women, in case their men are tempted away... however stupid this may seem, these attitudes are still prevalent I think.
anyway, you don't need them. you are naturally feeling a bit lonely at the moment, , but you will meet other mothers through stay-and-play etc groups, what about any church groups for young parents, you don't have to go to church, but there are often community activities. it might help you to link in more with area where you live.