When I get annoyed at my partner winging about how tired he is!?

[1stmumma]

Just straight up, am I being selfish?

We have a baby of 4 months and he works at a gaming company, his day to day job consists of him sitting at a desk to work and most days taking part in gaming activity. I LOVE that he loves his job, but hate that he outright competes with me on tiredness.

Every night, I do baby's 10pm dream feed and then I'm up at around 6-6:30 and I can't nap during the day as he likes to be held and it's just uncomfortable. That, and running about after my little man AND tending to the house duties has me absolutely pooped every night.

But without fail, every work day, my boyfriend will come home, explain how tired he is and what's been going on at work but not ask how my day is, hell just automatically dismiss it if I mention I've had a tough day or Ive hit a wall. He's mentioned before that all I do is sit on sofa, the cheeky git! It's clear that he thinks I have it easy because I'm off work, I absolutely adore my baby and I love every day but he couldn't be more wrong.

Am I just moaning about nothing here? Some days I just want to cut him off as soon as he walks through the door because I know what he'll say. Poor sod 🤦‍♀️

Your 4 month old sleeps through the night? That’s amazing!!! Or have I read ghat wrong? My babies all were up every 45mins at that age I didn’t get a full night until 9months which I always thought was super early! Yes sleep competition annoys me too, but you are getting a full night sleep. So maybe you both need to feel lucky.

You have accused him of being a cheeky git for saying you sit on the sofa all day when you basically said exactly the same thing about his job..

You have unfortunately fallen into the trap of competing against each other. It is of course easily done but just as easy to stop.

@Witchinaditch
Yeah I wish! Haha no he goes to bed around 6-7, gets a dream feed around 10-11, wakes for a feed around 2-3 and then is up at about 6-7 in the morning. I am getting a decent sleep, yeah, but having to wake my partner to feed the baby in the night isn't pleasant, he always pulls a strop. Feel like I have 2 children sometimes haha

@MichonnesBBF

There's a difference, I know for a fact he's on his butt all day haha. He has fifa tournaments and all sorts every week. He has a really fun job haha

Yeah we've definitely fallen into that curse. I'm just going to have to keep it to myself now, save my tiredness for bed haha

Oh I see! Yeah then you’re completely justified in being annoyed! He is not as tired as you. End of.

I want his job

How did he get it?

It sounds like you're doing the very thing you say he does: minimise what the other person is doing all day.

It's not a competition; they're tiring in different ways

@MichonnesBBF
Me too!

@LolaSmiles

Yes but there was a point where I wanted to hear about his day, and hear him when he says he's tired because there's nothing better than relaxing and unwinding together at the end of the day.

But it seems he's different, he makes it seem like I shouldn't be tired. If i mention that I'm tired he'll ask me "how" ?

I know he works hard, don't get me wrong but I just wish he'd see that I do, too, 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yanbu but I agree with the PP who said that you've fallen into that trap of competing as to who is tiredest (and I have no answer to this- we did it, we still do it, but with a bit of a wry chuckle and acknowledgement that we're doing it and that, in our own ways, yes, we are both knackered! Sob).
I had a baby who also liked to be held and couldn't have survived without my Caboo Close stretchy sling. I strapped him to me whenever I had to do things around the house and he got his touchy feely contact that way and when he fell asleep in the sling I'd take us both off to bed. It would drive me mad when people would say "sleep when the baby sleeps" but I realised (too late) that it's really the best way
Are you planning to go back to work when your baby is older? It's good to start transitioning into a more equitable sharing of night-duties in advance of that happening and he'll soon realise how easy he's had it