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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider euthanizing my dog

81 replies

Episcomama · 04/10/2019 16:16

I think we need to euthanize our black lab and I need to hear from others who've been in our shoes. She is 14 and has been declining for a while. Biggest issue is her hips, for a while now we haven't been able to take her on long walks and she struggles on our stairs. Took her to the vet a month ago; he thought that despite her age she has decent muscle tone in her legs, so we likely have about a year.

This morning she couldn't stand up. Couldn't get her back legs up. I helped her and laid her on the sofa. After a while she was able to stand and walk a bit, but her hips seemed splayed, almost as though she's trying to balance on a slippery surface. At the moment she's able to walk, but slowly. She spends a lot of her time lying down now, although when people come to the door she goes over to it. Also had a number of poop accidents indoors. I think it's time but I'm so concerned about "killing her" too soon. But wondering if we're being selfish to see how she does. We have an in-home euthanasia service coming tomorrow. Our vet has no appointments today so is unable to see her. Do we wait and see? Go ahead with the appointment?

OP posts:
wedwoses · 04/10/2019 17:17

We have been through this twice. Looking back I think the first time we waited slightly too long, and I'm very sad about that. On the second occasion it was the right time. As a pp said, better a week too early, than a week too late. Give lots of cuddles, be with her during the process, it only takes a split second at the end, it's very peaceful, painless and rapid, and think beforehand what you want to do afterwards - bring her home or otherwise.

Hobbesmanc · 04/10/2019 17:18

Oh I always get a little teary. Ive had several pets pts and it's always horrendous but I try hard not to let them sense my fear and sorrow. They don't have any sense of impending death so theres no fear. Huge hugs to you and your dog xx

Branster · 04/10/2019 17:28

If her meds ran out, maybe that’s why she’s uncomfortable.
Definitely see vet as an emergency appointment. There might be other medication she can be on that would keep pain under control.
You will simply know when the time has come.
I had a lab who stopped going upstairs the last year of his life but could still get on and off the sofa on its own and do his business outside.
He was on expensive medication but it gave him two further years of good quality independent life (in the sense that he could be on his own without getting in any trouble).
We stopped walking on pavements during his last year but would drive to park or woods as walking on softer ground was better and he enjoyed being out and about.
I’d say don’t give up on her yet and ask for the best medication you can get ASAP but be realistic.

StCharlotte · 04/10/2019 17:35

Thanks everyone. It was the gentlest end and he's reunited with his beloved cats now Smile

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 04/10/2019 17:37

They don't have any sense of impending death so theres no fear

I took my big dog the day her back legs gave way completely and she was unable to stand at all. I could see the panic in her eyes when she tried to move and found she couldn't.

She loved the vets though and was more than happy to be put in the car and taken to the surgery. When we put her on the table the vet fed her a handful of treats and she actually drifted off with a mouth full of treats. She had food, affection, people she loved and no fear at all.

I can understand you wanting the vet to see her first but as others have said, better the day before she has to go than the day after she should.

Tippytappytoes · 04/10/2019 17:38

Op, check out the following site www.caninearthritis.co.uk. Lots of free information on how we can help make things a little better before we have to eventually make that decision. With up to date advice/impartial information of the different drugs, supplements and alternative treatments that are currently on the market. They also have a Facebook page, and a page for owners (on FB) called Holly’s Army, where you can ask questions, get/offer advice or support.

Tippytappytoes · 04/10/2019 17:40

If she still has muscle tone in her legs, there is a good chance that if this is just pain related and you can get that under control, it’ll get easier for her.

BrokenWing · 04/10/2019 17:42

Better a day too soon rather than a day too late.

I would say better a month too soon than an hour too late.

Forget about keeping her with you as long as possible, now is your final kindness and time to do what is only right for her.

I remember our family dog deteriorating, looking back 30 years, mum & dad should have had him pts months before he died. I know it's hard and I hope I have the strength to do the right thing when the time comes for our labrador.

flumposie · 04/10/2019 18:03

I had to make the decision to put my 15 year old cat to sleep in July. He was diagnosed with diabetes and possible stomach problems. I would have persevered with the insulin but I kept finding him eating his cat litter. That's when I couldn't let him suffer anymore. Saddest decision I ever made and I still question if it was too soon but my head says no. Looking back there were other signs too.You will know.

StCharlotte · 04/10/2019 18:45

the vet fed her a handful of treats and she actually drifted off with a mouth full of treats

That's so lovely! How marvellous for a dog to go with treats to spare Smile

iMatter · 04/10/2019 19:17

Oh OP. It's so incredibly difficult. I'm sending you lots of love.

We've been there and it's so incredibly hard. I've always said they (your dog) has a way of letting you know.

Sending you love and hugs

Dodoluded · 04/10/2019 19:22

Sending you lots of love OP

ThebishopofBanterbury · 04/10/2019 19:27

When the back legs go there's not much more you can do. Had to let my old girl go when that happened. Best of luck with it all

bumblenbean · 04/10/2019 19:31

I’m sorry OP Sad

Several years ago we were in exactly the same position. Elderly dog, started to lose ability to walk quite suddenly, accidents inside - quite a quick decline over a couple of days and eventually stopped eating and drinking. You could see in his deep brown soulful eyes he was ready to go.

It was heartbreaking but we made the decision as a family to have the vet over and have him PTS. Before she arrived we each spent a few minutes with him telling him how much we loved him and our favourite memories.

He drifted off in our arms. It sounds a bit morbid but as it was late at night we kept him in the house until the morning, then buried him in the garden.

It was traumatic and even though I wanted to keep him alive (selfishly) I knew it was the right thing. It went against all my instincts but luckily my family and the vet convinced me it was the kindest thing and in hindsight they were right. I understand you questioning it, but in your heart of hearts I think you know when it’s time.

Someone sent me a lovely little poem afterwards - I’ll see if I can find it.

bumblenbean · 04/10/2019 19:32

Here’s the poem ❤️

If I Should Grow Frail
(AKA "The Last Battle")

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this the last battle can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close we two these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

JollyJlly · 04/10/2019 19:38

Oh OP Flowers such a difficult time. No one ever says they did it too soon but plenty of people say they wish they had done it sooner. Don’t delay it’s kinder to do it sooner rather than later.

Savingforarainyday · 04/10/2019 19:39

We had this with our greyhound.
The vet said it was a nerve deterioration.

It was awful, making that decision.
I absolutely didn't want her to lose her legs, and be stuck while we were out.
Mine also had accidents in her bed.
One day, we just knew it was the right time.
In hindsight, I wish I had done it sooner. Ultimately, I was glad I didn't prolong her suffering.

Jupiter15 · 04/10/2019 19:41

It’s heart breaking but YADNBU. Your dog’s quality of life has deteriorated and it’s only going to get worse. It’s the last kindness you can give them. It’s one of the biggest responsibilities of a pet owner to make this decision and not prolong things because of our own feelings.

Constance17 · 04/10/2019 19:45
Flowers Sending hugs, treasure all the memories x
Itsfineactually · 04/10/2019 19:49

Can I ask what is meant by a dog’s legs ‘going’?

Our dog is nearly 12, he’s a large breed (deerhound) and is a good couple of years past his life expectancy but he is still running around on his walks, catching sticks and bounding about, but after about 2 or 3 sticks he can’t do anymore running. he can happily go on longer walks of a couple of hours in the countryside but struggles to get off and on the sofa that eve or next day as his back legs are stiff.
We have to help him up.
He can only cope with one long walk a week, the rest are every other day for about 45 mins.
Also, if he’s still for too long then his back legs are stiff.

We’re wondering when the right time is to le him go, but although his back legs ache regularly, he is still enjoying life.

Womenzwork · 04/10/2019 19:55

It's awful isn't it. I just had my 16 year old PTS yesterday for the same reason. Devastating for all of us but it was the right thing to do. My DD is now planning her funeral, it's helping her process it (although some of her suggestions are making me 😳). Talk it through with the vet, ours has been wonderful and very understanding.

Rosieandtwinkle · 04/10/2019 20:04

We had the same with our lab at 14.....we’d managed his arthritis for a few years with meds, but one morning found he was unable to get himself up. We knew that once he couldn’t get to his water bowl, or take himself to the toilet, we had to make a decision. It was the hardest thing we’d ever had to do, but we knew that prolonging things was more for us, than him. Our vet was amazing and helped us through. I was so worried I’d regret making the decision but In all honesty, although feeling devastated that he’d gone, I also felt an immense relief that he was no longer in any pain. Flowers

Topseyt · 04/10/2019 20:14

Itsfine, dogs' back legs going means them weakening. There can be many reasons, but the main ones are worn out joints and sometimes degeneration of the lower spine.

When the dog is standing for any length of time you may well notice the legs and lower back end collapsing slowly but definitely towards the ground/floor. It can be hereditary or it can be wear and tear due to ageing.

Difficulty getting up from lying down can also mean that the back legs are going. My labrador has no difficulty getting his front end up, but his back end takes rather longer and is definitely weakening. I need to watch it. Nothing can be done except keep him comfortable and happy for as long as possible.

mnthrowaway2099 · 04/10/2019 20:36

I think your reasoning is sound and certainly wouldn’t judge you for it. I have seen hip dysplasia in dogs first hand, and it is such a sad existence for them. They can’t run or go for walks or be active, but they will try! So will end up getting injuries on the legs that they drag around. Eventually they won’t be able to move much so will need to be hand fed and need to go to the toilet in their beds - the dog will eventually be a shell of its former self, both physically and in therms of their personality - and I think owners that keep them until they naturally pass are being selfish.

Itsjustmee · 04/10/2019 20:45

When a dog can’t do what it’s supposed to do go out for walks, eat properly sniff around and generally be a pain in the ass then it’s often time to let them go.
They can’t tell you they are in pain , they can’t tell you that they are suffering. They can’t say my hips are killing me mum can you help me out like us humans can do
All they can do is rely on you to do the right thing
So you have to do the right thing for them not you no matter how painful it is for you .
Your lovely lab has had 14 wonderful years with you as it’s owner and family.

You have been an amazing owner so many people treat pets as disposable and get rid of them for no reason
You haven’t done this you’ve been a fabulous owner to your dog so let her or him go with dignity and kindness .

For what it’s worth I have put down all my dogs when they get like this
I take the vets advice on the quality of life they will have over the next few months and if it’s bad then I will let them go .
I’ve been with them each time and it’s very dignified and peaceful.
I know that my old girl will probably go within the next year but I think of it as that she has had an amazing life and I don’t want to see her in pain and suffering
One of my dogs had cancer and when I saw her looking at the water bowl confused and not knowing how to drink from it I took her to the vets the next day to be put to sleep
Giving you hugs OP