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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad for my friends little cat

113 replies

ArizonaRobbins · 04/10/2019 14:20

My friend has a young cat. They live together in a (fairly large) flat. She has had the cat since she was a kitten. Little cat does not get to go outside. Friend fears she will get lost or run over. Which is understandable.

Poor cat seems to spend a lot of time sitting at the living room window. When I think about this too closely I feel sad. They poor little cat’s whole life is within those four walls. How boring and unfulfilling must that be?

I have no pets. Maybe I just don’t get it. It just seems a little selfish to me.

OP posts:

Ozzie9523 · 04/10/2019 16:47

I agree, cats should go out. I';ve always had them and they've always had a cat flap to come and go as they please. Yes that's not without risks but I'd rather a cat led a happy fulfilled life that might be a bit shorter (tho mine have all lived to good ages). Could she imagine spending her entire life indoors? I think it's very very cruel. I love watching my cats running around the garden and playing.

Cecilandsnail · 04/10/2019 17:17

I have a couple of cats, one mainly stays out but has started to come in more now the weather is getting cooler. The other is a stray I fostered and subsequently adopted from cats protection after her kittens were rehomed. She was living outdoors in a colony for a couple of years. She is now a house cat! (her decision!!) She goes out to toilet and that's IT. Quick pee and she's straight back in. She also likes ham cut up into bitesized strips, to sleep in my bed or my daughter's bed. She maaaay venture as far as the back doorstep if I'm out there too. How she survived as a stray I have no idea! I chucked her out the other day so I could mop the kitchen floor and she stood with her face against the window meowing constantly, so I had to grab a towel and quickly dry the floor so she could come back in quicker. So needy!!!

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 04/10/2019 17:34

The average lifespan of an indoor cat is 16 years. The average lifespan of an outdoor cat is 5 years.

I seem to remember that, yes, the average is lower for outside cats, but if they make it to three years they're likely to reach a good age. ie young cats are most at risk.

We lost two cats young, both on the road. Four made it to 18 plus. Our current two are 16 and 19. All outside cats, though the 19 year old chooses to stay indoors these days.

LizB62A · 04/10/2019 18:03

The average lifespan of an indoor cat is 16 years. The average lifespan of an outdoor cat is 5 years.

Not in my experience
Are those figures from the US? (where cats tend to be exclusively indoor or exclusively outdoor)

OP - has your friend had her cat chipped and neutered? It will almost definitely get out one day so the argument that "I don't need to, it's an indoor cat" doesn't fly....

Piglet89 · 04/10/2019 18:11

Totally agree. We adopted our cat from people who had just a roof terrace for her to go outside. She has the run of our garden now, loves springing up the fences and walking along them and defends her territory (ie our garden) aggressively against all neighbourhood cats! She would be so miserable were she not able to go outside.

Piglet89 · 04/10/2019 18:12

I should say though that we live in a mid terrace and she’s only allowed out the back, not the front, as we are frightened she would be run over on the road at the front.

audweb · 04/10/2019 18:20

I have a cat who over the summer (her first summer) when the windows were wide open (pretty much every day) chose to sit on the outside windowsill and not just down (ground floor).

Seemingly she jumped out once when someone else was looking after her, panicked, but managed to jump back up. She’s a timid wee thing, so I think she has chosen to not venture further. The choice was hers!

SilverySurfer · 04/10/2019 18:33

My first cat would have loathed being a house cat, my second cat who I homed when he was eight was absolutely terrified of being out of the house. I used to think it was cruel to keep him indoors initially but I tried many times just holding him and standing one step outside the door and he would go berserk, jump out of my arms and run back indoors. He also sat looking out of the window but it did not mean he wanted to be outside, he wouldn't even sit on the outside windowsill.

GreyHare · 04/10/2019 18:37

@LizB62A *
OP - has your friend had her cat chipped and neutered? It will almost definitely get out one day so the argument that "I don't need to, it's an indoor cat" doesn't fly....*

This utter bollocks, my house cats have never got out, some of us are careful, caring owners.

Minai · 04/10/2019 18:41

My house cat sits at the windowsill a lot. If you saw her you’d probably feel sorry for her too.

I have tried and tried to get her to go out but she simply doesn’t want to. If I put her out she howls at the door to get in or jumps up onto the kitchen roof to find a way to get back in through a window.

Some cats are genuinely happy as housecats. Not all but if she has been indoors since she was a kitten she won’t know any different and will be fine.

madcatladyforever · 04/10/2019 18:43

I feel so sorry for catsunami who are made to stay in. All of my 6 cats spanning 30 years have loved going out. Current old girl 18 likes a twice a day wander outside or she gets restless. We're currently in rented waiting to buy a new home to avoid a chain and it took her 2 days to work out her surroundings. She can't wander while I am at work as the rental doesn't have a cat flap but I let her out when I get home and she goes off for half an hour then settles in for the evening.
The house I'm buying has a nice walled garden where she will be safe outside.

slipperywhensparticus · 04/10/2019 18:45

One of my cats is allergic to outdoors another is scared third one can take it or leave it

MissConductUS · 04/10/2019 18:55

Ours are indoors and are doing fine. As PP mentioned, having adequate interaction and stimulation is the key. Also as cats are highly territorial you don't want to have too many sharing a small house.

We have a bit of a hybrid environment for them. We have a really big second story deck that looks out over the woods and they spend some time out there almost every day. Unless it's raining or too cold or too hot of course.

SquirrelsInJune · 04/10/2019 19:03

My cat has always had access to the outdoors. He's free to roam wherever he pleases and has been since he was neutered and vaccinated as a kitten.

He's now 10 years old and has yet to show any interest in leaving our back garden. Even then he will only go outdoors if the door is kept propped open for him. The second it closes he will shout loudly until it's opened - at which point he will run in at top speed.

I would be more than happy for him to go out and explore. He just isn't interested. Not all cats are.

saraclara · 04/10/2019 19:06

@RightYesButNo I'd be interested to check that statistic back to the source that the article got it from. Because surely it had to include feral cats. I've lived in variously rural/urban homes and had outdoor cats for all my 63 years. Their lifespans were between 13 and 20 years. I'm trying to think of any friends cats that I've known of that have only lived for 2-5 years and I'm not coming up with anything.

britinnyc · 04/10/2019 19:06

I live in the US. It is considered cruel to let your cat out here. You are unable to adopt one if you say you will let it out. Mine is 16 and spent many years of her life living in a one bedroom flat with a view of a street and she is perfectly happy with her life. My parents back in the uk had a cat that they got at about the same time as mine but was an outdoor cat, the cat was always at the vet from getting in fights etc. and getting hurt and she died several years ago so to me it seems like being indoors is a better life

WillowPeach · 04/10/2019 19:13

I’ve 2 housecats and they most definitely do not love a miserable existence. They can’t miss what they’ve never had and one is a Ragdoll so she can’t be an outdoor cat anyway. It’s definitely down to personal choice of the owner but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When I got my cats I see them as my responsibility. So it’s my responsibility to keep them safe. They don’t know that there are lots of ways the outside can hurt them - eating things they shouldn’t or are toxic, being hit by traffic, targeted by those who poison them deliberately to keep them out of gardens (happened to a friend), getting into fights with other cats, getting stolen, getting stolen for animal bate for fighting dogs. No matter the size, it’s just not worth the risk for me. When I look at my two snuggled up on the sofa nice and warm and safe, I get the warmest feeling knowing that they know they are safe and warm. They’re also so much more friendly and attentive than any other cats I’ve known.

The way I see it, is that you wouldn’t leave a dog to roam the streets so why is it ok to let a cat out. Each to their own but it’s not for me and if anyone dares to say ‘poor buggers’ to me, I always happily put them straight!

Plus you can get all sorts of cool stuff from Etsy like wall mounted bridges and pedestals

nopenotplaying · 04/10/2019 19:13

I had a house cat but I used to see her looking longingly at the world outside. I was worried she'd get ran over. Despite living in the countryside our road is busy with tractors etc. I introduced her gradually to the world and she stayed nearby for a good while. Then got braver. She was free for about a year then got hit by a car and was killed instantly. I'd never have another as much as I loved her. House cats are unhappy and where is live isn't safe for them to roam.

A family member has a house cat. The house smells, they can't open the windows properly. Cat is not very friendly and very overweight. Probably 6 or so years old now so I think the desire to go outside has maybe waned. But they don't let it near open doors etc. If they let it out it would likely get hit by a car too. I just don't think they should've got the cat but I also made that mistake!

Honeybee85 · 04/10/2019 19:17

We also have a cat that lives indoors.
Husband has gotten her before we met and has never let her outside because he fears she might get hit by a car (we live nearby a busy road with a lot of speeding going on there). She has escaped twice or so and always returned quickly since the outside world seems to frighten her when she is alone. She has been walked a few times on a leash though and seems to enjoy that.

Iliketeaagain · 04/10/2019 19:19

Like PPs have said, it depends on the cat. I had 2 house cats. We did let them out in the garden if they wished, but invariably that involved 1 paw over the threshold and then zipping right back inside the minute a leaf so much as rustled in a breeze.

They were just nervous rescue cats that had been house cats since they were kittens. And so, they stayed house cats, perfectly happy and healthy, enjoying the freedom of the house and spent many many hours on the windowsill and the floor, moving around the catch the sun shining in through the window. We had toys for them but they weren't particularly interested in playing save for 10 or so minutes in the evening.

EatsFartsAndLeaves · 04/10/2019 19:22

Just wondering, do you feel equally sorry for the hundreds of native birds etc that cat would probably kill, slowly, if allowed to roam outside? We're losing native wildlife at a terrifying rate, it's responsible to keep cats indoors!

NoodlingAlong · 04/10/2019 19:24

Why are pp saying that an average statistic cannot be right because it doesn’t resonate with their own personal experience? Do you just not understand the concept of ‘average’?

Branleuse · 04/10/2019 19:27

I dont like the idea of housecats any more than i like the idea of dogs that dont get walked or kids that dont go out. Seems like a bit of a half life

jillowarriorqueen · 04/10/2019 19:29

My cats both have access to the outside but still enjoy sitting in the upstairs windows and watching the world go by. One of them hates going outside and won't go beyond the end of the patio even when I encourage her to. Outside isn't all that for some cats. I wouldn't worry too much. You'll find divided opinions on here about whether cats are better off out than in. It's your friend's cat and as long as she loves and looks after it, then I wouldn't worry.

PuppyMonkey · 04/10/2019 19:32

My cat is an indoor cat by choice, she’s free to go out if she likes but she prefers to sleep all day in the spare bedroom, and spends the nighttime running around the landing catching spiders.

Her body language when she does venture out (as far as the patio on mild dry day that’s not too hot nor too cold) is hilarious - slinking down and then quickly sliding back indoors to safety.

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