HELP Teen son not listening

[damedifido]

hi all im new on here have no family to turn to I have an 18 yr old son he is at college at moment he has gotten into a crowed some are straight some are gay I have never known him to be so flippant as he is of late and now he is claiming he is bisexual even to a point of going to gay pride march and kissing young men whilst with his new friends he has also said that one of his friends ditched a college course to be on the same one as he is taking and now this friend has had him moved up in other classes I have no problem with his friends being gay or bisexual I know a lot of people whom are gay bisexual im just feeling that he is being cohorts into things he knows nothing of and have explained to him that it seems to me that he is being lead by the nose as he has learning problems and is naïve but the problem is he is 18 and classed as an adult I am so at a loss as what to do and to top it all we had a massive row this morning and he slopped off to college I really dont no what I can do for him any advice if you have it would be welcome

Your post is difficult to read because there is not one full stop.

Why are you annoyed with him? It's really not clear.

I think you have to stop telling him you know better than him what his sexuality is. Every one knows what their sexuality is, and it’s not something that can be changed via peer pressure

He might just be experimenting or he might not. Either way you have to support his decisions.

I think you need to step back and in the nicest way, listen to him. He is obviously talking to you and you do not want to ruin that. My dd went to pride with friends while still at secondary school, it shows support and understanding. She has friends of all different sexualities too. They actually know more than us these days. So just be there for him on whatever he chooses his sexuality is. As for changing courses to be with friends, quite common I imagine. Let him be. He could be doing much worse and at least he has friends and is happy.

It sounds as though he isn't listening because what you are saying is neither helpful or appropriate. Why on Earth are you commenting on his sexuality or whom he feels like kissing? Leave him to fall hi love and socialise with the people he chooses.

He is going to college and getting on with studying, which suggests that he is planning for his future professional life in a responsible way. All in all you should be very happy. What exactly is the problem here?

he has learning problem

How vulnerable an adult is he actually - he's at a college, he's making his own way there etc. It doesn't sound that he's likely particularly vulnerable from that description in which case you need to just butt the fuck out of his private life and be there to support him if any of his relationships don't work out.

If he is actually very vulnerable, then presumably he/you should still have support in the transition from child services to adult services, and they really are likely to be considerably better than you in being able to support and protect him - as you've found out he's not receptive to you, which isn't surprising as your language here comes across quite bigoted so I would expect you to be similar with him.

im just feeling that he is being cohorts into things he knows nothing of and have explained to him that it seems to me that he is being lead by the nose as he has learning problems and is naïve but the problem is he is 18 and classed as an adult

You mention 'learning problems' are you your son's appointee, do you have any involvement with other agencies, or does he have complete control over all his affairs because he has capacity?

I understand that you feel he is being coerced into this new exploration of sexuality, but the more you show opposition to it, the more likely he is to want to defy you.

That's a combination of his hormones and possibly emotional immaturity. Often people with learning difficulties can present with an emotional age about two thirds of their chronological age and that makes them very vulnerable to exploitation by their age peers and others.

Telling him he's vulnerable and easily led isn't going to help, he doesn't want to hear the 'you're different' talk, he already knows he's different, that's why he's experimenting and trying desperately to fit in.

Your actions really depend on your son's circumstances and if not handled very delicately, it could drive a real wedge between you. You want to protect him, that's only natural, every mother would, but you have to tread carefully not to alienate him, because he won't see your actions as trying to help him, he'll see them as controlling and interfering.

Does he know about safe sex (at the very least to use a condom) and does he know about consent?

The cup of tea consent video is very good and explains things really well, can you watch it together although you may have to reinforce the message about the metaphor.
www.youtube.com/watch?
v=pZwvrxVavnQ