Pet names/terms of endearment

[RobynsMama]

Totally ready to be told I’m unreasonable because I’ve had this debate with a few of my colleagues recently and they disagree with me. But AIBU to think there is a place for pet names and terms of endearment in healthcare?

I’m a nurse and I admit that I do often call patients “sweetheart” or “darling” BUT only if the rapport is there or I’ve been looking after them a long time. Of course I know their actual names and I know that Mr Smith in bed 14 prefers to be called Mr Smith and that’s what I will call him.

I’ve been told off by a couple of colleagues who’ve overheard me, saying it’s unprofessional, and I can see how it can be especially if they’re over used or if used in substitute for not knowing a patients real name. But I don’t think I’m doing it in that context.

But all I can think about is how comforting it was when I was in labour (alone, because my mum was supposed to be my birthing partner and it all happened too quickly and too early) my lovely midwife called me “sweetheart” almost the whole way through and I found it really soothing and I felt so looked after.

Thoughts?

I should think it's a very individual thing depending on the patient and their preferences. They can always tell you they don't like being called a pet name, then you're only a dick if you keep doing it after being told.

your colleagues are being unreasonable IMO. If nursing becomes a profession in which one is meant to be professional at all times in manner then it'll become a very cold uncaring thing indeed. I think a lot of patients would respond better to a more personal feel to their nursing, and that is what helps them recover faster with comfort and love.

If I was very ill I'd prefer you to look after me than your colleagues.

Im a nurse too and that kind of thing REALLY pisses me off.

I think when people do it chronically its a way of not learning peoples names. Lazy nursing.

Do people really expect nurses to remember the names of god knows how many patients on their ward? How many might that even be? And how often do they rotate? I'd be impressed if a nurse could remember my name without checking the chart first unless I'd been on the ward for a significant amount of time :) I dare say nursing staff have a ton of stuff on their plate already without being expected to memories hundreds of names to faces.

My doctor once called me honeybunny when I was crying at her. It was awkward.

Yes nurses are expected to remember names, or at least create a rapport by asking what patients prefer to be called.

Theres even a handover sheet (usually) with names written it on it if you're lost.

To not remember someones name after 13 hours of being with someone is quite frankly rude.

I really like it if there is a rapport. Used to hate health visitors calling me "mum" tho. Completely irrational, which I suppose you should factor in!!

My respect for nurses and their ability to do a million things at once was already pretty high and now it's astronomic ;)

I agree that nurses are absolutely amazing

When I was in hospital recently one of the HCAs used these kind of pet names frequently & it was absolutely fine. Probably because she was a caring, motherly type person.

However if one of the doctors (male of female) had, I can imagine feeling very patronised!

This is absolutely fine OP and any colleague that tells you different is just wrong.

There are some nurses who unfortunately do not have any common sense and will kick off at things that have no bearing on care and these tend to be the same nurses who make mistakes that affect patients health. They'll claim you don't use their name as you don't know it because they are deflecting from their own inadequacies.

Just carry on, if a senior colleague asks you to not call a patient with whom you have built a relationship darling then ask them to show you the NMC guidelines that suggest that.

I'd prefer a pet name over being called "mum" when with the HV. I think in labour I was called mum by the midwives too - I didn't like that because it felt lazy and I think it was because they couldn't figure out how to pronounce my Irish name. We were there for hours - they could have asked me! The doctors doing the episiotomy and forceps and the anaesthetist called me by my name and were with me for much less time. Actually, one if them asked if they could call me by my first name. I liked that.

I like when people say love, pet or sweetheart as it feels like they care about me. It could be completely wrong but the people who have cared about me have used those terms of endearment and it feels like would be suitable in a situation where someone was caring for me - like a nurse in hospital.

The only one I would have a major problem with is if I was called "hun." I feckin hate "hun."

I'm a nurse too and I think if you've really established a rapport with a patient you should ask them how they like to be addressed. I would use their first name if they indicated that that was their preference, otherwise it would I would go with Mr. Jones or Mrs. Smith. I would avoid terms of endearment. They just blur the relationship.

My dad was cared for in his last months by lovely nurses who 'babied' him a bit. It was beautiful to see, still makes me cry to think about it. When I die I want to be nursed by people who show love in their voices, and speak with the voices of my youth.

I’d love you to be looking after me

When my dad was in intensive care and at death’s door there was a nurse who used to give him a hug and kiss on on the head and call him petal, love, sweetheart when he was upset. God I could cry now thinking about how kind she was.

My dad recovered btw but I’ve never forgotten those incredible nurses.

I could be in a coma and if you called me sweetheart repeatedly, I would rise up and a miraculous recovery would be witnessed by all!

You do you and tell them to mind their own business.

It sounds like you do it in a nice way, not a sickly ‘dahrling’ as every second word kind of way.

I prefer pet/love/etc to darling

You keep making your patients feel cared about 🌷

If I was in need of care to be honest you could call shit head and I wouldn't care so long as you helped me out!

Seriously though, as long as the tone/context isn't patronising YNBU. I realise that can be subjective but it's in the intent, not the words IMO.

They can always tell you they don't like being called a pet name No they can't. It's a very unequal relationship, as a patient you are dependent on the nurse, and reluctant to say anything that may piss her off. Being called by a name you don't want to be called by, and being scared to say anything, just makes the whole experience, the feeling of helplessness, of not being treated as a person, even worse.

I'd rather be called darling by a nurse I had a good relationship with than Ms Breasted at all times.

I also find people use pet names in conversation when they wouldn't actually use your name anyway, so it's not always a substitute for learning names. Ie they'd use your name to get your attention/at the start of a conversation and then use pet names to punctuate the utterance. People using your name to your face multiple times can be really jarring.

I'd prefer you call me by my first name. I find it quite condescending to be called sweet heart, or even worse, darling. I'd assume you don't know my name.

And I'm sure your midwife would have made you feel the exact same without calling you sweet heart.

I'd rather be called darling by a nurse I had a good relationship with than Ms Breasted

To be fair, I think everyone would prefer that, 😜