Strange policy for bullying or AIBU

[MintyMabel]

DD told me her friend was being bullied at school. At drop off this morning, her friend said to me she didn’t want to go to class today, I asked why then asked her if she wanted to speak to a teacher about it. She said yes so when the TA came to collect DD and friend (DD goes in to the class early) we let the TA know what had been happening and could the girls talk to their teacher about it. TA said it needs to be the bullied girl’s mum who deals with it, not me.

I was a bit taken aback. DD’s friend is a regular at our house so I know her well. DD was really upset about her friend being in tears and she’s had some run ins with the bully too. She didn’t want to go today either and that is really unusual for her.

It was eventually agreed by the TA that the girls could speak to the teacher about it, but AIBU to suggest it shouldn’t just be that children can only report being bullied if their own parent asks? This particular TA does have some strange ideas and has overstepped her role with DD quite a few times, but this comment really got to me. The TA had witnessed some of what happened yesterday, but had done nothing about it. She said she waited for the bully to come to the lunch hall but she never came so that was that.

Should I not have done anything when being told another child was being bullied, just because I’m not her mum?

I feel you did the right thing WITHOUT A DOUBT. Now, I feel the bullied girl's parents should be notified--are you able to do this? I'm a bit leery that this TA will do anything about it.

Agree with you, she's got the wrong idea completely. Children are taught to speak to an adult they trust, the adult in this situation was you and you rightly reported it as is your duty of care as an adult.

I'd go as far as saying you need to speak to the head teacher about this. The bullied child in some instances may just be ridiculed by parents and told to toughen up, or worse, so the school must act regardless of who reports it.

A few years ago my son told me someone was being bullied on the school bus. I reported it. There’s no way I would knowingly allow that to happen to someone because he was someone else’s child.

Should I not have done anything when being told another child was being bullied, just because I’m not her mum?

Of course YANBU, the TA (hopefully) or the school policy is wrong. A kid might not want to tell their own parent about bullying, or may have done so and had it dismissed (I don't mean in this specific case, but in general).

Now, I feel the bullied girl's parents should be notified--are you able to do this?

Unfortunately I don't know her parents. She comes round to play a fair bit but it's because she knocks for DD rather than it being arranged. I'm not even sure if she is on the class FB group. The girl only started at the school summer before last whereas her other friends have been there since P1 so I've got to know their parents.

I might speak to her on Monday and ask if she has spoken to her mum about it.

I'd go as far as saying you need to speak to the head teacher about this.

I really want to. But would be yet another thing I’ve had to raise with them about this TA!

When she knocks for your dd could you not Ask her if you can pop round to her parents house together? If it was my dd I would want to be aware of it.
Unfortunately my dcs school has the same half arsed attitude towards bullying and quite often turns a blind eye to such things.
I also believe that there is something called LADO (I could be wrong) that these issues can be reported to if the school arent dealing with these things accordingly.

YANBU, a child should be able to report bullying on their own or with the person bringing them to school at anytime. The TA sounds pretty incompetent and irresponsible

Do talk to the head or the girls' teacher. You don't have to make it about the TA but just be 'confused' about the bullying policy and checking they're following up.

When she knocks for your dd could you not Ask her if you can pop round to her parents house together? If it was my dd I would want to be aware of it.

That’s a good idea. I’ll offer to walk her home. Never thought of that.

I do find it strange she is here quite a bit but I’ve never spoken to her mum. When other friends drop round I drop their mums a text asking what time they have to be home, or ask the girls to do it. The other mums do the same if DD ends up there. I guess it’s just a different approach to parenting. She might well be thinking it’s strange I’ve never contacted her!