To have not voiced my concerns re: friends divorce

[Usernamemcname]

My best friend text me two nights ago to say that she and her dh are getting divorced. It was completely out of the blue. They always seemed so happy. She told me that she often worried about him dying as there would be no point in living without him.
It turns out he's been having an affair and he's choosing the OW. He is the last person I ever expected to do something like this.
However a couple of months ago there was a few mentions of 'dh's female colleague' I remember listening to my bf saying 'she's just like the female version of him!' 'They get on sooo well' 'they're off to Clevedon cycling this weekend.' Then I met her at Carnival and she was gorgeous and young and they talked to each other with a real intensity. I felt a sort of uncomfortableness but I guess because his wife was there and her other half was there I thought nothing more of it.
Now I don't know if it's her. My friend hasn't said. But I feel like it is. I also feel that maybe I should have said something at the time. Would u have come across as paranoid, like one of those women hating women, because I don't think there's anything weird about male/ female friendships and I thought he was deeply in love with my friend (they've been planning on TTC next year.
I just feel devastated for her and wish maybe I could have saved her from a few months of pain. Apart from bringing round shit food, wine and saying 'he's a bastard' a lot is there anything else I can do?

Of course you weren’t wrong to have said nothing.

You couldn’t prevent him cheating, neither could your friend even if she wanted to or had suspicions.

I agree with Shark, there’s nothing you could have said to prevent him from cheating. And just think if you had prevented him, he’s still a man who has the capacity to cheat and would likely have just cheated further down the line, maybe after they had children together. If anything you’ve at least saved her from wasting more time with the bastard and putting any kids through a divorce.

No good comes of that sort of interference in someone else's marriage. She wouldn't have believed you anyway.

What would saying something of accomplished? She might not have even believed you and it may have made her feel uncomfortable about coming to you for the support she needs now

It would have been wrong to say something then, you didn't know anything was going on back then. You aren't responsible for what he has done, just be supportive to your friend now.

Thanks everyone, that's obviously why I didn't say anything at the time, as I knew it wouldn't have gone well and would have ruined my friendship. I used to have a male colleague who I was close to, we went to gigs together, went to the pub. I never would dream of us sleeping together so I think that's what prevented me from interfering too.
I just felt this was different. I think you can pick up on when two people are shagging. Like when Simon Cowell and Dani Minogue were on the X factor.

I don't understand posts like this, what would you have said? What could you have done?

If he was going to cheat with her he was going to cheat. It wouldn't have 'saved' her marriage, because if he was willing to cheat it was dead already, and who wants to marry someone that clearly didn't believe they were their perfect fit.

Do you think with hindsight that you telling her could've stopped their friendship feom blossoming? That your friend could've 'intervened' in some way? Once that ball is rolling it is far too late for most.

I imagine if you felt uncomfortable ,your friend and the woman's (ex) partner did too,as others have said if he was going to cheat he would have done so regardless of what you said.

Just be there for her now, that's what she needs. There's no way you could have 'saved her from months of pain'. She'll have that whichever way this thing goes or would have gone. You did nothing wrong.