Flummoxed

[Earlgrey19]

In this case IABU, but can’t figure out what to do! The situation is that there’s a conference a few hours away one Sat I’d like to go to. It is one to which you can take children with you. A group of us from my hometown are going. I don’t want to drive because I’ve been getting a lot of migraines, and don’t want to risk having one and having to drive. Driving long distance when tired can be a migraine trigger for me. I also get horribly travel sick if not travelling up front. There are two cars going. I am a bit rubbish at being assertive about what I need. I did say I needed a front seat but so did someone else and she has got one of the front seats. The other car has a mum and breastfeeding baby going and she wants to sit up front otherwise her baby gets too frustrated that she is not feeding him, which I totally understand. The idea was floated that she could therefore be the driver, me up front and another colleague in the back with baby, but this mum wasn’t planning to be the driver and the idea was presented to me as being up to me: if I really needed to sit up front that’s what they could do (otherwise the other colleague would drive). So I declined as I didn’t want to inconvenience her. It’s also a busy week for my family so it seems sensible in some ways. But I’m quite sad about not going! And I don’t get to do much stuff that is for my own interests. What would you do?!

Get a train...arrive stress free and go have a lovely time!

Train is 3 hours rather than 2 hours (and then back same day), but it’s worth a thought.

Have you explained to both of them that you don’t travel well in the back?

Could you drive and break up the journey, maybe set off a bit earlier so you can stop for some long breaks?

3 hours on a train sounds lovely actually

It's a difficult one really. At the end of the day, it sounds like there aren't enough seats to accommodate everyone comfortably. Could you suggest that one or two or you could go, by train, the night before (or stay that night) and make a night of it?

Or ask around (on a local fb group) and see if anyone else would be interested in going and offer to share the petrol costs, maybe pay more than half, if they'd drive? Then they get company and petrol costs and you get a lift in the front.

No disrespect, but I think you are being a little bit precious. In life we have to adapt. Just sit in the back and accept that whilst you would prefer to sit in the front, this isn’t possible.

Travel sickness pills and sit in the back? Or just train and relax with a book on your way there

How can sitting in the front be any different to sitting in the back? You are travelling in the same direction just a metre difference.

Sitting in the front of the car can make a huge difference to travel sickness, as you San look out of the front window.

Yep, if you suffer from travel sickness travelling in the front makes a huge difference, though I appreciate that it’s not obvious if you don’t suffer from it.

@knifeAngel its apparently to do with your horizen, your eyes and inner ears the ability to look out, i've had life long car sickness, no problems in boats, planes etc , i never get it when driving and rarely as a front seat passenger, but always when in back for more than 20 minutes sometimes less if car is full and its hot and sticky.

If i have to read like a map or follow directions when in front i will start to feel ill.

Travel sickness tablets really dont work for me they just mean i dont throw up but go round all day feeling nautious, at least if i do throw up i feel much better afterwards and the headache goes.

however as most friends have witnessed me turning green and having to stop car so i can get out its now a given i always go in front.
So i'd go by train, or contact the mum with baby and ask her would she mind terribly if she did revisit the plan to drive. explain you didnt want to inconvenience her but would love to go. maybe you could offer to baby sit for her one night or something nice in return.

It’s not a case of “just sit in the back” for people who suffer from travel sickness.

If only it were that easy

I understand that you need a front seat - but then I'm sure the other people who asked for a front seat feel they need one just as badly. I don't think you can assume that your need is greater.

Ultimately, if you are getting a lift from someone, it's a case of beggars can't be choosers. If you can't get a front seat, you need to make your own way there, even if the train takes longer. If you don't think the conference is worth spending three hours on a train, you don't really want to go as much as you think you do.

This stood out...

if I really needed to sit up front that’s what they could do (otherwise the other colleague would drive). So I declined as I didn’t want to inconvenience her.

From what the op has said, I’m not sure she’s properly explained how travel sick she gets so her friends can have the opportunity to be kind and caring. She didn’t want to put them out.

Op you should have just said you needed to sit up front. It sounds like your friends would have accommodated you.

What Incognito76 said is right... This is really a case of beggars can't be choosers.
Honestly, everyone would rather sit up front, wouldn't they? It's a more comfortable seat, better leg room and a view. And everyone has an "important reason" why THEY should get the front seat.

If you can't get the seat you want, you need to make alternative arrangements for just yourself. Whether that's driving, and taking whatever breaks etc you need to make that possible, or getting the train.
Ultimately you need to weigh up whether going to the conference is worth it, under these conditions.

While it's lovely to be chauffeured around, you really can't insist on certain conditions of yours being met. Sorry.