To not want my sister to visit for the festive season

[Rainbowhairdontcare]

If anybody remembers, I'm the one whose sister hasn't told our DF about the birth of her DS.

So today my sister asks over WhatsApp if she can come for the December school holidays, she'd be staying in a hotel.

I have many reasons why I'm not happy about it.

1- lying to our DF
2- I'm a practicting Jew whereas she's more of the secular type. I don't really celebrate Christmas but she does.
3- it's our first season as a new family with our first baby, even if I don't celebrate Christmas I want to stay at home, bake cookies, etc... be festive with my little new family
4- she's too high conflict and I just want peace (see point 1)
5- we would have just moved to our new home and again just want to enjoy the time with our baby, the new home and my DH.

Are these good enough reasons?

No excuse is going to be good enough so just breathe and do whatever you want.

Just say no, that doesn't work for you or your family.

Or tell her you're thinking of inviting your DF ... that will shut her down immediately.

Well I suppose you can't stop her from coming to a hotel near you, but you can certainly not let her in your home!

I don't know your back story, I'm sorry, but it sounds like a totally divisive nightmare. Depending on how much you want to stay in touch with your sister, your safest bet to ensure she didn't bother you would be to tell your DF that she had had a baby and tell your sister that you were sick of the lying and double dealing and you've told him.

That should sort it once and for all.

I don't think you NEED a reason; you're not obliged to put anyone up. If you do feel you need to explain, I'd stick to reasons (2) and (5): you've just moved and have a new baby, so not up to having visitors; and you don't 'do Christmas' in any case.

And I presume there's a backstory, but why doesn't she want your father to know about the new baby?

Backstory in a few words:

My late uncle left her as the beneficiary of her pension. My uncle was once married to my aunt (DFs sister) and when they divorced there was no consent order.

My aunt has been claiming said pension. My DF says that he's not stopping my DS to take my aunt to court. According to my DM and sister my DF doesn't deserve to know about his grandson. All because he hasn't harassed his sister to stop claiming said pension.

*his pension.

So basically your sister wants your father to do the dirty work for her because she can't be bothered?

I don't see that your Dad should be the bad guy here, it's for your sister to deal with.

But obviously she and your mum don't see it that way.

Yes, good enough reasons.

I would go with "oh you know I love you, but right now, I can't think of anything worse, hosting that soon after moving, sorry but no! We don't celebrate Christmas anyway, so I'm sure you'd hate it. How about you visit later in the year when we're a bit more set up for it and can get out and about with better weather?"

Just stick with "I just think I'll feel the need to host you properly, whatever you say, I know what I'm like and I'll hate it! I'm sticking with no this time."

Keep repeating that you don't want to. If she pulls the blood thicker than water crap, hit her with "don't be so dramatic, I'm not saying you can never darken my door, just I don't really fancy hosting just after moving. Spring or the Summer would be better for me."

i get the fear when i read these posts.about what could happen between siblings and family!

After having a not so brief chat with my lovely DH, we've agreed that we don't want her here for those two weeks, but instead offer to host her from the 31st for as long as she likes.