Nanny advice

[Ironmummy]

Not sure if this is an AIBU more of a WWYD but here goes:
I have a great nanny, then she got pregnant, went on maternity leave and came back with her baby at 4months. We agreed all this, I wasn't 100% convinced but my son started reception but not full time as he has development issues and my daughter yr2 in September so I figured it would work out as they would be at school. When she started back, we agreed we would check in regularly to make sure it was working for both of us. She's on a new contract which I have had to adjust after a month as the previous hours affect her baby's routine, and actually its fair to say the baby doesn't settle/sleep well at mine. I work from home or in the office 3 days a week which are the days she works, and my work is really flexible so I can be flexible with her. We've been muddling through and seeing how it goes. But this week her baby has picked up a cold from my son and has not been sleeping, won't settle and so neither of them are getting any sleep. I've let her come in late and leave early yesterday as I needed her rested for today as I would be in meetings from late morning. I had a chat with her yesterday as well as I know she isn't getting much support at home, but also she's doing all her own housework etc and all the baby stuff, so I want to make sure she is coping ok. I offered a later start today as well and took my kids to school as I was working from home in the morning. Anyway, today her baby won't settle, won't sleep, won't take milk so she hasn't made it in and is now taking her to the doctors, which is fine, and fortunately my meetings have been cancelled so I can sort the kids myself now (including a lunchtime pick up). But it's not an ideal scenario for me and probably stressful for both of us, and I really don't know what to do moving forward. Moving into the winter, and from my own experience with my kids, colds are going to be a very regular occurrence but I don't want to be let down or have my kids left to their own devices because she is tending to her own baby. I have raised this with her as well, and she gets it, but I think both of us underestimated how challenging it would be. Scenarios going through my mind include giving up work, getting a different nanny or using after school clubs (but that might not work for my son). She's like to try a few more months so I am wondering what a reasonable time period would be. Personally I think she came back too early (her choice, I used an au pair and holiday camps to cover her maternity but could have continued). I want to do the right thing ( I topped up her mat pay so she didn't feel under pressure to come back to early) but I also don't want the added stress that it puts on me, and also, because she spends time with her own baby feeding, soothing etc, she's not getting as much of the children's admin done as she used to. She's on the same hourly rate as previous, I haven't reduced it because she's bringing her baby so I'm struggling to see the pluses at the moment.
FWIW to add context, my husband works very long hours, leaving before 7.00am and getting home after 9pm and occasionally travels, so I don't get any help from him, so all chores, cooking, kids, errands etc fall on me.
Any useful advice much appreciated, thanks.

I think you sound absolutely lovely, and the nanny sounds like she’s taking the piss a bit, frankly. There should definitely have been a reduction in her hourly rate when she brought her child to work. You are currently paying her to operate somewhere between SAHM and nanny to your children, while you pick up the slack. I would tell her it isn’t working out.

Not sure what your rights are, though.

It is such a lovely idea and so kind of you to agree, but at the moment this really isn't working. Give it a while longer if you want, but she's now more of a childminder than a nanny, and in your home, and this situation has the potential to continue for years. She could have more children.
I'd be looking at the legalities of ending this, it is probably going to be needed.

You sound lovely and very kind. But you know that its not working. You're basically subsidising an extended maternity leave. You need to arrange alternative care and explain to her that you appreciate her good service, but its not working out right now.

I agree it’s not working. She’s still, effectively, on maternity when she should have hired childcare for her baby. I would give her, her notice.

Is she full time? What are her hours?

I think you've given it a go, and it hasn't worked out.

I don't know about the legalities involved, so you should check what her rights are here.

But you've gone above and beyond to accomodate her and it isn't working. I think you should give her a month or so of notice and find another arrangement.

It may be that you'd be happy to have her back as a childminder (at a reduced rate) sometime next year, but it obviously needs to work for everyone.

I think it was very silly of you to allow her to come back with her baby. what were you thinking? two kids yourself and you dont know how much a newborn needs? She needs to either find other childcare or you can get someone else.
My dsis nanny also had a baby and my dsis refused to allow her baby to come with her to work so the nanny resigned. She found another job with someone else I know and gave them endless problems like this until she was let go.
Just as in any other job, you need to find childcare you cant just bring them to work.

Do you really think this will improve over a few months? and what about when baby gets bigger , does the teething stage, gets more mobile , needs more entertaining and needs more routine for naps, feeding etc. are you and your job supposed to flex around these changes to routine too? and your kids who at best are being minded by someone who is only giving them half their attention.

i say this as someone who had a childminder to bring her 6 mth baby to work with her when my elder child was 18 months, but we agreed in advance it was only for two months as she couldnt get a place for him at a local nursey. It didnt work out. But i wasnt paying the same full wage .

To say nothing of the other bugs it will pick up over winter if your Nanny hasnt arranged any back up for her childminding requirments any time either of your kids are sick, or her child is sick shes going to be unreliable. This isnt fair on you and certainly not fair on your two kids. you ask how much longer to give it i wouldnt go on now, but if you want to agree a time just say to end of month at which stage the baby has had a lot of time to settle.

Then its not working so either she finds childcare or moves on, i'd use the month to be interviewing other possible candidates. if you feel the situation will improve for her you could always recruit someonefor six months, and say you can both look at the situation then if shes still interested.

It's not working. You need to let her go. And that's coming from a nanny.

I’m wondering about the legal ramifications if something happens to her baby in your home.

This sounds like a mess, OP. You’re effectively paying her to look after her own baby. I think you need to let her go and get another au pair.

I'm not sure it's working out, regardless of how well you have handled it OP.

If I am honest I would be talking to your DP, he really needs to raise his game and actually start looking after both you and the kids a bit more. Leaving before 7 and getting home at 9 is a pretty selfish thing to do, he should be doing a lot more to help.

Thanks everyone, you've confirmed what I was feeling. I think I will give it another month and then review, we are away some of October anyway. I've already spoken about the crawling/toddler years when she started back as we have lego/small crap everywhere and I don't want to be responsible if something happens and nor do I want to have to baby proof my house. My kids weirdly never put things in their mouths so something I'm aware of but not used to.

To answer some questions -
She used to work 30 over 3 days but now works 27, she's been back full hours for 1 month but phased it in during august.
I should have asked mumsnet before doing the NWOC route but it seemed like a good idea at the time as she had been very good.
My kids were both pretty easy, my son was non-verbal for a while but never cried and my daughter didn't really have tantrums but she does now. Its fair to say my kids are a lot more challenging now than as babies so in some ways I was expecting the same.
RE my DP, he does help out at weekends, and would do more if he could but the demands of his job, short of leaving it, mean anything else is impossible. We discussed our situation and he recognises what I do with the kids and house, he doesn't particularly enjoy his job but it's financially beneficial to us at the moment so its short term pain for long term gain. I probably don't need to work, and my salary pays for the nanny but I enjoy my job and feel like I get a good balance, and helps me keep sane so I can manage the kids better.

Anyway, thanks all for the input, much appreciated. I already feel less stressed.