Family planning - as in what's going on day to day?

[knackeredmumoftwo]

This is a genuine question- my OH and I are arguing over planning and awareness of what's going on.
Two lively and lovely teenagers, we both work with long commutes in busy jobs, try and do stuff outside of work we enjoy too and sports.

How far ahead is it reasonable to plan?
Daily, weekly, monthly?
What about school holiday cover or plans so we get time with the kids plus they get downtime too?
Xmas stuff?
Seeing friends, out of anniversary meals etc?

Remembering to remind kids re or kits and how tests went etc?

What do you all think is reasonable and am
I AIBu being fed up that this sits mostly / all with me and OH is great day to day but has no idea what's for tea or what's happening at the weekend apart from his commitments and it's on me to sort the kids and myself out?

I try to have one evening meal a week where we explicitly talk about what's happening next week, and I also ask for meal suggestions.

How tests went I remember on the day as I have almost certainly been involved with revision (I am quite hands on as my DDs have needed me to be).

We have a family calendar and if it requires me of DH to do something for the DC, we mark the even on our spaces as well at the time it is arranged. e.g. DD2 had a theatre trip, it went on DH's space as well as at the time we said she could go we agreed DH would do the driving.

There's nothing wrong with having almost no plan, and just discussing things day to day, you have teenagers so I'm not sure what "school holiday cover" actually means is it a holiday which needs organising 'cos of booking, or just time off which doesn't really.

Your kids shouldn't need any reminding - doesn't hurt to do it of course, but if it doesn't happen it's not a problem.

Things which require a plan - ie things which need co-ordinating with others - need planning, but how much of those you do is individual.

So there's nothing unreasonable about not having any sort of plan ahead, there's equally nothing unreasonable about having one (and even having the knowledge of what's happening is important to many.)

If you want things organised more than others in your family (or friendship group or any other group) then it is you who end up doing it - as you're the one who have the need. Others who might be happy to just fumble through missing things, rushing around etc. don't have the need so won't do it.

If you have specific needs from your family ask them - but don't do generic "you need to organise more", if the others don't feel the need to be organised the same, it won't do anything to help you.

We meal plan on the sunday so I don't have to have the agony of trying to decide what to eat on a given day. It's like.. 15 minutes of hell but then it's done for the week! I put the list up on the wall so everyone knows what's for dinner and whose turn it is to cook. Lovely.

We also have a chalkboard monthly calendar on the wall which everyone writes their things on (kids at 3 and 6 so by everyone I guess I mean me and DH) and then we know what's going on in a given month, it's nice. We also share our google calendars so we can easily plan new things further in advance if we want to, I rarely go more than a month ahead but DH will occasionally put in something with his friends a few months away.

Holidays though we usually book 6 months or more in advance to get the cheaper flights. School holidays we discuss well in advance to make sure we save enough paid holiday days from work to be at home for the kids. It works out! It feels quite relaxed and yet we also know where we are at.

We have a family calendar on our phones.

Generally, I'll put in any regular things - dance, guitar, school holidays, inset days, etc. If you have an arrangement that could affect others then you stick it on the calendar - work trips, appointments, get togethers, going out, etc.

The onus is on the individual to check the calendar before making plans. Obviously, it isn't a perfect system but, for the most part, works well.

Things like Christmas, holidays, etc. we're more likely to put in a 'meeting' for it to be discussed. Some smaller things are done on the WhatsApp group.

We aim to eat together in the evenings and that's when we'll talk about day-to-day stuff, menu plan, etc.