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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I overreacting or was this teacher inappropriate?

4 replies

nlfj · 02/10/2019 23:12

I am a trainee teacher and about to start a placement in a school. After reading the school website, I have found out there is a music teacher working there who used to make me feel really uncomfortable during my time in school and made some inappropriate comments. I am really nervous about seeing him again in case he recognises me and I don’t know what to do.

From ages 14-16, I played an instrument and this teacher would give me one-to-one lessons and also conducted a local orchestra I played in. On several occasions he would comment on me being a ‘natural beauty’ and express distaste for any piercings/heavy makeup/nail varnish I had on. He also hugged me several times, would comment on my weight and ask about my eating habits and gave me his mobile number as well. On several occasions I asked about changing to another instructor for lessons but was always told no and he would edit his timetable or mine to ensure we would still work together.

Once, he gestured towards my chest and made a move like he was going to touch me there. He then laughed and told me not to tell anyone as he would be in trouble. Nothing physical ever happened but the comments made me feel uncomfortable and I started skipping lessons. I’ve never told anyone until today when I told my partner and parents as I feel really overwhelmed and sick thinking about seeing him and potentially working alongside him as a colleague.

I don’t know what to do with this, has anyone experience this? I don’t know if I’m overreacting as nothing actually happened as such and he has a wife and children and I never wanted to get into trouble. I’m now worried that it would cause hassle for myself as a trainee teacher as he works within the authority area I would also like to work in. Should I tell my university? The school? No one? I don’t want him to know but am really scared about seeing him again

OP posts:
motortroll · 02/10/2019 23:13

Yes you should tell someone and state that you do not wish to work with him for those reasons. I'm sure it's not just you and if you don't tell who will?

Moondancer73 · 02/10/2019 23:39

I think you absolutely need to tell someone. Is there an older member of staff at the school that you can speak to about it?

Sunshine93 · 02/10/2019 23:51

Assuming you are doing a PGCE you should speak to your university professional tutor or someone at the uni rather than at the school. They are there for you.

You are definitely not overreacting, I am sorry this happened to you. You do not have to work with him and as a bare minimum I am sure they will be able to arrange for you to go to a different school.(clearly they should do more than this )

Urmasellsavon · 02/10/2019 23:53

Speak to your course tutor and ask for a different placement.

Think about what you want to say to your course tutor as to why you are requesting this but I would suggest it’s fine to say uoi know that teacher from when you were a pupil and that he made you feel uncomfortable them to the point that you skipped lessons with him. Say that once you realised he is at the school this has caused you anxiety so you’re asking for a different placement. THe tutor should treat your request in confidence and with empathy.
That should be enough (I know of trainee teachers who have requested different placements successfully eg such as unsuitable/ difficult to access location)

Good luck

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