LGBT teens (sleepovers)

[ChilledBee]

Dsis will be reading this as she genuinely wants the opinions of the masses.

DN is year 8 and since year 6 she has been quite set about her sexuality in that she says she is bisexual but can only really see herself with a girlfriend even though she thinks boys are physically attractive. Boys her age are generally gross so this might change later.

Anyway, she has friends, some of whom also state they are not heterosexual. Boys and girls. I'd say about half of the girls at least.

At 13, not many parents would allow boy/girl sleepovers in the same room all night alone because they'd want to discourage too much sexual exploration (or any, perhaps), but what about when your teen isn't heterosexual? How do you deal with same gender friends?

DSis said something along the lines of only being able to ask DN the nature of the relationship with the person and take it from there (so only platonic friends stay over in the same room) but I said that most of my firsts were with (previously) platonic male friends when we essentially had the private time to do it which you'd have on a sleepover. So now she has sort of waivered on her belief but doesn't think you can just ban same room sleepovers with everyone. She also sort of thinks that girls aren't as sexually motivated as boys so where she would be seriously thinking about this with a son who was gay/bi, she isn't as concerned about a daughter.

I sort of think that if you do allow it, you have to accept that it is likely they will have opportunity to sexually explore more than your average heterosexual teen would be permitted to in their parents house and there's no real way to prevent that other than banning same room sleepovers with everyone?

So AIBU to think you have to lay down similar boundaries to a heterosexual teenager in terms of sleepovers if you want to discourage, sexual exploration at their age?

I have recently faced this with my own DC. I would say it depends on the nature of the relationship. However if your DSis isn't sure, she could just ban all sleepovers in the same room, and friend could sleep elsewhere (living room etc).

With my DC I said friends of the same sex could stay in their room, but not the opposite sex, and not those they were attracted to.

It is a tricky one and I'd go with what feels right for the DC involved, weighing it up on an individual basis.

I had same sex sleep overs, (parents didn’t know about sexuality) and nothing ever came close to happening, jokes were often made by my mates though, particularly to reference sleeping bum down.

Surely just go with no girlfriend/boyfriend sleepovers.

I’m a lot less worried about two girls than a girl and a boy for reasons that are probably obvious. But I do think if teenagers want to experiment with sex they will find ways to do it, whether you let them have sleepovers or not. I’d want to have some conversations about consent and being ready etc. Also I think your sister is wrong about girls being less sexually motivated than boys. And if she’s concerned then it’s fine to set boundaries at that age.

I think sleepovers or any extended closed door time alone offer the privacy necessary to explore further than one might be emotionally prepared for. Yes we still managed to lose our virginities long before marriage but I didn't go from 1st base to 4th base on the same night because we didn't have the time or space. I think that's what I'd want to avoid.