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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate colleague. The last word.

53 replies

Plentymorethere · 02/10/2019 14:40

He has a girlfriend for over a year . I thought he had a fwb thing for some months but I was duped. We started to pull way back from one another two months ago and I was mad as hell because during his relationship he was still texting me telling me I was this that and the other -all bullshit.I was flattered but had zero intention on f acting on anything.He text those two months ago to explain how it was time for us to disengage once he decided it was time not to treat her like shit anymore or he might lose her and she had also got a sniff of his contact with me.I was in an abusive relationship then. I replied by telling him that it was indeed time as his behaviour was unfair and inappropriate.
There was no way I was going to let him off the hook with him trying to convince me he was doing me a favour so the last words were essentially( and in other words) keep it light or keep the fuck away from me. I alluded to him being a sleaze and boy he didn’t like it. Now however he seems really distant and things are awkward.He is now started to be loud and vocal about his wonderful social life and plans with his girlfriend to anyone in the office who will listen. This from a man who didn’t mention her name for well past a year and nobody knew she existed.I don’t know what his game is and I don’t know how to respond. It is uncomfortable and I’m mortified deep down and although I play the ice queen act well, I am mad as hell.help!

OP posts:
Rachelover60 · 02/10/2019 15:56

Plentymorethere, I feel sorry for you but quite honestly nothing much happened apart from flirtation. You didn't have a sexual relationship.

Try to ignore him as much as you can, keep your cool (you say you're an ice queen and that's good).

I hope you find a nice boyfriend soon because that would stop you agonising about this colleague and you would manage to get the whole thing in perspective.

If it is all too much, look around and see if you can find another job, something better than you have now which will be a challenge and take your mind off him. I know you said you didn't want to do that but it might be a good idea. A change is as good as a rest.

One good thing is nobody else at work knows you had a flirtation with him so your pride can stay intact.

Move on, the world is your oyster.
Wine

Original poster
Plentymorethere · 02/10/2019 15:56

Thanks. I’m struggling with jealousy and because Im mad that he is being shitty about it.He never wanted anything physical I think,it was the buzz and ego stroke that didfor him.my poker face is so poor so I’m sure he seems how it upsets me and.Didn’t know how to cope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plentymorethere · 02/10/2019 15:59

Thanks.Im trying to hide that I left abusice partner because Um scared he’ll try his stuff on me again and I’m not strong to cope right now

OP posts:
Tilltheendoftheline · 02/10/2019 16:02

OP he flirted with you. Lots of people indulge in flirting. You had no intention of taking it further anyway.

Why are you jealous?

makingmammaries · 02/10/2019 16:08

You could have some fun recommending dead-end towns and fleapit hotels, if you felt so inclined.

Original poster
Plentymorethere · 02/10/2019 16:15

I was scared of my partner so did not go down that path. I was not allowed to go for coffee with him and my work events were monitored . I don’t know why I’m jealous.I don’t know why he is trying to make me jealous either.perhaps I am lonely and am pining for what could have been.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plentymorethere · 02/10/2019 16:16

@makingmammaries 😜

OP posts:
NicLondon1 · 02/10/2019 16:19

Have you fallen in love do you think...?

Butchyrestingface · 02/10/2019 16:24

Am I the only one who hasn't got a clue what's going on?

From what I can gather (granted, it’s hard), OP has the hots for some bloke she works with who already has a bona fide girlfriend when she thought it was merely a FWB arrangement.

OP is consumed by the green eyed monster. Although this bloke was flirtatious with OP, it remains to be seen how he was ‘inappropriate’.

But then again, all of the above may just be shite. Who knows? 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Plentymorethere · 02/10/2019 16:24

I hope not.I can’t seem to process my feelings and because I always made little his comments, I don’t know what he feel for me.Do I come across as like a woman in love

OP posts:
Rachelle11 · 02/10/2019 16:33

You come across as a woman scorned but I'm not sure what he did? He flirted with you. His girlfriend and him might not have been serious at the time and now they are. Do as above and recommend some dead end places!

FavouriteSong · 02/10/2019 16:45

He's doing his best to make you jealous and he's succeeding. Ignore him. If he asks you for hotel recommendations, just say 'I have no idea' and walk away. For a non-relationship, you are taking this hard. Distance yourself from him. He's a dickhead, you know that.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 02/10/2019 16:51

You've taken a bit of flirting and blown it up to be much more, perhaps because you were in a bad relationship at the time?

Try to put things into context and move on from the past.

Original poster
Plentymorethere · 02/10/2019 16:58

Thanks. It really was much more than a bit of flirting. For a couple of years there were lots of lines crossed via messaging and together. I never acted on it as I was too scared of the consequences.He told me that he loved me and I believed him, before his current girlfriend came along. His relationship has deepened and I feel dumped.I hate that he is being so insensitive although he doesn’t know my feelings

OP posts:
Superfoodie123 · 02/10/2019 16:59

Sounds like you are jealous and have a thing for him.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 02/10/2019 17:07

Focus on healing yourself. If he's being that loud and thay much of a dick your colleagues will notice and get fed up of him soon enough.

Is there an alternative to the canteen at lunch? If you do the freedom program one you could go to a cafe and do 15 minutes of it on you'e phone instead of sitting in the canteen waiting to hear his latest stealth boast. Xxx

AnyFucker · 02/10/2019 17:16

Are all these virtually incomprehensible threads about workplace fuckarounds written by the same deluded woman ?

Original poster
Plentymorethere · 02/10/2019 17:18

They’re not. Please don’t be cruel

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 02/10/2019 17:24

I’m struggling to see the problem here. Do you have form for overthinking and overreacting?

purplepolo · 02/10/2019 17:28

Yabu you just seem pissed off that hes bucked his ideas up and is treating his girlfriend how he should be.

Id just say get over it, you and him werent anything were you? So not worth getting pissed off over

Butchyrestingface · 02/10/2019 17:32

Thanks. It really was much more than a bit of flirting. For a couple of years there were lots of lines crossed via messaging and together. I never acted on it as I was too scared of the consequences.He told me that he loved me and I believed him

I’ve read this story before. Quite some time ago.

Sorry, but if a single bloke was telling you he “loved” you and you didn’t act on it (no judgement, sounds intense), then I’d say you’ve simply missed the boat.

Tilltheendoftheline · 02/10/2019 17:46

It really was much more than a bit of flirting. For a couple of years there were lots of lines crossed via messaging and together. I never acted on it as I was too scared of theconsequences.

So hang on. 2 years of this going on, him telling you he loved you and you never reciprocated any of the flirting?

You didnt make yourself single so you could actually start something with him.

He starts seeing someone and then backs off you as he wants to be serious with this girl. After 2 years of you, basically, rejecting him? You said you did reciprocate, so you were telling him it wasnt going to happen.

Now he has given up and moved on you are upset? Cause he had the last word?

Not really sure why you call him inappropriate or a sleaze or all the other things

TatianaLarina · 02/10/2019 17:49

The upshot is that, after an abusive relationship and shenanigans with a twat, you don’t have the best judgement re men.

Forget about this guy and work on your discrimination.

Jayaywhynot · 02/10/2019 18:01

Piss in his coffee Grin

midnightmisssuki · 02/10/2019 18:02

I’m so confused sorry OP. He’s a FWB that you didn’t have sex with? I can’t keep up Confused