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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to re-home my dog?

66 replies

Aw12345 · 02/10/2019 13:37

Please be nice because I'm very upset.

We have a 4 year old schnauzer, lovely dog, very very good with out toddler (14 months) but we have 1 massive issue... Barking.

It's come to a head today because DH is away with work and DS slept badly so has been shattered today poor little guy. Having a breakdown about everything because he's so tired. Anyway he fell asleep at about 11 and was woken up not long later by barking from the dog Sad

I've driven for ages to try to get him back to sleep but he's too hungry to sleep, too tired to eat. Poor little guy.

This has happened loads of times before too, also we've only tried to go out once since having baby but babysitters arrival triggered barking, which woke baby Sad

We have paid a behaviourist but her advice hasn't stopped the barking, dog gets 2 walks a day and goes to doggy daycare regularly so he's got loads of stimulation and doggy time.

I don't know what else I can do, we cant go on like this Sad

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 02/10/2019 14:36

I'm old school and believe a dog is for life. So suck it up is my response

This pretty much expresses my thoughts.

Span1elsRock · 02/10/2019 14:38

I should never read these threads, they make me sick.

Your dog has known only you for 4 years but you'd rather rehome it than make an effort? Have you walked it? Given it any mental stimulation?

Will you rehome your toddler too? Thought not.

GlassSuppers · 02/10/2019 14:44

OP you should have researched your breed before buying.
You had the dog for over a year before you had DC so you must have known what the barking was like and you chose not to address it.
You would be very irresponsible to rehome now and I hate to break it to you but if your DC is 14 months now then daytime naps will soon be a thing of the past!

Could you go for a walk with DC in the pushchair to get him to sleep and take dog with you?

There's always another way.

ChessIsASport · 02/10/2019 14:48

Ladybee28 those kind of collars are banned in England. Most people are just recommending the ones that give a little beep if they bark. It is a distraction rather than a punishment.

OP - could you try putting the dog in a small room where he can’t see out of the window while your son sleeps. A calm space for the dog so that he isn’t on high alert? It might take a bit of training to get him used to being in there but if you had clear cues as to what was happening and made it a happy place - treats or a KONG to keep him busy it might help and a radio on to block out noises. Our dog has decided that our under stairs cupboard is her own personal space and goes there when she wants quiet time.

WTFdidwedo · 02/10/2019 14:51

We had a schnauzer growing up and all it did was bark. I bloody hated that dog (sorry dog lovers). It put me off having a dog for life and I constantly have to tell my husband we're not getting one.

Sorry I can't offer any advice but my dog lived til he was about 10 and never stopped the incessant barking. That is the breed unfortunately.

phoebewallyfridge · 02/10/2019 14:54

OP, sounds like this dog is having a hugely negative impact on you.

Ideally, yes, a dog is for life, but sometimes it just doesn't work like that does it?

Ignore all of the "please, please don't rehome your dog" brigade.

If you can find him an appropriate, loving home then it makes perfect sense to do so.

phoebewallyfridge · 02/10/2019 14:56

Will you rehome your toddler too? Thought not. Hmm

Mythreeknights · 02/10/2019 14:56

OP yesterday I discovered our 1 year old labrador had DESTROYED the tailgate seal of our car, in the ten minutes I had the boot open to get the bins in (we live rurally and have to drive our bins to the road end). I also felt very very strongly that a new home would be in both of our interests, as her car related chewing damage now totals £1000+.

So, I get why you are so frustrated with your dog for the different reason of barking. Sometimes they are more than we can handle.

sillysmiles · 02/10/2019 14:59

So you got a dog and then had a baby and now you want to rehome the dog because it is inconvenient. And you are wondering if you are unreasonable?

Butteflyone1 · 02/10/2019 15:00

How about try training your dog instead of the lazy methods. Perhaps you shouldn't be a pet owner if you want to re-home him for the simplest of training issue.

Mythreeknights · 02/10/2019 15:01

sillysmiles Shit happens

Grin
Monsterdogs · 02/10/2019 15:03

You need a better behaviourist! training discs, anti-bark collars etc. are all hideously outdated aversives which will just add to his stress and make the barking worse. I'm horrified that any practising behaviourist would still suggest such a thing. Have a look here to find other behaviourists in your area and make sure they use positive training techniques.

This advice is so good, i thought id would be good for people to read it again. Train your dog using positive reinforcement, it is more effictive and a whole lot kinder than punishing a dog for doing dog things! It is easy when you know how. Next time he barks, say stop in a cheerful, quiet voice and give ddog a tasty treat like cheese. Keep doing this and soon dog will learn that "stop" = tasty treat and will be quiet
Next time you get a behaviourist make sure that they are properly qualified as it is an unregulated industry. Good luck

Mythreeknights · 02/10/2019 15:03

I feel like defending the OP here.

Butterfly have you not seen all the posts about how this particular breed is practically untrainable when it comes to barking cessation?

ItsalwaysLTB · 02/10/2019 15:05

I'm not sure you can train the barking out. If anyone has successfully with a Schnauzer I'd love to hear from them! It's their breed.

Manicpixiedreambitch · 02/10/2019 15:07

Re-home.

nicelyneurotic · 02/10/2019 15:15

Well, I don't think YABU. It's clearly very stressful for you. Only you know how much more you can take. If you want to re-home him you don't need permission.

SherbetSaucer · 02/10/2019 15:16

You would be extremely unreasonable to rehome your dog! Honestly some people don’t deserve animals!!

Cryalot2 · 02/10/2019 15:17

Op what can I say. I have the most adorable wee dog .I hate being away from her. But she can bark, and it drives me crazy given I have health issues. But we know what she barks at. There is normally a reason . I know the postman bark ( the worst )
Dogs do bark, but usually at certain things, and need a bit of routine .
I would do anything to keep mine.
She was poorly a few months ago and we were all so worried and almost in tears .
It just depends on how you feel.
Yes they bark and do other things at times but they do give unconditional love and enrich our lives.
Only you know how you feel, if you are happy without , then rehome .

WhatTiggersDoBest · 02/10/2019 15:19

@WiddlinDiddlin I don't have a dog any more and I never had any issues training my two when I had them, but that's incredible advice; Pavlovian conditioning at its most straightforward. I love it. I'm going to show that to my SIL who has a similar dog problem after seeing a "behaviourist" whose "methods" didn't work.
I have to wonder, with all the bad advice being given to people by so-called paid professionals, if being a dog trainer is the new web designer/interior designer/name another job every randomer thinks they can do but really they can't.

ilovesooty · 02/10/2019 15:19

It's depressing to see posters think that animals ought to be disposable rather than making a bit of effort.

missbattenburg · 02/10/2019 15:22

Basic learning theory says there are only 3 outcomes you can use to change a dog's behaviour: rewards, punishers and nothing at all.

Anti-bark collars are punishing. They have to be. If simple beeps worked to distract a dog from barking reliably then all any of us would have to do is make a beep noise.

They don't work like that.

The beep is a warning to the dog that something is does not like is coming. It is used in the hope that the dog learns that it can change the outcome of that warning by altering its behaviour.

e.g. I hear a beep
I keep barking
My collar vibrates, which I do not like

slowly (hopefully) becomes:

If I hear a beep
And shut up
I can avoid the vibration

Vibrations and citronella ARE things the dog does not like, therefore they are punishers. They might make us feel less guilty than an electric shock, but that's it.

Training dogs with punishments is a tricky minefield in which all kinds of things can go wrong. I am always reminded of a case Sarah Whitehead talks about in her book in which a saluki exposed to something similar became a shaking bag of nerves because she heard any beep in the house as a threat that something unpleasant was coming and never did work out it was just applicable to a specific type of beep in the garden that she could avoid by returning to the house.

Plus, punishment is a moral quagmire.

Training dogs with rewards is a lot simpler, carries less risk and - as seen with guidedog studies - is often quicker and results in more reliable behaviours.

So instead of punishing the dog for barking, reward him for something else.

e.g. the doorbell rings, the dog is encouraged to lie down on his bed, the dog gets a treat. Every single time. With multiple practise sessions to establish a routine.

The Blue Cross has a page on this: www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-advice/how-stop-your-dog-barking

Plus, as pp have said, take a holistic look at the dog's quality of life. A dog that is under exercised, under stimulated, stressed, in pain, worried etc will be much more likely to bark than one that is not. Just like a stressed person is much more likely to snap at you.

He's a schnauzer. He is likely above average intelligence for a dog (so bored easily) and literally designed so that barking is rewarding for him. This is why it is so important to consider the 'negative' breed traits when choosing a breed. Complaining your schnauzer barks is akin to buying a high powered SUV then moaning it needs a lot of fuel.

If that all sounds like too much work, rehome him via a reputable charity so that he has a chance at a life with someone who has the time, energy, etc for him. A well rounded (albeit barky) young schnauzer won't wait for a new home for very long and it's better than another 10 years in a home where he is resented and not getting the training etc he requires.

LittleAndOften · 02/10/2019 15:27

OP we've just rehomed our rescue dog after 5 years. We found a wonderful friend of a friend who lives right on the beach and has another dog. She couldn't be happier and we are still seeing her - there's no way we could have done it any other way.

There can come a point where your pet's issues have become too much, and I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest about that, as long as you rehome in a responsible way.

For us, our dog had developed defensive behaviours in our house, which had led to me, as a SAHM, becoming reclusive. She had to be kept on a lead around visitors or shut away where she'd just bark incessantly. So we stopped seeing anyone. Over the years we did classes, used behaviourists, threw thousands at the problem. The tipping point came when DH was hospitalised, and with me being pregnant with ds2, the situation became untenable. She was unhappy and so were we. We had a light at the end of the tunnel with our dog walker as she'd boarded our dog and never seen the protective behaviours she'd shown around us. That gave us hope as the behaviours were to do with us, they weren't innate. She's so happy now. Rehoming is sometimes best for everyone, including the dog.

Veterinari · 02/10/2019 15:35

Anti bark collars are abusive.
I didn't sleep for weeks, then the vet suggested the collar. It simply sprays citronella into the air whenever he barks and it distracts him and he stops. Immediately.

That’s because research shows that citronella is more aversive than an electric shock to dogs. We don’t mind the smell so assume it’s innocuous but to a sensitive canine nose it’s incredibly aversive.

OP you need an APBC accredited behaviourist

NewElthamMum13 · 02/10/2019 15:37

Please, OP, anti-bark collars are horrible devices – don't electrocute animals for doing what animals do.

@ladybee28 anti-bark collars in the UK usually use a puff of compressed air when the dog barks, or some people use citronella spray (but that's not as good as the smell lingers after the barking has stopped) . Some use water spray. Some vibrate to catch the dog's attention. There are many forms of electronic collars and I think that the ones which give a shock are rare in the UK.

Veterinari · 02/10/2019 15:37

What @missbattenburg days

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