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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potty training regression at nursery

17 replies

Sportinggirl · 02/10/2019 13:07

Hi everyone I'm looking for a bit of advice on how to deal with my 3 nearly 4y/o DD. She started nursery a little over two weeks ago and nearly everyday she has peed herself while at nursery but is totally fine at home and out and about. I don't know how to approach it because it's happening when I'm not there, the nursery staff has started asking what she's like at home and wondering if she is actually toilet trained (she's out of nappies 2 years) made me feel like shit and really embarrassed when they started asking questions today. Any and all advice is welcome, apart from her starting nursery there has been no other changes in her routine.

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Original poster
Sportinggirl · 02/10/2019 13:12

Just realised this posted in AIBU, I haven't a clue how to move it to parenting. Never posted before

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PlinkPlink · 02/10/2019 13:15

I've seen this question a few times and I'm a little confused as to why nursery staff ask.

When kids go through changes, and nursery is quite an adjustment, they often regress. I'm sure it will sort itself once she settles down a bit.

Perhaps she is so engrossed in the play and toys around that she forgets to listen to her body a bit? Or maybe shes scared of the loo in nursery (I know I was)?

Have you asked her if she knows why?

raspberryk · 02/10/2019 13:19

Is it because you remind her to go when you're with her but she's not getting that at nursery?
My dd had accidents at nursery even at 4 because they're distracted by everything and it's nothing to worry about.

stressystressy · 02/10/2019 13:27

Does she know where the loo is, and have a good enough relationship with her key worker to feel confident asking to go? Sometimes it’s as simple as her feeling very overwhelmed and a little intimidated. As suggested above, gently ask her why.

Bourbonbiccy · 02/10/2019 13:32

At home are you initiating her using the toilet or does she tell you she needs to go ?

Have the staff ever taken get to the toilet before ?

What does she say when you ask her why she's not using the toilet now ?

Original poster
Sportinggirl · 02/10/2019 13:32

I don't have to remind her at home, she goes by herself and I just hear the toilet flushing so I know she has went. Iv asked her a few times and her responses where I was playing, I don't know and today she said she misses mummy and daddy and doesn't want to go back, which to be honest broke my heart a little bit.

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Ohmygod123 · 02/10/2019 14:54

She's far too busy learning and having fun to go in time. I bet she's holding and holding because she's busy and then it suddenly comes. My DS was exactly the same! Went from going at home on his own to wetting himself constantly when he started preschool. The change in routine can throw them abit aswell. Give it a few weeks for her to settle in, ask the staff to remind her to go. Does she know how to ask? Remind her how to ask, sounds silly but I remind my DS when he has accidents. Good luck

GettingABitDesperateNow · 02/10/2019 15:12

This is normal.

Make sure she knows what to do at nursery when she needs the toilet eg does she just go herself or does she have to tell or ask someone. Find out and practice with her at home even just saying 'can I go to the toilet please' as if she is not used to asking she might be unsure of how to phrase it etc

Also find out if it's at any particular time. Mine really liked outdoor play and sometimes wet herself outside if they were playing outside for longer than normal as she didn't want to go back in. Ask them to remind her

CripsSandwiches · 02/10/2019 15:21

I don't think this is at all unusual. New place, new routine, perhaps she's anxious about using the loo there? Perhaps she's just very engrossed in what she's doing? Nursery staff should work with you to solve the issue but it really isn't a big deal. There were one or two still having accidents in Y1 in DS's class, they're in Y3 now and it's all resolved.

Userzzzzz · 02/10/2019 15:55

New place, new routine- if she’s never been in a nursery environment, it can be quite busy and overwhelming. I think as well even if you’re not constantly reminding at home, you’re probably asking before you leave the house or doing certain activities if you’re anything like me so you might be promoting more than you think.

Original poster
Sportinggirl · 02/10/2019 16:51

She gets out of nursery at 12 and has been to the toilet 3 times, all without telling me. The team leader was very assertive with me today, I would have f'd her off only there where children about. I thought it would have been pretty normal enough to have a bit of a settling in period where these things happen but apparently not in this nursery. There are days where she doesn't have any accidents at all and will use the toilet. They don't remind the children as they should know to go themselves.

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NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/10/2019 16:53

My son is younger but exactly the same problem. It's been 3 weeks now and it's starting to get better. It helped when one day I got there and took him to the toilet myself, I think it made him less apprehensive about the nursery toilets!!

Shittiestdayinalongtime · 02/10/2019 16:54

Hmm, is she happy there? Obviously she hasn't been going that long. One of my friend's children didn't like the nursery (very small, attached to a school so only 2 staff) and he didn't like the main teacher and he would have an accident every day there

randomusername · 02/10/2019 16:57

She doesn't sound ready to be honest. I'd take her out and see how she does at Reception in September. A few months may make all the difference!

Sotiredbutcannotsleep · 02/10/2019 17:06

I think this is normal, partly due to a little shyness to ask to go to the loo and as pps have said, distraction whilst playing. My DS did the same and his key worker used to question whether he was toilet trained too and actually made me and him feel awful about it. When I suggested he may need regular prompting she said they were now in the preschool section and were too busy teaching to do that. Thankfully she left and the replacement key worker used to kindly remind him every so often and then he was dry there. They will still have the odd accident though.

Original poster
Sportinggirl · 02/10/2019 18:26

Thanks everyone, it's nice to know she's not the only one who's going through this. Iv spoken to my SIL who is a primary school teacher and she said it's completely normal for this to happen to the shy ones. I also spoke to her old child minder who had her two days a week and she never had any accidents at her house, it must be because there's so many children (22) in the same class and she's distracted. I'll ask tomorrow if she has the same key worker everyday and for them to just remind where the toilet is at. I actually can't remember the last time she had an accident when she's with me, she even gets up at stupid o'clock (between 3-4am) in the morning to go to the loo

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Original poster
Sportinggirl · 30/10/2019 17:20

Hi everyone, me again. Just thought I'd give you all an update.
THERE'S BEEN NO MORE ACCIDENTS!!!!
Turns out it only happened when she was with a certain staff member (lovely older lady but a bit scary looking lol) so I got her put in another group and she has been doing great ever since. She has even started talking about said scary lady at home and how much fun she is having with her.

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