Shitty family!!

[NC4this123]

Please tell me how to stop feeling so gutted by this! I am so fed up with my family playing favourites with the kids in the family, treating some but not others, visiting some but not others. No one ever comes to visit my kids even though they live 5 minutes round the corner, it was always us to go there until I got sick of it all being one way, now no one bothers. We grew up receiving birthday gifts off my aunts/uncles/grandparents and I have continued this on, treating the kids in the family and everyone else! Yet we never get anything back! Nothing. My kids get f all and some of them have even taken a Christmas gift from us for their child, in front of ours and still not reciprocated. So sick of it and also sick of feeling angry about it! Aibu?

YANBU. But I would stop buying gifts for them. If they ask just say @Oh, I thought we weren't doing gifts. How awkward, have you got me one?'

You need to cop on and stop buying for their kids. It's that simple. Think of the money you will save. Or you could use the money to buy your own kids an extra gift at Christmas or keep it for a day out for your children. Your kids come first. Stop wasting money on your nieces and nephews when their parents clearly don't wish to reciprocate.

God. Just stay away from them.
If you put as much effort into meeting and enjoying the company of new friends for yourself and DCs that you spend feeling annoyed and distressed at family behaviour you would a much happier life by now.
They are carrying on bad family history and probably won't change.
What your DCs want is a happy, carefree mum, not a bunch of snide sneaky relatives.
If your life becomes happy and exciting they will probably magically change towards you and want a piece of what you've got. That is the best payback.

@Drum2018 this is where I’m at now! I won’t be buying a single gift. Worst thing is we don’t have loads of money and it’s always been a struggle to but to me family is what it’s all about but others clearly don’t. I just wish I knew how to not let it bother me any more

I think getting to the point where it doesn't bother you any more is a slow process (if not them please someone tell me how to do it too!). I'm quite a long way along the road and it still bothers me, just not anywhere near as much - I'm still working on it.

It definitely helps though to stop doing things like sending unreciprocated gifts, sharing much of your news (grey rock), making more of an effort with them than they do with you. Accept that this who they are, they won't change and giving power to them over your emotions drains you for the people in your life that really matter.

Good post @RadarRadar

RadarRadar puts it beautifully. You can't make them change, you can only minimise the hurt. Concentrate on people in your life who are more generous of spirit. Blood relations are not what it's all about for many people.

Stop buying everyone presents. Cards are nice for birthdays and christmas. Save the money for your own children.